Actually, this is one of the main symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder. It's quite frustrating because it's like arguing the bible with a witness. As soon as you make some sense, they switch to a different topic and try to throw you off. It's better to just not have a converstation with them in the first place. Failing that, keep it short and sweet.
I have been diagnosed with this by my psychiatrist (I know this proxy my support worker, she asks me questions all the time designed to test me) . However, projection with me isn't quite like you describe. I project as a coping mechanism, but this is where other facets of their personality comes in, the projection can be used effectively to deflect pain from themselves, it does not have to hurt anyone else. Projection is one of the coping mechanisms I haven't used very much, my big two are disassociation (!) and compartmentalisation (!), along with the obvious self-medicating, which along with my ADHD is a constant battle, thanks to Ritalin though, my consumption of cannabis and alcohol has dropped 95%! I don't use deflection either... I'm very sensitive to criticism (BPD/ADHD Double whammy) but I take it on the inside, and then I use the splitting ALL THE TIME, and it drives me crazy. Did anyone mention the splitting? Splitting is where they take a person on the last thing that was said or done to them. Borderlines have no relationship contextual continuation. Every statement made by anyone is taken without any context of the previous history of the relationship. It really sucks. In relationships (even people on JWD) I may go a long time without talking to them directly because I don't want to ruin the relationship or I've imagine rejection or abandonment somewhere and retreat. I beg the person not to take it personally if they notice this, it will cycle and they will be again in my good books. Unlike some borderlines, I don't do anything to the person when I consider them all bad, it's like they don't exist to me then.
It's sad because the people that have it are never happy. They constantly feel chaos inside of themselve and the only time they feel relatively OK is when they are distracting themselves (a lot of times with drugs or reckless behavior)
Sigh, yea... it's a great life. What a nice description from someone who doesn't have it.
They are very jealous of the peace that people who love themselves have. It drives them up a tree.
I envy, I'm not jealous. The difference being I get sad, not angry and feeling cheated. I don't necessarily care what others have, just what I do, peace of mind chief among them. Peace of mind is my life's quest (and loving myself as you mention, everything I do is based on whether I can love myself and if it conforms to my perfectionist core belief system (this is the main reason leaving the JWs effected me), and it will never happen. Add to this I have ADHD (so that means I have lower baseline self-esteem and you get ...
In my personal case, my family member that suffers is a lot more creative than I am, but doesn't do anything with his or her abilities and then thinks I'm trying to show him or her up when I win an award or something.
I will never live up to my potential thanks to ADHD and Borderline. It's pretty common too, 25% of ADHD people also have cormobid Borderline. Over 60% have cormorbid anxiety and depression.
What sucks is people look at me and see a normal "non ill" person, but have no Fing clue about my head, and how well a person can learn to hide their pain. Those closest to me that I've given up trying to hide it from may see me staring off into space a hell of a lot with grimace.
"Have you thought about this?" "What are your plans?" "When are you going to get a job?" "Why don't you ever visit us?" "Why do you seem so distant?" "Don't be a stranger." I know why my psychiatrist doesn't openly talk to me, he knows my only defence is hiding, and by his silence I have to bring my concerns to the fore and choose my words carefully.
I have like this perfect clusterfuck tridesta of things that work on each other, if you understand psychology put these three together and think of all the great ways they are alike and compliment each other - ADHD (with its comorbidities anxiety and depression), Borderline, ISFP