I remember more than twenty years ago someone told me that I mom's Cong there was a trans, they always compared him to RuPaul, anyway, of course he got the talk from elders, which I'm sure basically said if you don't Identify with being man you cannot be a part of Jehovah's Organization.
I have a feeling you love them now is because you're being love bombed, they welcome you and hope you see the light your self that you are doing what is wrong is Jah's eyes. In your future you will be SO GLAD you got out of such a dangerous controlling CULT