i pretended for a long time. i think i realized even before i got baptized that this wasn't what i really wanted to do, but i felt so much pressure from my mom to 'strive for perfection.' i wasn't baptized until i was 18, but by then both my brother and sister had made their decisions not to pursue 'the truth.' all i ever heard from my mom was that i 'was the only hope' that her and my dad had of one of their children being faithful. along with her constant nagging that since i was 18 and old enough to drive, old enough to have a car, old enough to decide upon a career, i should be old enough to make the committment to get baptized. held out for a few years until i knew i could be financially independent--i still haven't asked my parents for money. i do rely on them for something though and my dad has been great. i moved about 100 miles away to a metropolitan area and just sort of faded away. however, i got 'busted' by a girl who was from my old congo and recently reinstated. i think that was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. i got to flat out tell my mother on the phone that i refused to be a hypocrite any longer. that was the best feeling ever. she still calls and gives me the rundown after the CA's and DC's, hoping i will 'turn around from my path to destruction.' i'm lucky though, my dad is a bit more sane and doesn't really push the issue. very glad to be free now.