Posts by emilyblue

83

I think I did a really bad thing.

by emilyblue in

i do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.

i'm not a witness.

he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.

emilyblue

I also forgot to add that I think this is a big deal because my boyfriend has hinted around that he did not make a full confession to the elders about the extent to what we have done in a physical sense.

83

I think I did a really bad thing.

by emilyblue in

i do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.

i'm not a witness.

he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.

emilyblue

I do not attend the same Hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me. I'm not a Witness. He confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final. I guess his involvement with me made is scriptural, even though it took place after he has already been divorced. He did not tell the elders my identity, as I'm not even a Witness anyway. I did a bible study with an older lady from the Hall where I went to. He was a little freaked when I told him her name, because she knew him while he was married to wife #1. He told me I didn't need to mention that I had a boyfriend, so I got the hint he didn't want her to know that he and I were dating, even though he's asked me to marry him, as long as I become a JW. Whole other story. The bad thing I did is this. After a very nasty fight a few weeks ago, my bible study lady called me and I answered the phone in the middle of a crying jag. She asked me what was wrong, and I told her. Boy, I really told her. I told her that the real reason I was studying with her was because my boyfriend said he couldn't marry me unless I became a Witness, and that he felt guilty for having sex with me, and I told her that I couldn't sleep at night because when he found out I had quit going to meetings, he told me I was under demon attack because he was having bad dreams and hearing invisible cell phones ringing. I asked her if that was true. She said he sounded irrational. I called him by his first name, and she asked me what his last name was. I told her. I didn't realize the possible consequences until she said that she knew who he was. I told my boyfriend about the conversation, except I didn't tell him that I told her his name. I think he would be extremely upset. I called her back and tried to get some idea if she was going to report him, without coming right out and asking her. I asked her if she thought I should go ahead and tell David that I told her everything. She told me not to, because then he might feel pressured to confess to the elders just because she and her husband knew. Her husband is an elder in another hall, by the way. She said the confession needed to comed from his heart. She said Jehovah has ways of dealing with these things. She did say that now his second wife is free to remarry, if she was not already free before. She also told me not to tell him because she was worried he might react very irrationally and she told me that he was not someone fit for Jehovah's organization. She gave me a lot of scripture about what to look for in a husband. I can't work up the nerve to just come right out and ask her if her or her husband is going to say something to the elder's of his congregation. Just based on your experiences, would this be something they would do? I'm asking this because my conscience is telling me I need to tell my boyfriend what I've done, but I'm pretty scared to do so. I don't know what to do.

16

What happens at the Memorial?

by emilyblue in

can someone tell me what exactly to expect at the memorial thing tonight?

i have never been and don't really want to go, but i also want to satisfy my curiosity about what happens there.

i know i can't eat the bread or drink the wine.

emilyblue

Can someone tell me what exactly to expect at the Memorial thing tonight? I have never been and don't really want to go, but I also want to satisfy my curiosity about what happens there. I know I can't eat the bread or drink the wine. What exactly are the emblems I've read about? How long does it last? Please tell me not for 2 hours. Thank you for any info!

49

Why can't he let himself be happy?

by emilyblue in

i'm in love with a man who is a witness.

i am a pretty inactive protestant, meaning my parents were only able to drag me to church twice a year on christmas eve and easter morning.

he told me early into our relationship that he wanted to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me, and that he has never felt the love for anyone else like he does for me.

emilyblue

I'm an idiot. I am I am I am. Tonight I watched some old movie that showed a captain going down with his sinking ship, and it dawned on me that that's me. I'm going down with this freaking ship for why? I can't help him, as much as I want to, and God, how I want to. I feel for this man like I have felt for no one else. I am so sorry that he is in so much pain over losing his son during his first divorce; I'm sorry his mother, while she loves him, is such an emotional drain on him. I'm sorry his father and his three stepfathers have all been a-holes. I'm sorry the mortgage industry is a disaster right now and he doesn't have a stable income. I see him worrying about EVERYTHING and there is nothing I can do or say to make it any better. When he tells me how glad he is that he has me, I feel so guilty for planning my escape and lose my resolve to do so. If only he could feel glad to have me for longer than two weeks before the whole "unevenly yoked" issue raises its head again. If only his feelings could be consistent.

It's not very nice of me, but lately I have been wondering where have all his Witness friends been this year? It's been me, his pagan heathen Protestant girlfriend who has taken his late-night and early-AM calls when he can't sleep because he is so anxious. It's been me who has been there for him in between jobs. It's been me who's been there and let him spend the night at my apartment because he feels too lonely in his when his son goes home after visitation. Of course it's also been me who feels like crap when he decides a few nights later that it's wrong for him to stay over when we are not married. He can call me anytime, day or night, and I will drop what I'm doing to reassure him that I love him and that I'm here for him. When I stopped by his apartment one morning at 7am after a bad night, he accused me of stalking him because I knocked on his door and woke him up and threatened to call the police if I bothered him at that hour. Later that day he called and told me I should have known better to come over at that hour because I knew he had problems sleeping at night and usually couldn't fall asleep until 5 am. He can be so unkind and just plain mean, but then he can be so amazingly loving, too. I know that I am far from perfect. I get overly emotional and dramatic and he says that I am sometimes manipulative and try to guilt him into doing things that he feels are wrong. I don't want to be like that. I don't know why I'm writing this. I guess I just needed an outlet. Thanks for reading. And no, I'm not usually this stupid.

49

Why can't he let himself be happy?

by emilyblue in

i'm in love with a man who is a witness.

i am a pretty inactive protestant, meaning my parents were only able to drag me to church twice a year on christmas eve and easter morning.

he told me early into our relationship that he wanted to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me, and that he has never felt the love for anyone else like he does for me.

emilyblue

Thank you all. I can't express how grateful I am to all of you. There is not a single person in my life telling me to give him another try. Everyone, both in here and in "real" life, is telling me to RUN. I would be incredibly naive to think that giving the relationship one more try would make any difference, except prolong the pain for both him and myself. My dad told me after our last breakup that I should fall on my knees and thank God that things didn't work between him and me because I would have lost myself and destroyed my family in the process. I don't know why that took so long to sink in. Every time we break up, he tells me that after I date other guys for a while, I realize what I had with him and come back, IF he's still available. He tells me I always need to learn things the hard way. I guess I have to agree with that. I ignored all the red flags at the beginning of the relationship, thinking that love would save the day. If I ever have another relationship with anyone, I'm going to be much more cautious.

Thank you for all your advice, and thank you for not sugar-coating it. I've had my head in the sand for way too long.

49

Why can't he let himself be happy?

by emilyblue in

i'm in love with a man who is a witness.

i am a pretty inactive protestant, meaning my parents were only able to drag me to church twice a year on christmas eve and easter morning.

he told me early into our relationship that he wanted to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me, and that he has never felt the love for anyone else like he does for me.

emilyblue

No, he doesn't have a mental illness, but I think he is depressed. He even admits he's depressed and he says he has valid reasons to be that way since his job situation is currently unstable due to the industry he is in, he is under major financial strain, and he only gets to see his son every other weekend. He also talks about his crappy childhood a lot. He talks to his mother on the phone every day, and she is a very negative, intense person. She's always asking him if he's been to the meetings.

He told me that I would be freaked out about evil spirits too, if I had ever had an experience with them. He told me that several years ago, his ex-wife had bought some suits at a garage sale. He woke up in the middle of the night after having a dream about murder and got some water. He said that a dime, which had been in one of the suit pockets, unexplainable fell off the table. He packed up the suits and drove off to dispose of them and tried to play a bible tape in his car. The tape wouldn't play until he said a prayer to Jehovah. It all sounded too weird to me, and he got very frustrated that I wouldn't take him seriously. He told me to look through my apartment and get rid of anything that I didn't know where it came from. He asked me if I had crucifixes, because those apparently are highly pagan. He also said I should consider getting rid of the box of Christmas ornaments that I have. I told him my mom gave me those, so no way. After that, he said he couldn't come over to my apartment for a while because he was too disturbed by what had happened. I asked him if he was so concerned about my apartment being possessed by evil spirits, how was he ok with me staying there? He told me that if I got scared, just call out Jehovah's name and he will help me. It really freaked me out and for a couple of nights afterwards I slept with just about every light on. Of course now he's perfectly fine with coming over. Probably because he missed my cable so much.

Good Lord I am an idiot. All I can say in my defense is that if you met him, you would like him. Everyone, except for my family and friends whom I have confided in, loves him. He can be so funny and charming and is so good at talking to people and making them feel comfortable. I just wish I could take all of his pain away and somehow convince him that God has bigger problems on His hands than whether or not I put up a Christmas tree or enjoy Cadbury eggs.

49

Why can't he let himself be happy?

by emilyblue in

i'm in love with a man who is a witness.

i am a pretty inactive protestant, meaning my parents were only able to drag me to church twice a year on christmas eve and easter morning.

he told me early into our relationship that he wanted to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me, and that he has never felt the love for anyone else like he does for me.

emilyblue

Thank you all for your replies. It helps so much. My head and my heart are battling right now, but I know I have to end this relationship. We've been together for over a year, so I guess I just have to give myself some time to be sad and get over the relationship. Every time we temporarily work things out, it's just postponing the inevitable. I've tried to talk myself into becoming a Witness. I've attended meetings and bible studies, but I just can't commit any further than that. I've told him that I would attend every meeting with him whenever he is ready for us to attend the same Hall, but that is not enough for him. He already has a son and I don't want children, so if there's not going to be children involved, I don't understand what the big deal would be with us not sharing the same beliefs. He wants me to be baptized and take on a new personality, even if it means alienating myself from my family. I can't and won't do that. I know what I have to do. It just hurts so much, and I can't imagine ever loving some other guy the way I love him. I wanted us to be married and grow old together. I love everything about him and I told him that I can appreciate that being a Witness has helped make him who he is and I can respect his beliefs even if I can't share them. I don't understand how he would allow this to end our relationship.

49

Why can't he let himself be happy?

by emilyblue in

i'm in love with a man who is a witness.

i am a pretty inactive protestant, meaning my parents were only able to drag me to church twice a year on christmas eve and easter morning.

he told me early into our relationship that he wanted to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me, and that he has never felt the love for anyone else like he does for me.

emilyblue

When I try to tell him that I am concerned that this is a high mind-control group, he laughs and asks me how I can think the JW's are a cult when they are just doing what the Bible says? I don't know how to respond to that because he is able to support all of his beliefs with scriptures from the Bible until it actually starts making sense to me. That's the scariest thing of all. I have a fear that before I know it, I'll be telling my family I don't celebrate Christmas anymore and knocking on people's doors on Saturday morning. I've considered "faking" it just to keep the peace and maintain our relationship, but it makes me feel very resentful. I work my butt off all day, and then I have to endure an hour and half bible study which isn't really even a study of the bible just to keep this guy? I don't know exactly what I am working so hard for.

49

Why can't he let himself be happy?

by emilyblue in

i'm in love with a man who is a witness.

i am a pretty inactive protestant, meaning my parents were only able to drag me to church twice a year on christmas eve and easter morning.

he told me early into our relationship that he wanted to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me, and that he has never felt the love for anyone else like he does for me.

emilyblue

I don't know how many red flags I need. I know that's pretty pathetic. Each time something happens, I tell myself that's rock bottom, but it never is. I know that he had a horrible childhood. His mom has been married and divorced 4 times and a couple of the guys were abusive. His adulthood hasn't been easy, either. He works in an industry that is very unstable right now, and he's had five or six jobs this year that haven't worked out. His first wife left him right after his son was born, and his son means everything to him. He gets depressed at the end of every visitation and hates having to take his son home. I just want him to be happy. When I'm able to make him happy, he lights up a room. But it's hard to keep him that way for long, because he thinks about EVERYTHING too much and is overly analytical. I can't figure out how someone as intellectually smart as he is can believe all the things he does. He was born into the JW religion, so that must be why.

It's funny you mention about actually seeing the change between his normal vs. cult personalities. It's true. His whole face and demeanour changes. He either sounds robotic or very, very serene and at peace when he discusses his beliefs. He loves looking up scripture to support his beliefs whenever I have tried to debate certain things with him.

We stopped having actual sex last summer after he became too torn up about it. We still mess around though, and last month we did have sex. I felt so close to him again after that, but of course he started beating himself up about it the next day. He said that he only did it because he was physically ill (he had heartburn) and when he went to buy Pepto Bismol, the condoms were right there so he bought some. He also said that he thinks his holy spirit left him after he did that with me. Wow thanks. That really made me feel wonderful about myself.

Thinking about all the crap I have gone through really makes me feel like a total idiot. I must have issues of my own to be willing to deal with this. But I love this guy and want so badly to help him. I keep thinking how will I feel if I give up on him and then see him out and about with some other woman who was able to stick it out and stand by him and help him through this. I don't want to give up on him.

49

Why can't he let himself be happy?

by emilyblue in

i'm in love with a man who is a witness.

i am a pretty inactive protestant, meaning my parents were only able to drag me to church twice a year on christmas eve and easter morning.

he told me early into our relationship that he wanted to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me, and that he has never felt the love for anyone else like he does for me.

emilyblue

I'm in love with a man who is a Witness. I am a pretty inactive Protestant, meaning my parents were only able to drag me to church twice a year on Christmas Eve and Easter morning. He told me early into our relationship that he wanted to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me, and that he has never felt the love for anyone else like he does for me. He's been married and divorced twice, both times to Witnesses, but the marriages didn't work because neither one of his wives were "doing what God says" they should do, as far as giving him headship. When we first became involved, he told me he was a Witness, but he didn't attend meetings because he knew that he was going to have to confess his sin of having sex with me to his elders. I was a little freaked by this, but he said he didn't have to say who he had sex with and he wouldn't tell my identity. His religion never seemed to be an issue, other than he was disturbed about me celebrating holidays and relentlessly went on and on about their pagan origins.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. All of a sudden, religion is an issue. He can't bear the thought of me being like Lot's wife and dying because I celebrate false religions. This started when I brought cupcakes to my class on Dr. Suess's birthday to kick off our readathon. We have had fights here and there, like in any relationship, and he feels God cannot bless our relationship until I become a Witness, baptized and everything, including knocking on doors. I went to the Kingdom Hall, not his because he has been reproved and is not supposed to be dating, several times and it was very boring. The people were extremely friendly, but the Watchtower lecture is excruciating and simple-minded. I am currently in a bible study with an older lady who is very nice but told me that I should consider wearing skirts to meetings.

Last week he found a book about Josephine Bonapart, Napolean's wife, on my bookshelf. He opened it up to a page on which a voodoo priestess predicted she would one day be queen. It freaked him out and I had to remove the book from my apartment. He then told me the next day that while I was out walking my dogs, he heard a cell phone ringing in my apt, except there was no cell phone there. Then he went home and had a really bad dream. He thinks evil spirits are attempting to contact me since I stopped going to meetings and keep cancelling my bible study. Then he distanced himself after I said that was ridiculous and it was probably just job stress causing him to imagine things.

I'm so torn. I love this man. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I dont' know if my love for him can withstand the WTS nonsense that has such a hold over him. He has two distinct personalities. Sometimes he is the brilliant, funny man I fell in love with and the next day he is wracked with guilt and pressuring me to become a Witness, even though it would go against every fiber of my being. I'm pretty lazy and could never attend three meetings a week and NEVER would be able to knock on strangers' doors. Now he says that since I have knowledge of what is right, it means my life if I continue celebrating holidays. It's messing with my head. I just love him so much but can't take this. it's just one big cycle. He becomes super-religious, I make up my mind that it's over, one of us breaks down and calls the other, we get back together and are very happy for about 1-2 weeks, then his guilt takes over again and he pressures me into going to meetings. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not sure if I can lead a normal life with this man, but then I don't know if I would ever enjoy life without him. I just can't make a decision on what to do and it's causing me so much pain.