Posts by emilyblue

83

I think I did a really bad thing.

by emilyblue in

i do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.

i'm not a witness.

he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.

emilyblue

I just called her and asked her if she was going to report him. She said that if she had seen this unclean conduct with her own eyes, yes she would have to report him. She said that since I confided it to her without her witnessing it herself, she only would talk to his elders and say he might have committed some unclean conduct, but she wouldn't get into specifics with them. I asked her point blank if that's what she did, but she evaded the question somehow. I asked her why he did not want me to go to the same hall as him, and she said because he is sneaking because he knows it's wrong for him to date someone is not a Witness. I couldn't get a straight answer out of her, but she said she would talk more with me about it at our next bible study and wanted to set up a time for it. I guess I'll just tell him what I told her and face the music. I guess I'll get to see his true colors. Maybe he will react better than how I think he will. Thank you all again for your replies.

83

I think I did a really bad thing.

by emilyblue in

i do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.

i'm not a witness.

he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.

emilyblue

I know that I can't continue to live like this. There have been so many problems in our relationship, religious and otherwise. But I never wanted it to end like this, with him facing possible disfellowship and hating me for it. He has no one else to talk to in any kind of meaningful way. I just feel really bad about opening my mouth.

83

I think I did a really bad thing.

by emilyblue in

i do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.

i'm not a witness.

he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.

emilyblue

This will be the end of our relationship, I know. He will never be able to forgive me, especially if he gets disfellowshipped. I will be so worried about him if that happens because if he doesn't have me to talk to or the people in his congregation, then he literally has no one. He just started a new job today, so he won't even have co-workers who are close yet. Yes, it has been a very unstable relationship. But I would never mean to end it like this. I don't know how to fix this. In the beginning of our relationship, he was inactive, so I never realized how big of an issue the religious differences would be. We were engaged very quickly. But then he got back into the religion, and that's when he added on the condition of me becoming a Witness before we got married because he didn't want to be unevenly yoked and he couldn't bear knowing that I would die at Armageddon. Thank you for your replies. I'm going to call the lady who I told and speak frankly with her before I decide what to tell him. I can't believe I ever told her any of that. I never should have answered my phone while I was in that frame of mind.

83

I think I did a really bad thing.

by emilyblue in

i do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.

i'm not a witness.

he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.

emilyblue

Thank you for your replies. Lisa, he has no support system out here. His family is all in NY, and we're across the country. He lives in this state because he moved out here when he got married the first time. He has a son from that marriage so he stayed out here after they were divorced. He said his former friends took both wives' sides after the divorces, so he literally has NO ONE except for me and his son. His son is only 6, so he can't offer support. He started this new hall about two months ago after being inactive for almost a year. He didn't want to go back to his old hall because he didn't feel the elders were supportive of him during his divorce. I feel terrible about what I have done. I don't know what the best course of action is. Should I ask my bible study lady outright if she or her husband are going to report him? Should I tell her I was so upset that day she talked to me that I didn't know what I was saying?

83

I think I did a really bad thing.

by emilyblue in

i do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.

i'm not a witness.

he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.

emilyblue

I just looked at a calendar. This all happened on March 11. After we made up from that fight, we've seen each other pretty much everyday except last weekend he was in New York visiting family. He's attended meetings since then and so far no one has said anything to him. I really don't know what to do. I think if he finds out what I told her, that will be it because he's so paranoid anyway. I did not do it out of spite or to get him in trouble. I automatically said his last name when she asked. Her hall is about 30 miles from his hall. I really don't know if I should go ahead and tell him just so he'll be prepared in case this comes to light.

83

I think I did a really bad thing.

by emilyblue in

i do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.

i'm not a witness.

he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.

emilyblue

I also forgot to add that I think this is a big deal because my boyfriend has hinted around that he did not make a full confession to the elders about the extent to what we have done in a physical sense.

83

I think I did a really bad thing.

by emilyblue in

i do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.

i'm not a witness.

he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.

emilyblue

I do not attend the same Hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me. I'm not a Witness. He confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final. I guess his involvement with me made is scriptural, even though it took place after he has already been divorced. He did not tell the elders my identity, as I'm not even a Witness anyway. I did a bible study with an older lady from the Hall where I went to. He was a little freaked when I told him her name, because she knew him while he was married to wife #1. He told me I didn't need to mention that I had a boyfriend, so I got the hint he didn't want her to know that he and I were dating, even though he's asked me to marry him, as long as I become a JW. Whole other story. The bad thing I did is this. After a very nasty fight a few weeks ago, my bible study lady called me and I answered the phone in the middle of a crying jag. She asked me what was wrong, and I told her. Boy, I really told her. I told her that the real reason I was studying with her was because my boyfriend said he couldn't marry me unless I became a Witness, and that he felt guilty for having sex with me, and I told her that I couldn't sleep at night because when he found out I had quit going to meetings, he told me I was under demon attack because he was having bad dreams and hearing invisible cell phones ringing. I asked her if that was true. She said he sounded irrational. I called him by his first name, and she asked me what his last name was. I told her. I didn't realize the possible consequences until she said that she knew who he was. I told my boyfriend about the conversation, except I didn't tell him that I told her his name. I think he would be extremely upset. I called her back and tried to get some idea if she was going to report him, without coming right out and asking her. I asked her if she thought I should go ahead and tell David that I told her everything. She told me not to, because then he might feel pressured to confess to the elders just because she and her husband knew. Her husband is an elder in another hall, by the way. She said the confession needed to comed from his heart. She said Jehovah has ways of dealing with these things. She did say that now his second wife is free to remarry, if she was not already free before. She also told me not to tell him because she was worried he might react very irrationally and she told me that he was not someone fit for Jehovah's organization. She gave me a lot of scripture about what to look for in a husband. I can't work up the nerve to just come right out and ask her if her or her husband is going to say something to the elder's of his congregation. Just based on your experiences, would this be something they would do? I'm asking this because my conscience is telling me I need to tell my boyfriend what I've done, but I'm pretty scared to do so. I don't know what to do.

16

What happens at the Memorial?

by emilyblue in

can someone tell me what exactly to expect at the memorial thing tonight?

i have never been and don't really want to go, but i also want to satisfy my curiosity about what happens there.

i know i can't eat the bread or drink the wine.

emilyblue

Can someone tell me what exactly to expect at the Memorial thing tonight? I have never been and don't really want to go, but I also want to satisfy my curiosity about what happens there. I know I can't eat the bread or drink the wine. What exactly are the emblems I've read about? How long does it last? Please tell me not for 2 hours. Thank you for any info!

49

Why can't he let himself be happy?

by emilyblue in

i'm in love with a man who is a witness.

i am a pretty inactive protestant, meaning my parents were only able to drag me to church twice a year on christmas eve and easter morning.

he told me early into our relationship that he wanted to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me, and that he has never felt the love for anyone else like he does for me.

emilyblue

I'm an idiot. I am I am I am. Tonight I watched some old movie that showed a captain going down with his sinking ship, and it dawned on me that that's me. I'm going down with this freaking ship for why? I can't help him, as much as I want to, and God, how I want to. I feel for this man like I have felt for no one else. I am so sorry that he is in so much pain over losing his son during his first divorce; I'm sorry his mother, while she loves him, is such an emotional drain on him. I'm sorry his father and his three stepfathers have all been a-holes. I'm sorry the mortgage industry is a disaster right now and he doesn't have a stable income. I see him worrying about EVERYTHING and there is nothing I can do or say to make it any better. When he tells me how glad he is that he has me, I feel so guilty for planning my escape and lose my resolve to do so. If only he could feel glad to have me for longer than two weeks before the whole "unevenly yoked" issue raises its head again. If only his feelings could be consistent.

It's not very nice of me, but lately I have been wondering where have all his Witness friends been this year? It's been me, his pagan heathen Protestant girlfriend who has taken his late-night and early-AM calls when he can't sleep because he is so anxious. It's been me who has been there for him in between jobs. It's been me who's been there and let him spend the night at my apartment because he feels too lonely in his when his son goes home after visitation. Of course it's also been me who feels like crap when he decides a few nights later that it's wrong for him to stay over when we are not married. He can call me anytime, day or night, and I will drop what I'm doing to reassure him that I love him and that I'm here for him. When I stopped by his apartment one morning at 7am after a bad night, he accused me of stalking him because I knocked on his door and woke him up and threatened to call the police if I bothered him at that hour. Later that day he called and told me I should have known better to come over at that hour because I knew he had problems sleeping at night and usually couldn't fall asleep until 5 am. He can be so unkind and just plain mean, but then he can be so amazingly loving, too. I know that I am far from perfect. I get overly emotional and dramatic and he says that I am sometimes manipulative and try to guilt him into doing things that he feels are wrong. I don't want to be like that. I don't know why I'm writing this. I guess I just needed an outlet. Thanks for reading. And no, I'm not usually this stupid.

49

Why can't he let himself be happy?

by emilyblue in

i'm in love with a man who is a witness.

i am a pretty inactive protestant, meaning my parents were only able to drag me to church twice a year on christmas eve and easter morning.

he told me early into our relationship that he wanted to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me, and that he has never felt the love for anyone else like he does for me.

emilyblue

Thank you all. I can't express how grateful I am to all of you. There is not a single person in my life telling me to give him another try. Everyone, both in here and in "real" life, is telling me to RUN. I would be incredibly naive to think that giving the relationship one more try would make any difference, except prolong the pain for both him and myself. My dad told me after our last breakup that I should fall on my knees and thank God that things didn't work between him and me because I would have lost myself and destroyed my family in the process. I don't know why that took so long to sink in. Every time we break up, he tells me that after I date other guys for a while, I realize what I had with him and come back, IF he's still available. He tells me I always need to learn things the hard way. I guess I have to agree with that. I ignored all the red flags at the beginning of the relationship, thinking that love would save the day. If I ever have another relationship with anyone, I'm going to be much more cautious.

Thank you for all your advice, and thank you for not sugar-coating it. I've had my head in the sand for way too long.