If he is still disfellowshipped after his appeal, do they announce that at a Sunday meeting? How exactly do they announce it? I've been to a few meetings and haven't heard any announcements like that. Will people in the congregation just completely ignore him after the announcement? The people that I have met at the meetings that I have gone to were very, very, almost weirdly, friendly. I can't imagine them just ignoring someone. What kinds of things will he have to do to show that he is repentant? He has already stopped seeing me, at least in public.
emilyblue
JoinedPosts by emilyblue
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Disfellowshipping question
by emilyblue inmy ex-boyfriend who i am trying not to see anymore was disfellowshipped last monday, but he sent in a letter of appeal because he felt two the the three elders who made the decision were biased against him because they knew his ex-wife and were automatically sympathetic to the woman's side.
he's disfellowshipped for having relations with me, even after he was divorced (before that, his divorce was unscriptural.
) how soon does the appeal take place?
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Can someone help?
by bethel anorexic inthis is my first post.. i was wondering if someone here can help me out.. i stopped attending meetings a while ago and i'm not comfortable with the idea of having the congregation elders in possession of my publisher card and other records.
would someone be willing to help me retrieve my records so i can just disappear completely from the jw-world?
perhaps someone here who is a current elder or an ex-elder?
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emilyblue
What is a publisher card? What other records with personal information about you do they have? Sorry for my question; I'm not a Witness but was thinking about it until recently just to keep the peace with my then-boyfriend. I'm very curious what kind of records they keep on people. I've heard my ex talk about "getting his card sent" from his old hall to his new one, and he's been waiting on it for about 2 months now.
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Disfellowshipping question
by emilyblue inmy ex-boyfriend who i am trying not to see anymore was disfellowshipped last monday, but he sent in a letter of appeal because he felt two the the three elders who made the decision were biased against him because they knew his ex-wife and were automatically sympathetic to the woman's side.
he's disfellowshipped for having relations with me, even after he was divorced (before that, his divorce was unscriptural.
) how soon does the appeal take place?
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emilyblue
Thank you all for your replies. I'm just trying to get a sense of what he will be facing. He said at his judicial committee meeting, they didn't bring up the fact that I had confessed to my bible study teacher. But her husband is an elder (in a different congregation than his) and I know for a fact that her husband got in touch with the elders at his hall because they came right out and told me they did. They (the husband and wife) both told me that they have serious concerns about my involvement with him based on what they know about his behavior with his two exes. I guess I fell for his line that it was his wives that had mistreated him, and he was the one who was misunderstood because people always side with women in a divorce. I don't know. I'm still trying to figure this whole relationship out. I wonder what he will have to do to show them he is repentant. He said at the meeting he told them about how his ex-wife's uncaring behavior caused him to act a certain way. I just thought I would be different. I don't know what made me think that I was so special he would somehow treat me differently than he has treated the other women in his life. I can't help but feel guilty though, because as he told me, loose lips sink ships. I don't want him ostracized and I don't know how he will handle it because he doesn't have a lot of friends, JW or otherwise. He said he will focus on work.
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Disfellowshipping question
by emilyblue inmy ex-boyfriend who i am trying not to see anymore was disfellowshipped last monday, but he sent in a letter of appeal because he felt two the the three elders who made the decision were biased against him because they knew his ex-wife and were automatically sympathetic to the woman's side.
he's disfellowshipped for having relations with me, even after he was divorced (before that, his divorce was unscriptural.
) how soon does the appeal take place?
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emilyblue
My ex-boyfriend who I am trying not to see anymore was disfellowshipped last Monday, but he sent in a letter of appeal because he felt two the the three elders who made the decision were biased against him because they knew his ex-wife and were automatically sympathetic to the woman's side. He's disfellowshipped for having relations with me, even after he was divorced (before that, his divorce was unscriptural.) How soon does the appeal take place? Also, is an appeal for a matter like this usually successful? He was reproved for a similar situation after his first divorce also. Do they keep a record of that type of thing? I don't know why I'm so worried about this, as I'm trying to break the ties with him anyway. I guess I just feel guilty because I'm the one who confessed our "sin" to my bible study teacher before I understood that she was going to have to report him for what I told her. If he is still disfellowshipped after his appeal, is it true that his fellow Witnesses aren't supposed to talk to him AT ALL or just on spiritual matter?
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Quick question!
by emilyblue inhello, how long do judicial committees for possible disfellowship typically last?
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emilyblue
I KNOW I have a problem. I KNOW I have been ignoring red flags all year. But it's like I've lost my trust in myself and my gut instincts because I started second-guessing myself and my behavior and how I treated him. I started to think that maybe he was right and I am overly emotional and I have been stingy with money when I have the ability to help him pay his back taxes and his creditors but I just told him I didn't feel comfortable doing it. I rationalized that I was already paying his cell phone bill and paying for our dinners whenever we would go out and our groceries when we would eat in. He says that I am high maintenance because I require so much reassurance from him, but I was not like that until I started doubting myself. He is the most high-maintenance person I've ever had experience with. It's ok for him to call me at 2 in the morning when he is feeling "anxious" or alone and send me 50 text messages a day and freak out when I can't reply to them, but the second I need reassurance, I am being whiney and self-centered. It seems I spend almost every day apologizing for something I've said or done, but he never apologizes for his behavior even when he admits he is too domineering and nagging. He gives me reasons why he has to treat me that way, because I'm "stubborn" and I have to "learn things the hard way" and he's "just trying to protect me from the consequences of my behavior." He tells me one day how much he loves me and NEEDS me and wants me, but the next day when I'm upset about having to sneak around, he tells me if I don't think he's worth it then I can just move on. He threatens the entire relationship when I bring up a concern I have. One time I completely lost my temper when he told me he felt I was unstable because that was the pot calling the kettle black. I told him that if I'm the unstable one, then how come I'm not the one who's gone through six jobs in less than a year? How come I'm not the one with creditors calling at least twice a week? How come I'm not the one hearing imaginary demons calling my cell phone and having nightmares about murder? I just lost it. I didn't yell, but I did throw his faults in his face with those questions. He said he hasn't really gotten over the hurt I caused him when I said those things to him, and I apologized later that same night, but he hasn't forgiven me because he still brings it up every time he gets annoyed or angry. Reading this makes me further realize that this is not love, and I'm just as mentally messed up as he is for agonizing over a lost cause. You all must think I'm nuts and maybe I am. A year ago I never felt like I was abnormal, unstable, or unlovable. I don't think I will ever be the same person again, but I'm just feeling sorry for myself right now. Thanks for reading, and thank you for trying to give me wake-up calls. I guess he's right that I always have to learn things the hard way. I just kept hoping and praying things would change, and at first I thought it was just his job and financial instability that was causing him to be this way, and with each new job he started I felt hopeful that things would get better. But then he started going to meetings again and all the religious problems started.
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43
Quick question!
by emilyblue inhello, how long do judicial committees for possible disfellowship typically last?
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emilyblue
One of the elders called him last weekend and they scheduled the JC for this past Monday. Yes, it was brought to a head by my confession to my bible study teacher. After I told him that I had told her, he knew he had to face the music. He called his ex-wife later that week to let her know she was "free" to remarry, she called the elders, and they contacted him and even tried to come by his apartment on several occasions and questioned why his car wasn't in the lot. He had been out of town all last week. At first he was very angry with me a couple of weeks ago when I told him that I had come clean with my bible study teacher about why I was really studying to be a Witness and what we had done physically. But he forgave me for it and admitted that it was on his head, not mine.
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Quick question!
by emilyblue inhello, how long do judicial committees for possible disfellowship typically last?
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emilyblue
I just set up a counseling appointment for next week. I've been meaning to do that for a long time now because it scares me to realize that I've lost my grasp of what a "normal" relationship looks like and I don't know how I've let myself get to this point. After we have problems, I tell myself that this is finally the last straw, but it never is. I just keep going back for more, even long after I recognized the pattern to his and my behavior. He is so loving one minute and thinks I am the most wonderful thing in his life, and then literally the next day after I disappoint him in however small a way, he tells me I am self-centered and have never really been there for him and then lists everything I have ever done to let him down. I know it is probably frustrating for some of you to read this because I appear oblivious to what is going on, but I'm not. It's just very hard to get my heart to follow my head out of this relationship when I moved here to be with him and have spent over a year trying to work things out. I started second-guessing myself several months ago and felt like he was right and that I was selfish in our relationship, but I am now realizing it's just one big head trip. He's not doing it intentionally. He just can't seem to help himself. As someone posted, it's just the way his mind works. Both of his ex-wives were staunch Witnesses, so I'm a fool to think my converting to a JW would solve all of our problems.
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Quick question!
by emilyblue inhello, how long do judicial committees for possible disfellowship typically last?
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emilyblue
Since he has a week to write a letter requesting an appeal, will they postpone announcing his disfellowship until after the appeal takes place? Also, will other Witnesses truly shun him and not talk to him at all, or will they just not talk about spiritual things with him? The reason why I'm asking this is because he has no other social connections, and all of his family lives out of state. I'm just trying to figure out what to expect. I can't imagine him dealing with being shunned very well.
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43
Quick question!
by emilyblue inhello, how long do judicial committees for possible disfellowship typically last?
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emilyblue
Another thing I don't understand is that he said he is talking allthe time to his JW family and friends on the phone in NY, and they are all encouraging him and speaking with him even though he is disfellowshipped. He also told me that he was going to draw closer to some Witness friends of his that he knew 12 years ago when he first moved to this state after marrying his first wife. Everything I have read on here led me to believe that they could not socially interact with him, but he says they can still talk to him, just not about spiritual things.
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Quick question!
by emilyblue inhello, how long do judicial committees for possible disfellowship typically last?
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emilyblue
Well I want to thank all of you very much for replying to me. He came over last night and we talked some more. He was starting to get annoyed with all of my questions and felt I was concentrating too much on my feelings and not his. He told me that nothing is really changed about our relationship; we just can't go out to dinner and movies and etc. until either his appeal is successful or he is reinstated. He gets his son from his first marriage every other weekend, and I grew close to his son this past year and have always done things with them on his visitation weekends. He told me again last night when I asked about how those weekends would work that we probably couldn't see each other in front of his son (who's six years old) because his son might mention it to his mother is a VERY active Witness, and it could get back to his elders and it would make him appear unrepentant. We stopped the physical aspect of our relationship several months ago when he felt so guilty about it. We have had slip-ups occasionally, but not actual sex. He told me that we can no longer have those slip-ups anymore and we can't be physical again until we're married. I started to feel sorry for myself and asked him what he expected me to do on those weekends when we're not together. I moved to this state last summer to be with him, and between work and my relationship with him, I just haven't really made strong connections with anyone here yet. He told me I needed to go back to the hall and make some friends. It's funny he says that, because in the past when I have gone out with co-workers for dinner or shopping, he used to call my cell constantly and ask me when I was coming home. He said I'm an adult now and I need to start acting like one, and stop whining because he can't take me out to dinner or a movie. He said all that matters is that we spend time with each other. I asked him what if he is disfellowshipped for a whole year, will we still have to lay low? He said he didn't know. When I said I couldn't spend an entire year or more living like that, he said fine, go out and start dating other guys, and see how you like that in a few months and you'll call me and cry and be ready to come back to me. He also told me that he didn't see me being serious about drawing closer to God because he never sees me study or open the bible and I never ask him questions I should be asking. I told him I pray every day and he told me that's not enough, I have to start attending meetings and starting up my study again. I tried to explain to him that I was just feeling insecure and needed some reassurance that our relationship would still be a priority. He told me of course it would be, but he would not put our relationship before his relationship with Jehovah. He said nothing, not even his son, could come before God. He went on and on about how all we had to do was be united in our devotion to Jehovah. I don't understand why it's ok to be with me in private, where God can still see, but not ok in public where the elders or anyone in his church can see. I know that this is just a glimpse into what my world would be like if we were to make it to marriage. I know this life is not for me. It's like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. I KNOW that. I have to find the strength to walk away. I realized that last summer was the most "normal" our relationship ever was, but he says he was so unhappy last summer because he was so spiritually weak. It's just disturbing to me to see someone's relationship with God make him a weirder person instead of a more grounded one. This is just so hard.