Posts by FireNBandits

13

HE'LL BE RIDIN' FOUR WEIRD HORSEMEN WHEN HE COMES! (When he comes!)

by FireNBandits in

"i won't hafta pay my car off when he comes!

"i won't hafta pay my car off!".

FireNBandits

"He'll be comin' in the clouds when he comes! (When he comes!)
"He'll be comin' in the clouds when he comes! (When he comes!)
"He'll be comin' in the clouds!"
"He'll be comin' in the clouds!"
"He'll be comin' in the clouds when he comes!"

"He'll be ridin' four weird horsemen when he comes!" (When he comes!)
"He'll be ridin' four weird horsemen when he comes!" (When he comes!)
"He'll be ridin' four weird horsemen!"
"He'll be ridin' four weird horsemen!"
"He'll be ridin' four weird horsemen when he comes!"

"He'll be servin' up sum whup-ass when he comes!" (When he comes!)
"He'll be servin' up sum whup-ass when he comes!" (When he comes!)
"He'll be servin' up sum whup-ass!"
"He'll be servin' up sum whup-ass!"
"He'll be servin' up sum whup-ass when he comes!"

"Yeah we''ll hear that trumpet blowin' when he comes!" (When he comes!)
"Yeah we'll hear that trumpet blowin when he comes!" (When he comes!)
"Yeah we'll hear that trumpet blowin!"
"Yeah we'll hear that trumpet blowin"!"
"Yeah we'll hear that trumpet blowin' when he comes!"

"There'll be hell to pay and bad stuff when he comes!" (When he comes!)
"There'll be hell to pay and bad stuff when he comes!" (When he comes!)
"There'll be hell to pay and bad-stuff!"
"There'll be hell to pay and bad-stuff!"
"There'll be hell to pay and bad-stuff when he comes!"

"I won't hafta pay my car off when he comes!" (When he comes!)
"I won't hafta pay my car off when he comes!" (When he comes!)
"I won't hafta pay my car off!"
"I won't hafta pay my car off!"
"I won't hafta pay my car off when he comes!"

"He will slap yo momma silly when he comes!" (When he comes!)
"He will slap yo momma silly when he comes!" (When he comes!)
"He will slap yo momma silly!"
"He will slap yo momma silly!"
"He will slap you momma silly when he comes!"

"I will finally show them all when he comes!" (Whe he comes!)
"I will finally show them all when he comes!" (Whe he comes!)
"I will finally show them all!"
"I will finally show them all!"
"I will finally show them all when he comes!"

Saint Martin

37

"But he wasn't a REAL Christian!"

by FireNBandits in

jimmy swaggert (a "swaggert" is a swaggering braggart btw), jim and tammy fakker, or any well-known christian that "blows it" big-time in a public way is sure to elicit that response from the fundagelicals around you.

"but he wasn't a real christian!

" what a convenient psychological device to keep ones fantasy image of ones religion intact!

FireNBandits

Jimmy Swaggert (a "swaggert" is a swaggering braggart BTW), Jim and Tammy Fakker, or any well-known Christian that "blows it" big-time in a public way is sure to elicit that response from the fundagelicals around you. "But he wasn't a REAL Christian!" What a convenient psychological device to keep ones fantasy image of ones religion intact! It's as if Ford Motors were to say, "Ford automobiles never break down." Then, when they're confronted by Fords that broke down, they exclaim, "But it wasn't a REAL Ford because REAL Fords don't break down!"

If we follow this convoluted reasoning to it's logical conclusion then NO ONE is a "real" Christian because ALL Christians perfrom misdeeds both great and small!

Clearly, this line of reasoning is simply a PR tactic, a "spin" worthy of the GB, to save the public face of Christianity. If true, then Peter was not a REAL Christian because he denied Christ! THREE TIMES! Clearly, the Mighty Peter struck out!

Christians latch onto this argument only when the "sinner" is someone famous and/or influential. If they find out that Baptist brother Bob Cowlick--who always sings off key--made some whoopee with Ms. Glick the piano player, well shucks: "They jus' 'pentent sinners and heckfire, they dun 'pented an' it's "under the blood." But if Public Christian Number One does it, then "He wasn't a REAL Christian!" Again, this is to distance Christianity--and hence Jesus--from bad PR. Can you say WATCHTOWER?

Again, as I've stated before, I'm always amazed that fundagelicals can read the hearts of others and know whether or not someone is a "real" Christian. If someone tells me they believe Jesus died for their sins, etc, they're a Christian. If they believe there is no God but Allah and Muhammad is his prophet, they're a Muslim. Etc. "Oh, but Public Christian Glick does not believe in Fundy Dogma B! Glick believes in Fundy Dogma A! Clearly he has fallen into error because Bible Verse W says so!"

Gotta go vomit now. -Martin

12

THE EKKLESIA

by RR in

there are many churches [gr.

ekklesia's], bearing a great variety of names, and holding to many shades of belief with respect to the teachings of jesus and his apostles.

when considering these differences of viewpoint it is not out of order, i think, to inquire as to what the church really is, and what the divine purpose is concerning it.

FireNBandits

Hi Gopher. I realize this is a very old post, but I'm reading old posts so that I can become better acquainted with the folks here. They're worth the effort. I'm an abrasive person, but I'm not always trying to be abrasive. I am not trying to be abrasive when I say that Dubs that dump Annihilation Jehovah and embrace Hellfire Jehovah are simply making a choice between Dumb and Dumber. Or evil and evil-er. The underlying presuppositions remain the same. Unquestioned, uncontested.

There is a personal God.

This personal God gives a horses patoot about humans despite all rational evidence to the contrary.

God performs miracles. Or, at least used to perform miracles. Floating axe-heads, water into wine, raising the dead, etc and so forth.

We tiny humans, less than a speck of dust, somehow thwarted the plans of an Omnipotent and Omniscient God, and the action of a single human in picking a piece of fruit--that was a "no no"--cursed the entire unfathomable universe to entropy, disease, malfucntion, death.

The personal God has a Son who became a human, and his suffering and death paid a "ranson" price for us. (Who was the ranson paid to? Satan? Or did God pay it to Himself???)

Then this demigod Jesus rose from the dead and forty days later flew away "up" to heaven without an airplane, balloon, or the principles of werodynamics.

God loves us so very much that unless we submit to Jesus and believe all these unverifiable declarations about him, God will toss us into the Lake of Fire.

I could lengthen this list out ad infinitum of course. The point is that none of this is rational, logical, or self-evident. In fact it's illogical, irrational, and a leap of faith. Certainly, if you "buy into" these presuppositions THEN the insane story has it's own INTERNAL logic---as all religions do--but there is no logic in it per se. It's a leap of faith in statements, presuppostions, propositions, that are unverifiable, irrational, illogical. I don't mind that, not really. I don't care what your secret beliefs are. I get riled up when large groups of people whose minds have bitten into this "crab-apple" gang together and "gang up" on the rest of us, as Christians have done throughtout their history, and are doing right now. Christians, Muslims, all types of True Believers (fanatics) are not content to simply inflict their religion upon themselves, they believe they have a Divine Mandate to inflict their meme on everyone...which of course is the very nature of a meme. Misery loves company. "Hey! My religion wont let ME have fun by doing X Y or Z! Why should YOU be able to have fun doing X Y or Z?!?!"

Remember, your religion is a system of BELIEFS, not science. -Martin "As for me and my household, we shall serve pizza and beer. Prolly some herb too"

9

Are you excited!!

by cultswatter in

there is much blow on the joes coming in the near future.

1. the memorial partakers - up or down?

- will they publish the number?.

FireNBandits

That means the median age here is older than I guessed. "Jonestown" isn't exactly a household word. Martin

31

Another Watchtower Flip Flop.

by gumby in

it's no wonder so many witnesses need medication since they must rely on the faithful slave do make decisions and do their thinking for them.. evidently jehovah changed his mind once again in the articles shown below and thanks to the fds they let the publishers in on it.. the watchtower march 1, 2002 p.30 .

is it correct to say that jehovah's mercy tempers his justice?.

although this expression has been used, it is best to avoid it since it seems to imply that jehovah's mercy softens or restrains his justice, as if his mercy were superior to the harsher quality of justice.

FireNBandits

Hi Gumby! I gather that you're still on the inside. My hat's off to you. Anyone who can stay "in the truth" and keep their sanity, let alone their sense of humor, is a very special person indeed. I hope you're able to plant seeds of doubt and sanity among the Dubs whose elbows you rubs. Martin

41

Creationism hiding in plain sight

by FireNBandits in

a friend pointed out to me that "theistic evolution" is, in essence, no different than intelligent design.

both postulate a creator that is behind creation.

both use the words "creation" and "creator.

FireNBandits

LMAO Press Any Key!

41

Creationism hiding in plain sight

by FireNBandits in

a friend pointed out to me that "theistic evolution" is, in essence, no different than intelligent design.

both postulate a creator that is behind creation.

both use the words "creation" and "creator.

FireNBandits

Thank you Bernadette. May your coming week be blest with love divine. Martin

41

Creationism hiding in plain sight

by FireNBandits in

a friend pointed out to me that "theistic evolution" is, in essence, no different than intelligent design.

both postulate a creator that is behind creation.

both use the words "creation" and "creator.

FireNBandits

Thanks, Starting Over.

Probably thirty years ago I was reading a copy of The Mother Earth News, and that particular issue had a short folksy mini-comic inside. The comic was written from the point of view of two German Shepherd dogs owned by the farmers. The chickens and rooster got loose and the dogs were running around shouting "Fire and bandits!" in dog-speak. So, whenever I hear a dog bark I think,"Fire and bandits!" Yeah, it's kinda anticlimactic.

Martin

11

My apology and No it's not funny at all

by FireNBandits in

jw
friends

my grandnephew is visitng and i left the computer on, and also on this web-site.

i apologize for the pornographic photo that was briefly up as my icon, thanks to said grandnephew.

he thought it was a real scream.

FireNBandits

He knew darn well what he was doing. I nearly had a heart attack.

41

Creationism hiding in plain sight

by FireNBandits in

a friend pointed out to me that "theistic evolution" is, in essence, no different than intelligent design.

both postulate a creator that is behind creation.

both use the words "creation" and "creator.

FireNBandits

Hi Abaddon. I try hard to keep my personal mystical experiences seperate from science because my personal mystical experiences aren't scientific. I have friends who have graduate degrees but who are also fundies and rabid defenders of ID. Once I understood what a meme is, the behavior made more sense, but it's still a shock to find intelligent educated people who do not understand what the scientific method is, and who can argue that this cosmos displays intelligent design. If anything it displays a blundering blind stupidity. Martin