Posts by GoddessRachel

71

My Boyfriend's not a Witness...

by Hikaru in

alright, with my last post it should be obvious i'm in conflict...if it's not, then yeah.. my boyfriend is not a witness.

he understands that witnesses can't marry or date non witnesses.

but i guess could say we've been stalling...looking for a solution a gray area to that black and white situation...but with time getting as it is...stalling doesn't work anymore.

GoddessRachel

Zaikanata (4:32:24 PM): .. alright, I'm ready to talk.
Zaikanata (4:34:43 PM): I will learn what there is to learn. However, I can't fully promise I'll get out everything I need out of it to understand..
Zaikanata (4:36:47 PM): I'm sorry that I turned off my phone that night, if that gave you the idea that I was trying to avoid you. I was conflicted that night too.. I needed some time to mself.
Zaikanata (4:36:51 PM): myself*
Zaikanata (4:37:43 PM): I don't hate you.. I love you. I still do.
Zaikanata (4:38:15 PM): ... and I want to just kill myself for even suggesting that we weren't meant for each other, to be away from you..
Zaikanata (4:39:56 PM): I'm a horrible person, I know..
Zaikanata went idle at 6:33:19 PM
Zaikanata came back from idle at 6:45:35 PM
nekohikaruchan (7:02:40 PM): Sorry, I was afk browsing from phone. And sorry for over-reacting. You usually never sign off AIM at night, so I reacted on that too.And sorry for all of this.
Zaikanata (7:03:38 PM): It's fine. You don't have to apologize, remember?
Zaikanata (7:04:21 PM): Actually, it should be me that does that..
Zaikanata (7:04:47 PM): I'm sorry for being too focused on myself when you clearly needed me..
nekohikaruchan (7:11:00 PM):
I need to apologize more. I'm the one that's hiding behind others because I'm too afraid to bring up the topics myself. The one trying to force beliefs by going about it the wrong way, by again using others to say it, all just because I'm scared for us both, nothing thinking about the negativity that could cause. Sorry.
Zaikanata (7:12:18 PM): I accept your apology..
Zaikanata (7:13:13 PM): And.. just to tell you, I'll be your friend no matter what. I won't completely abandon you like Ben did..
Zaikanata (7:13:36 PM): Even if you left like Mew did.

Congratulations, you have guilt-tripped him into learning "The Truth," which you don't even know well enough to explain to him (the funny thing about truth is that it is straightforward and simple, you don't need a publication to explain it, it stands up for itself, so if you have to find an article or ask your grandma why something is, that could be a red flag as to its truthfulness, just a thought).

He still is saying he will be your friend no matter what. Friend. Not boyfriend. Take him at his word. Males always tell us what they think, and we females tend to morph it into what we want to hear. It's a bad habit of ours, and will never get us anywhere worthwhile, trust me.

By the way, do you wonder why you are seeking "worldly" friends in the first place? It may be for a different reason than you think. Perhaps a part of you has to be suppressed as one of Jehovah's Witnesses? Maybe it would be vital for you to spend some time exploring why you do the things you do, and who you are as a person, and let the rest take care of itself? Have you ever spent any time exploring yourself, and what makes you you?

What do you want out of life? How do you envision your life to be? One of the greatest things about being a human is our power of imagination. Why not imagine what you would like your life to look like in the next five years, and then work toward making that vision a reality?

What does Hikaru want?

What does Hikaru want? (And I don't mean her possible boyfriend to convert to her religion. Though it looks as though you may be able to nag him into studying, he is obviously capable of thought, and the Jehovah's Witness teachings are not going to appeal to him.)

I challenge you to truly learn about your religion and see if you can stand behind its teachings. How can you agree with something if you don't even know what it is!?

Genuinely,

Rachel

71

My Boyfriend's not a Witness...

by Hikaru in

alright, with my last post it should be obvious i'm in conflict...if it's not, then yeah.. my boyfriend is not a witness.

he understands that witnesses can't marry or date non witnesses.

but i guess could say we've been stalling...looking for a solution a gray area to that black and white situation...but with time getting as it is...stalling doesn't work anymore.

GoddessRachel

I'm sorry, but.. I can't convert. I love you, but.. if I converted, I would lose myself, the myself that loves you..
Zaikanata (1:41:15 AM): I am me... I need me, yet I love you.
nekohikaruchan (1:59:03 AM): Sorry..
Zaikanata (1:59:49 AM): You have done nothing wrong..
mizuulquiorri1 (2:04:22 AM) has been invited.
Zaikanata (2:05:10 AM): I won't ask you to convert either.. I would just then be robbing you of what you believe..
nekohikaruchan (2:08:48 AM): Then what?
Zaikanata (2:10:42 AM): I don't know.
nekohikaruchan (2:13:04 AM): This is why I didn't want her to bring up this topic.
Zaikanata (2:13:23 AM): Don't blame Ino for it. It would have risen up eventually..
Zaikanata (2:53:57 AM): All I can say about this now.. I still love you. And nothing will change that.
nekohikaruchan (3:09:32 AM): What do you mean lose the part of yourself that loves me?
Zaikanata (3:10:50 AM): I said I would lose the 'myself' that loves you. It isn't a part of me, but it is me as a whole..
Zaikanata (3:12:24 AM): In my eyes, to convert to be a witness would mean I abandon everything that made me.. me. To fully devote myself to a god that required utmost worship in all aspects of life... there would be no room to love anyone else for me if I were to convert.
Zaikanata (3:13:09 AM): I would lose what made up me and my shell would be what would remain..
Zaikanata (3:14:56 AM): I don't believe that any god would make life just to make them worship them... For 'my god' views everyone equal, no matter the sin they committed or the abomnation they have made..
Zaikanata (3:16:03 AM): And for those that would seek salvation for 'our end of the world,' our god is offered as a choice, but not a requirement..
Zaikanata (3:16:52 AM): I won't say any more about it, for I fear it is not my place to continue talking about it..
Zaikanata (3:18:30 AM): I refer to 'me' as 'myself' because... that's who and what I am. Me. No matter the creator, no matter the reason I was made... I live as me.
Zaikanata (3:20:19 AM): If I completely devoted everything there was to my life to being a witness... I lose me as an individual, and replaced as me as a hollow shell that can do nothing but devote everything, not leaving any room for happiness in life.
Zaikanata (3:20:43 AM): That's it.
Zaikanata (3:24:56 AM): Long story short, I fear I would no longer be 'Zai.' I would be someone else..
nekohikaruchan (3:29:00 AM): Then...there's no solution.
Zaikanata (3:30:55 AM): We are still capable of loving.. it's just we cannot marry..
nekohikaruchan (3:31:49 AM): Or date.
Zaikanata (3:32:51 AM): I'll go and say it now, to get it off my mind.. I want to marry you.
Zaikanata (3:32:58 AM): But respecting your religion.. I can't..
Zaikanata (3:38:22 AM): Seems I killed whatever remained of the chat..
Zaikanata (3:39:03 AM): If it's too sudden, I'm sorry.

He sounds very capable of thinking for himself, and he sounds like he has broken off your relationship.

71

My Boyfriend's not a Witness...

by Hikaru in

alright, with my last post it should be obvious i'm in conflict...if it's not, then yeah.. my boyfriend is not a witness.

he understands that witnesses can't marry or date non witnesses.

but i guess could say we've been stalling...looking for a solution a gray area to that black and white situation...but with time getting as it is...stalling doesn't work anymore.

GoddessRachel

Tomak90 (12:29:00 AM): Can anyone fill me in on why JW can't date other people?
Zaikanata (12:29:26 AM): I don't know. I just know they can't..
Tomak90 (12:29:34 AM): ...Hikaru?
nekohikaruchan (12:30:02 AM): I can't find anything on it. http://www.watchtower.org/e/200706a/article_01.htm One of the paragraphs in that is all I can find. Checking the CD-rom, hold on.
Tomak90 (12:30:09 AM): Alright.
nekohikaruchan (12:57:56 AM): I can't find it, and if I ask grandma she'll be all "Why do you need that?"
Zaikanata (12:58:28 AM): I see..
nekohikaruchan (12:59:29 AM): I don't think just saying curiosity is going to work. Since she knows I don't ask questions unless I'm scared of something in the news. And she's not stupid. She can put two and two together.
Zaikanata (1:01:07 AM): It's only slightly more easier for me, but it would create tension... I know, without a doubt in my mind, that my father would support me all the way.
Zaikanata (1:01:37 AM): ... My mother though, she'll get angry, fight with my father, and then the entire family would get involved, etc. ...
Zaikanata (1:02:39 AM): There would be no way to admit to them at all, much less even ask about what I should do..

Hikaru, do you honestly not know why you can't date or marry a non-JW as a JW? Or do you just not want to tell them? I don't get it. Why would you so adamantly insist on something and not even know the reason why you do it? To me this is a strong indication of not being ready for a relationship anyway.

Reading through this it seems to me you are only trying to manipulate your "boyfriend" into doing what you want. Manipulation, no matter the motivation, is never a good thing in a relationship. It's a poor foundation for one, and it will only end in intense heartache. You say you are in pain over this matter now, and you haven't even met him in person! You are in trouble deep, girl. If you would just take what we are telling you seriously, you would get out now, before you exacerbate the entire thing!

27

Eating Cleaner

by White Dove in

jw
friends

i'm beginning to keep a bowl of fresh fruit, cup of peanuts, raw baby carrots and ranch dressing, and water by my computer desk at home so when i need a snack between meals, i can graze.

i find it difficult to eat too much when it is clean food.. clean food: naturally occuring food that you can recognize..

GoddessRachel

Thanks for the site, beks.

I try to eat real food as much as possible, and stay away from all those nasty thigns beks mentioned. It's hard to do, but very rewarding.

58

"I'm Perfect, You're Doomed" discussion...

by Tuesday in

jw
friends

has anyone read this book?.

i figured i had to comment because everyone was telling me oh tim, youre going to love this book.

she went to the same assemblies as you, she was raised in a similar household, she did poetry slams as well.

GoddessRachel

The "He can't relate to it, that's why he didn't like it" to me seems somewhat ridiculous. I can't relate to being a superhero like Spiderman but I still enjoyed that movie. I can't relate to being a female bounty hunter who has a crush on a criminal but I still enjoyed Janet Evanovich.

How is it a ridiculous reason given for why you might not have liked it when it's the reason why I do like it?

I'm confused as to what about my statement made you feel defensive. I was simply giving a theory as to why you might not have liked it. No harm or ill will meant. Just a thought, a possibility. My apologies if it was offensive to you.

I get so confused when a thread says it's a discussion, but then I leave it feeling shot in the foot for opening my mouth and posting my thoughts.

I guess that's why I mostly end up staying away from these boards.

Cheers.

(I still liked the book.)

40

Have you called your mother lately?

by beksbks in

jw
friends

my mom is pretty cool.

81 years old and still going fairly strong.

my older sister was the first one to leave the dubs in our 3rd gen jw family.

GoddessRachel

Your mom sounds amazing. Thanks for sharing your family experiences.

Rachel

58

"I'm Perfect, You're Doomed" discussion...

by Tuesday in

jw
friends

has anyone read this book?.

i figured i had to comment because everyone was telling me oh tim, youre going to love this book.

she went to the same assemblies as you, she was raised in a similar household, she did poetry slams as well.

GoddessRachel

But the most damaging thing I keep coming back to, the one that really made me say "Look I can't say this book is a good example of what ex-JWs are like" is where she confirms she was making up an accusation of her father molesting her to look cool. Now JWs have in print a place they can point to in order to confirm why the two witness rule is something that is OK for cases of molestation because the kid could be making it up. Which I hopefully don't have to point out to you just how damaging this is.

Also, I don't think this book is supposed to be an example of what ex-JW's are like, nor for that matter, do I think you can say ex-JW's are like anything. We are, each of us, individuals, are we not? Why are you trying to cram all ex-JW's into a box?

Oh, and the incident you are referring to, where Kyria has a thought, and then exclaims some vague thing at her father, is hardly the same as making a false accusation. She never actually made the accusation. Who was she looking cool to? It was a thought in her head. You've never had an inappropriate and/or crazy thought?

Rachel

P.S. It's okay to not like something, simply because you don't. That's enough reason. But it sort of seems like you are trying to get us to not like the book too. That's weird.

58

"I'm Perfect, You're Doomed" discussion...

by Tuesday in

jw
friends

has anyone read this book?.

i figured i had to comment because everyone was telling me oh tim, youre going to love this book.

she went to the same assemblies as you, she was raised in a similar household, she did poetry slams as well.

GoddessRachel

People need to stop with this "You don't relate because you don't know what it's like" stuff, I was a Jehovah's Witness too. As I said earlier in the thread I grew up two towns over from her, I was in a gifted program, my parents had a bad marriage, in fact I was the child of divorce who was quite literally made to choose in the courtroom between his parents.

No, Tuesday, I don't have to stop with this you don't relate. You don't. Did you get told your entire life that your opinion does not matter, that your purpose in life is to respect and submit to your husband? No, you did not. Boys and men in that religion are taught that they are above women. You don't relate. You don't relate. You don't have any clue what it was like to be a Jehovah's Witness girl, and nothing you can say will convice me otherwise.

And frankly, I don't care that you don't like the book. That's cool with me. I was thinking the thread title that included the word "discussion" meant I could give my opinions on the book. Maybe I was wrong.

I also hated Transformers.

Rachel

71

My Boyfriend's not a Witness...

by Hikaru in

alright, with my last post it should be obvious i'm in conflict...if it's not, then yeah.. my boyfriend is not a witness.

he understands that witnesses can't marry or date non witnesses.

but i guess could say we've been stalling...looking for a solution a gray area to that black and white situation...but with time getting as it is...stalling doesn't work anymore.

GoddessRachel

My boyfriend is not a witness. He understands that witnesses can't marry or date non witnesses. But I guess could say we've been stalling...looking for a solution a gray area to that black and white situation...but with time getting as it is...Stalling doesn't work anymore. The more time I stall, the closer it gets with neither of us being saved....

You want to be with him, but you can't because he is not a Witness.

You haven't found a gray area, and you don't feel like there is one.

I should mention this is an online relationship that was wanted to be real someday.... He said he can't convert because he's afraid to "lose himself." Afraid if he devotes himself fully to god, he'd have no room for happiness and lose the love he has for me....

He has told you he is not going to convert. You can't be with him because he is not a Witness, and he has told you he is not going to become one. Believe him when he tells you this, because he is telling you the truth.

I'm conflicted on what to do.

You don't seem conflicted. You seem clear on what you need, and what he needs, and that they are two very different things.

I can't tell grandma nor an elder. They wouldn't get past the "It's an internet relationship," part long enough to give me guidance. Praying...I prayed and prayed for guidance...and the way it came... It seems god wants me to end it, if that's the answer I got and I'm not just reading too much into it....

You can't talk to people around you so you turned here for advice. You prayed to God and feel God gave you an answer, but not the answer you wanted to hear.

How can I follow my heart, and at the same time hope to save my life?

It appears as though you can't.

And even if I succeeded in doing both, watch him lose his?

You say you really love this guy, but yet you believe he is going to die.

If it comes before next or the year after? We'll only be together over the internet and never see each other before it......

You believe the end of the world is really imminent.

I have issues bringing up subjects without withdrawing into silence mode...so I can't talk to him about it. But I had others do it...and he's not even willing to learn enough about it before choosing. He's a humanitarian with christian/christendom morals......

You are unable to open up to the man you love. He's given you his answer, but you are still looking for gray area, which really means "how to convert him."

The thing is, I can't end it!

You don't feel that you have the ability, power, or desire to end what you have with this guy.

I don't want to end it!

You don't want to give him up, even if that means accepting who he is.

Even if I ended the realtionship and chose god... Walking away and getting over it? Not possible. He's too important to me...even if I ended it I wouldn't get over it. I'd still worry for his life, still be in conflict...and probably even more pain. If we stay together the same...... there's just no gray option.

You believe God would ask you to give up the person you love. You believe you would never be able to get over your feelings for this person.

I asked him this as an attempt."Fine, I have this question. Would you rather be with me forever or only what's left of this f****ed up mortal life?" and the answer he gave was... "Of course I would want to be with you forever. But considering the circumstances.."

You asked him if he would choose forever with you by converting, and he gave you his response. His response is no.

I am at a loss....I honestly don't know what to do. I've read the threads here already...I don't intend on converting. So it's useless to give that answer...

You feel as though you don't know what to do, but it seems you know what to do, you just don't like the answer.

Rachel

71

My Boyfriend's not a Witness...

by Hikaru in

alright, with my last post it should be obvious i'm in conflict...if it's not, then yeah.. my boyfriend is not a witness.

he understands that witnesses can't marry or date non witnesses.

but i guess could say we've been stalling...looking for a solution a gray area to that black and white situation...but with time getting as it is...stalling doesn't work anymore.

GoddessRachel

Hikaru! Please listen to Mrs. Jones!

I was supposed to get married at 19, and my fiance called off the wedding. I thought I would die too! Thankfully, I didn't, and I met the wonderful man I am in love with today. My ex-fiance got married recently, and I am truly happy for him. He and I were all wrong for each other, even though at 18 we thought we were perfect for each other! Getting married would have been a disaster!

And now I live with a man I met online, whom I love very much, and whom I had to meet in person before I could know how I really felt. The reality is much different than the online relationship, let me tell you. And all the stuff that Mrs. Jones talked about - how he smells, if he misses when he pees, if he chews with his mouth closed, etc. - all the stuff does matter in your day-to-day reality! Meet the guy before you go any further with this obsession, please!

I also believe you are going to find out the hard way that you cannot change another person, no matter how hard you try! Either accept him as he is or find someone else! It's that simple! You can't convert him! Even if he does it for you, it's not his natural course, and it will backfire later, whether he resents you for doing something he otherwise would not have done or something else.

I am sorry you are hurting. I would also recommend some physical exercise as a means to help you cope with the stress your mind is causing you (I know the feeling - I have a very overactive brain and it drives me nuts sometimes). Dance to your favorite music, go for a really long walk, do some yoga poses. It helps, I promise.

I hope you will let us know how you to decide to handle this. The people on this board do care.

Rachel