You can try to maintain friendships within the confines of a "weak" JW.
...hard row to hoe...
Opinion from a person who made fading a lifestyle and is now in counseling for it.
Posts by wings
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47Is JWD #1.....My Therapist....his first advice on JW's, me, and divorce
by oompa ini have told my new therapist so much about jwd, some of the insightful comments here, and how much it has helped me and other dubs that we both now wonder if there are other jw help sites.
i really don't know as this was the first and only one i ever found, and it was just what i needed.. he has pegged me well as impatient, and knows i was vocal about my wake-up from jw.
his advice right now is to back off totally on trying to help any others, and i have told him that many here have said no one will wake-up until they want to for some reason.
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wings
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47
Is JWD #1.....My Therapist....his first advice on JW's, me, and divorce
by oompa ini have told my new therapist so much about jwd, some of the insightful comments here, and how much it has helped me and other dubs that we both now wonder if there are other jw help sites.
i really don't know as this was the first and only one i ever found, and it was just what i needed.. he has pegged me well as impatient, and knows i was vocal about my wake-up from jw.
his advice right now is to back off totally on trying to help any others, and i have told him that many here have said no one will wake-up until they want to for some reason.
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wings
I just started with a therapist, been two times. It would be impossible for her to fully understand what the issues really are with me so soon. She only has a moderate understanding of the JW cult, at best. If I stick with her she will understand more, a lot more.
Going back to meetings is madness, and bad advice in my opinion. I am not putting down your therapist, however, it may been too soon in your relationship with him for him to get just what going back to meetings really means.
You are only human, and you can't push yourself too far. I hear in your posts that you are at your end of your ability to tolerate the crap. I have personally pushed myself too far, for good reasons. Remember however, personal limits are real, and the "ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba, hide all the guns" thing really can happen. You don't want to go there, take it from me.
I am in a similar place in my marriage. I don't want it to end, but I don't see a future. Bad place to be. All I can offer is that I understand.
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"What are your fruits?"
by changeling insomeone i love asked me that the other day.. i said: "i'm a good person, and i love my family".
i also said: "regardless of religion, i strive to follow the 'golden rule'.".
i don't think this is what the person wanted to hear.. so, now that you no longer "serve jehovah", what are your friuts?.
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wings
My fruits are anxiety, frustration, joy, stress, love, incredible patience, hopelessness, hopefullness, ridiculious kindness and generosity, and no self-control.
Those who know me would say I'm a nut, not a fruit, although I like to think of myself as a peach.
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Alien Craft Sighted Over Bethel
by compound complex inplease do not panic!
the following was only a dramatization [i think!]:.
today - a typical sunday - is a vege-do-not-leave-the-house sort of day.
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wings
I also have some difficulity separating fact from fiction. I also love movies. So what do you think? Is it the big A? Is Jehovah hitting Bethel first for a reason?
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wings
Yes sir....we surely could. Thanks for the reminder.
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Do you feel it or not?
by chappy inhow many of you who have left the wto and haven't become associted with some other religion have found that they feel a real sense of spirituality for the first time in their life?.
chappy.
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wings
*** Thanks for your disingenuousness wts--- I didn't even know what truth really was until you were caught in so many lies.***
Watkins...most of what I know today is what is NOT truth. Still it is freeing, and feels good to really know that it is NOT the all powerful truth.
Now I feel I am opening up to just believing in....what I am not sure yet....but something beyond just me.
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about time i formally introduced myself
by karter ini was a j.w for 38 years did'nt do a fade just "checked out and left" that was 7 years ago .. wife still a j.w so still have the elders ask why?.
i started to explain to one he went into lock down mode so why bother.. i'll defend the j.ws to the end for things i fell are right but wont stand idly by and say nothing when i know what they are saying is wrong.. that's got me into a lot of trouble.. karter.
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wings
Welcome, look forward to getting to know you.
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What about your JW past are you thankful for?
by nvrgnbk inin the interest of self-healing and finding the peace that comes from being grateful, can you think of anything at all that was positive about having been one of jehovah's witnesses?.
not to be misunderstood with missing something about it, is there something about the experience that has enriched you?.
to answer the question myself, being forced to face the fallacies of the teachings of jwism, i was also prompted to look past those teachings and reevaluate everything i believed in.. that experience was frightening and unsettling, but i'm thankful for it.. i now have a greater appreciation for life in all its wonder than i did when i took it for granted as one of jehovah's witnesses.. i'm more determined now to find meaning in this life, after having lived for so long for a future that was never to arrive..
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wings
I think that thankful is a strong word. But it is hard for me personally to wish I had never been involved. Don't get me wrong, I am full of personal regrets, anger, horror....just like most here. It was so much of my life, and since it doesn't work to live your life over, I am left with the project of making peace with it.
I believe humility will be what I end up being thankful for. I was duped and draged through hell by my own will. I am not a stupid person, nor was I born into it like so many. If I ever do forgive myself, I could have access to a deeper level of humility because of my JW past.
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When did you STOP considering yourself a JW ? ? ? ?
by JH inany particular event sparked this change of heart ?.
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wings
The final straw was about the time my self righteous in-laws told me for the umpteenth time that it was wrong of me to let my 18 year unbaptized, physically and mentally handicaped son live with me because he smoked (outside). I was letting the demons into the family.
They would not have anything to do with him, shunned him even though he wasn't baptized. Although they were very active in field service, they couldn't even smile at my son or offer me anything but oppression during one of the hardest trials of my life.
I remember coming home after a round with them and asked my son for a ciggarette. I only took a few puffs, but it was the moment I knew I was DONE. I would not be like them. I stopped being a JW in my mind and heart, but it was just the begining of the five year fade.
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Why do we have to talk about what happened to us?
by wanderlustguy ini just watched reign over me.
adam sandler has come a long way as an actor, and i thought he did very well portraying the feelings someone has who keeps the pain of emotional tragedy inside.
i'll never feel ok about all the damage caused by me when i was at my worst.. the movie also made me think about me and my relationships and us as a group of people affected by something so tragic in some cases.
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wings
Great post. So true. Thank you.
It is one thing to sit and talk about cult mind control and group dynamics, but it's another thing to know and be raised by a person who not only mastered the art of mind control but used, and continues to use it, at a level that should be criminal.
I would like to hear more about this sometime. I married into a JW dynasty. I have similar issues with my Father-in-law and my husband. My step kids took the worst of it. The oldest is 34 now.
Anyway, thanks again.