Why do we have to talk about what happened to us?

by wanderlustguy 26 Replies latest jw friends

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  wanderlustguy

  I just watched reign over me. Adam Sandler has come a long way as an actor, and I thought he did very well portraying the feelings someone has who keeps the pain of emotional tragedy inside. I'll never feel ok about all the damage caused by me when I was at my worst.

  The movie also made me think about me and my relationships and us as a group of people affected by something so tragic in some cases. The ex-dub thing is a huge relationship issue. For me, the one person I wanted to talk to about it, the one that was supposed to want to be there, wouldn't let me talk about it. So...I came here. Eventually I talked less and less to her about more and more things, because unless I had passed this one spot in the road, my life as a witness and the effects of it, it was useless to try to go further with her.

  Maybe it's the same with life, without a place to vent it all out and let it go, you can't move forward anymore. For me it is about more than just The Truth, though. The Truth is just something that enhanced a horrible person's ability to do some incredible damage to me and other people in my life. The most fearful moment in my life was when I realized that unless something drastic happened, that person was going to be me, I had done some and would eventually do more of the same things with no intent, just instinct. It is one thing to sit and talk about cult mind control and group dynamics, but it's another thing to know and be raised by a person who not only mastered the art of mind control but used, and continues to use it, at a level that should be criminal. When you realize a person has the ability to make you forget what they want you to forget, there is no way to describe the feeling as you start to open the doors someone else closed in your mind.

  But, just try to explain that to "worldly people". You know it's a waste as soon as they say "yea, I knew this person who was a Jehovah".

  WLG
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  misanthropic

  Very good point...
  I think a lot of us talk about it with each other because we're the only people who can relate and understand what we all have been through and go through every day.
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  Warlock

  Very good point...
  I think a lot of us talk about it with each other because we're the only people who can relate and understand what we all have been through and go through every day.

  Yup.

  It is IMPOSSIBLE to know what it's like, unless you lived it.

  Warlock
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  shopaholic

  For me, the one person I wanted to talk to about it, the one that was supposed to want to be there, wouldn't let me talk about it. So...I came here. Eventually I talked less and less to her about more and more things, because unless I had passed this one spot in the road, my life as a witness and the effects of it, it was useless to try to go further with her.

  This is what I'm going through right now. A very close friend just told me last night that I don't say much anymore. How can I say something when the major thing weighing on my soul is too much for the person to handle? I've attempted to start down that path several times but was immediately shutdown each time, so what else is there to say...especially when the response is that I just need to find a way to put myself back into the center of the org. Its like they don't even want to listen, its basically "Yeah...whatever...Just go the KH and stop your whining."

  BTW...Reign Over Me was a great movie.
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  4digitcode

  is that the movie with don cheadle as well? i missed that one.
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  oompa

  Good thought Wanderlust. Sad too. I feel like a stranger in a strange land. How can somthing this big in my life be something that I am not even allowed to talk with my wife about? That is nuts. Even one close friend said to stop because "it is disturbing"....well I told him it sure as hell disturbed me too. And I am only citing WT material.....it sucks and I still feel like a double lifer.....oompa
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  jgnat

  Hey, I'm technically an "outsider" and I get it. I think you guys could comfortably talk about what you've been through in a survivors group of say, spousal abuse or parental neglect. The techniques of control and manipulation are about the same.

  Where the ex-Witness starts to lose me is when they try and explain the technicalities and habits of their organization. They assume I don't know. I've done my research, and most of the weird dynamics in the hall can be predicted from large corporate organizational behavior. Or maybe it's because I'm an unusually fast study.

  Where I find great kinship is in talking about what we have in common.
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  OnTheWayOut

  Deep thoughts from Wanderlustguy. I totally relate.

  For me, the one person I wanted to talk to about it, the one that was supposed to want to be there, wouldn't let me talk about it. So...I came here.

  I think that helps me understand why I come here too much. I want to say these things to my wife.
  I want to scream them from the rooftop to anyone who will listen, since I cannot openly discuss them with her.

  Maybe it's the same with life, without a place to vent it all out and let it go, you can't move forward anymore.

  Yes, yes. I had been stalled for about a year, now I crawl forward again. Good way to put it.

  But, just try to explain that to "worldly people".

  My experiences are all different from yours, but worldly friends and family just say to "get over it."

  Great post, my friend.
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  jgnat

  OTWO: I think that helps me understand why I come here too much. I want to say these things to my wife. I want to scream them from the rooftop to anyone who will listen, since I cannot openly discuss them with her.

  I thorougly relate to that. I consider JWD to be the safety valve in my marriage. By the way, I do tell my hubby how I "really feel" on occasion, but only when he asks for it. The advantage of working out my feelings on JWD is that when he does ask, my answer comes out as a dynamic, compact, dramatic sound byte.

  My response yesterday to a question about respecting what the slave says, "Who ever heard of a slave talking? Who ever asks their opinion? Slaves do what they are told. They don't tell other people what to do."

  One-two-punch-score.
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  Mystery

  you wrote: Maybe it's the same with life, without a place to vent it all out and let it go, you can't move forward anymore.... Thank you. I have a large problem not relating to JW's that has been going on for quite some time. I don't have a place to vent for that problem. Both my husband and i are at a lose on what to do. Now when the situation comes up we do what has to be done; but we don't talk about how to 'make it go away and not happen again'. I occasionally see a therapist basically due to my son - but with this problem i can't speak openly to her. I can't move forward, i am at a complete lose on what to do. JWD has helped me tremendously - it has allowed me to vent and to discover so much more than i ever realized. I have moved forward - they don't control me any longer. I am still cautious when talking with my family, but at least i can still talk to them. Wanderlust you hit 'it' on the head for me. I have to move forward with this situation - i have to find a place to vent, i have to move forward - i have lately just been letting it be - i have to figure out how to move forward.