Such
articles honorably try to foster friendship and good relationships across
cultures and ages. However, the actual outcome is largely not what these articles
aim for. This issue applies to all religions where members gather based on
their shared faith.
Through
the years, I noticed that after such articles would come out, people (including
me), would reach out to people they normally didn’t hang out with. These attempts
would often fail and result in shallow conversation. Both participants
understood the conversation was a result of such articles about “Christian love”
and felt a bit forced. Some would give up on these attempts while others would
keep trying, appearing phony with many members of the congregations. This whole
social endeavor generally ended right back to what people were doing before the
articles, except that people judged each other a bit more.
I
came to understand this social dilemma years back when I had a conversation
with an elder. I confronted him on how the elders basically ignored me for over
a year since I had joined their congregation. He started by asking for my forgiveness
as he had failed his role as a “Shepard”, but then, provided a bit of a context
so that I wouldn’t judge other brothers too harshly. He explained that his life
was made up of a wife, children, job, elderly parents, being an elder and hunting.
We had none of these things in common. Its easier to make friends with people when
we have such things in common. Its just human nature.” In the following months,
he invited me in service, gave me parts at the kingdom hall, talked with me
after the meetings, etc. I always respected him for that. Yet, I understood
that it didn’t come easy for him. He made the effort as he was an elder, it was
his “responsibility”. Still, should such expectations apply to everyone in a
congregation? Of course not!
Articles
like these teach that having faith in common is sufficient for a great friendship.
While this might be true for very active members, it will not be the
case for most rank and files. Additional shared experiences and interests are
needed and people will not become great friends simply because they believe in
the same God. You can’t force friendship no more than you can force love and articles
such as these don’t seem to set proper expectations.
Hence,
in the picture seen above, the elderly brother should not look at the kids thinking:
“They’re ignoring me”. He needs to think of what else he can do to have their
attention; outside of “spiritual” stuff. Does he have a pool? A chalet? Can he
run errands with a car? Does he offer any jobs? Does he offer his house as a
place for service and offer coffee when they come in? Does he play chess? Does
he have a cool basement with a big tv and mini bar? Does he know a lot about forestry?
History? Science? Anything they don’t normally read about in the Watchtower and
Awake? People need to understand that they need more than their faith to
attract attention.
Ok,
sure, the kids could go and great him, but that will generally be a somewhat
forced and phony experience for all the reasons I mentioned above. Is this
really any better than not saying hi at all?