raised. still in.
i would be happy with my jw life... if it wouldnt include lying just that noone of my friends and relatives gets suspicious. i live for today actually. if i would live for tomorrow i couldnt stand it.
i dont believe it anymore at all but ppl try to plant guilt in me for going only 2h and like 3times a month to the hall.
even though i dont feel really suicidal (but i felt suicidal before when i broke out of the JW egg) now i sometimes have a down when thinking about it all. i sometimes feel like i wont broke out until i die. and this is hard.
its my friends, wife, my wifes parents, my parents, my brothers, everyone.
in that case i sometimes think "suicide would solve it all". but i also see some light at the end of the tunnel.
some (jw-)friends of mine are weak in faith, so i may get real friends soon. and i gain slowly more and more strength. im multiple times stronger as i was like 2 years ago. its advancing, ill succeed. i dont wanna sound showy, but i think im a attractive (more or less ;)), life loving guy with his best years still to come. i shouldnt give up, ill succeed. jw teaching was just very destructive in my brain. it takes time to repair.