Posts by freeme

4

Could someone point me to the links discussing the shorter sunday meetings?

by Check_Your_Premises in

jw
friends

sorry, i looked around and didn't see any

I am stuck in a life I don't want and can't see the way out

by Orgull in

some of you have encouraged me already in the week or so i've been here and i think you.. here's the situation.

i am single.

i am 34 years old.

freeme

I am not ready to walk away from my family and my few meager friends and I am not ready to re-enter the full-time work force. But I cannot keep living the lie. I had to give a talk on Tuesday. It was horrible. I didn't pray. I didn't believe what I was saying. Yet everyone loved it. Just more evidence that "God's spirit" was not at truly at work there.

same here, buddy. the last talk i gave i felt exactly the same. no prayer, not believed one word i said. it was unlogical BS i was talking. i just was rewriting some stupid text in some literature into a manuscript. when i wrote it i searched evidence to make it believable but i found nothing. only circular reasoning. gave the talk in jw mode. everyone was happy. "i felt the zeal in your talk". it would be funny if it wasnt so sad.

i dont really wanna know HOW MANY of us are in all those "happy" congregations. just being jws because of the pressure and fear. living a lie. i bet the congregations are full of them.

gods chosen people? ya, whatever...

freeme

61

showed wife the new km article. bad decision.

by freeme in

hey guys.. sometimes im really next to crying (better: im crying).

no answer.

" no answer.

freeme

hey still_in74!!

you know what? your post is great. im so glad that i posted my story. i hesitated a lil bit before... its a soul strip in front of strangers somehow (even though its anonymous). but it helps a lot! way more than i thought it will! you can pm me anytime too, buddy! when i was writing this i was deeply depressed. i feel much better today.

OMG !!!!!!! Was that the one on "Evidence why gods kingdom is a reality"??? I HAD THAT TALK!!! Was that the one???
If it is then I am totally going to freak out cause it will mean we are in the Matrix and the program has screwed up and created the same fake life for 2 different people!

haha!! :-) i can calm you down! it wasnt the same talk. according to my ministry school book i had the talk on 18 July 07 ... Seems like 2 weeks to me? can it be different in different countries? possibly because of the district convention we had in july?! it was about "Who is baptized with holy ghost?"

pfewwww... the matrix is still intact :-)))

freeme

edit:
its still a little bit scary dont you think?
same life situation, nearly the same talk, even our simpsons avatars are very similar. as a fact i created another avatar some time ago which featured the very same hair like yours! haha :D lol

61

showed wife the new km article. bad decision.

by freeme in

hey guys.. sometimes im really next to crying (better: im crying).

no answer.

" no answer.

freeme

Please be very careful here. This would be an opportune time for the elders to ask one of those sticky questions. "Do you believe the FDS?" stuff and "Is there anything that would keep you from accepting an appointment to MS? Any questions on your part will tip them to your apostate thinking. If they have spoken to your wife and if she has said anything that could be harmful to you, anything you say that contradicts her could also be damaging. They have no qualms pitting wife against husband for the sake of keeping the congregation clean.

yes, thanks for the warning. it would be real surprise to me if they could speak with my wife without my knowledge. she would tell me 100%. im sure. whenever i had a visit before i smiled, told them what they want to hear and wait until they leave. i never told them anything personal (in that case i was rebellious my whole life). of course the questions they ask may be harder then last time.

you know what? its really hard for me to answer the first question. i think i couldnt state "yes, i believe in the fds" - it feels dirty to say that. i more likely would say, i believe in god/jesus... but that of course could give them a clue. i hope they dont ask something like this. both elders that want to visit me are very shy ones. i think they fear such questions. The appointment question would be easy to answer. I could say that i dont feel like accepting such things since i feel like i need to do more before :D haha.

i expect more something like they could tell me that really need a MS and trying to give me strength to regain my old strength. maybe asking how they can help me or asking if they can go into service with me (puke... how to answer this one. its kinda forbidden to say "no" lol if you say generally "no" its apostate thinking 100% what means i have to say yes and go at least one time with the elder into ministry. lets hope he is as lazy as most elders when it comes to service).

freeme

40

Again I say!! WE HAVE THE TRUTH!

by smellsgood in

jw
friends

the true church!

* "the only true and living church upon the face of the whole earth" (doctrine and covenants, 1:30).

or the church must be true because it has had a good influence on your family.

freeme

seriously... i enjoyed reading this :)

smellsgood seems to be someone special.

but sg... you know that in all your posts in all that huge amount of text wasnt any real evidence? i made a summary of your posts: "my religion is the truth because its truth" uhmm... okay you can add "and others say so too!!". for me as coming from JW background i felt the very same as you do about my religion. in the case of mormons for me it seems to be so clear. since mr. smith added something to the bible in some way it cant be the truth. jesus himself warned his followers of ppl like mr. smith. why keep discussing further on? if you take the bible as gods word the mormons cant have the truth. plain simple.

but thats ONLY my view of things. you can have another, smellsgood. and you probably will change your opinion in your life a lot on those topics. you seem to be an intelligent person. keep that up! you'll go your way.

your avatar pic is great :) i love gwen, yay!

have a nice day smellsgood.

edit: lol :D shes awesome :) hahahaha i did read that last post too late :D

61

showed wife the new km article. bad decision.

by freeme in

hey guys.. sometimes im really next to crying (better: im crying).

no answer.

" no answer.

freeme

again! im overwhelmed! ive read all your posts and they show much experience and wonderful advise. THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN!

i think the first thing to do is to keep that stuff low for some longer time. maybe ive planted a seed, maybe not. maybe i shouldnt care too much about that. i feel the same urge to tell her the things ive learned and discovered like i felt when i was a good dubby and told it ppl in service (mmh... maybe this one is even stronger...). but it doesnt work that way. i have to rethink that.

one thing i thought the whole night about is that shes literally not me. shes not that logical, sceptical person i am. i always was that way. even when i was a zealous dub. its easy for others to make me listen to their arguments. its a principle of me. i like thinking out-of-the-box. it scared my mother when i was like 10 years old. i told her once that we "cant determine whether the world we see really exist. maybe this chair isnt existing" :D she never understood it :D i told her that the chance that the chair really does not exist is very very low in my opinion but that we just cant know 100%. "but i can see it! its there!". haha :) my mum! at least my wife knows what i mean with that since matrix the movie :) what i mean with all that is that my wife is a very emotional person... even for a woman. i cant get through to her with my logic. it just not her way of thinking. i knew that before but didnt want to listen to myself...

about that professional help i could seek... yeah i thought about that too. maybe ill go for that soon. next time i visit my doctor i may ask him what he can recommend me to do.

@jgnat

im very impressed by your post, jgnat! every word of it is so true. yes, i know her reply before i ask her something critical about the org. my jw mind is intact. i can defense the org myself before others if have to. just like she does. and i can see her real self in many things in daily life. shes still the same person i fell in love with. but theres also that other side you describe. and everytime i only scratch on a religious topic her real character makes place for her jw side.

the funny thing is that in many things she more unchristian than me. believe it or not:
- she has non-believing friends, i dont
- she gets angry about human error in the local congregation, for me that never was a problem
- she also missing meetings
- she does fewer service than i do
- she studies fewer than i do

she only attends more meetings than me. but theres a difference. she feels bad about it. she wants doing more (she blames me for not pushing her - bad husband!) its different for me. i wouldnt have a problem not to attend any meeting nor going to service anymore... but i do it because i cant bear the pressure atm. im doing it for humans.

btw: 2 weeks ago i had a #4 talk and since im a communicative person i never had a problem with that stuff. what happened? everyone was happy about my wonderful talk and i the elders want a visit with me. my cong desperately needs a new MS and in the past i did many privileges and nearly was appointed. i guess they think they can reactivate me. for my own surprise i said yes to the visit. (before i told them twice that i dont want it... THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I SAID "NO" TO ANYTHING LIKE THAT!) i guess it will be a visit like other before. elders talk, i say almost nothing... because when i would say something the chances are that i say something wrong...

have a nice day all of you!
freeme

61

showed wife the new km article. bad decision.

by freeme in

hey guys.. sometimes im really next to crying (better: im crying).

no answer.

" no answer.

freeme

No. Loyal. Just like you probably were not so long ago. You are attacking her beliefs. Back down.

yes, youre right. even though i really tried not to attack her believes directly (and failed in the end - stupid me) but to ask question that may start her thinking. on one hand i understand her perfectly... on the other hand i cant understand her acting at all... i guess you know what i mean, do you?

For now, concentrate on things you do have in common. Try to go places like parks and theatres, and find common ground. Have dinner in restaurants. Talk about other things. Fade slowly.......and be patient. Things may change.

to be honest she came up with that divorce thing once (that is what makes me scared). she literally said to me that the love to jehovah and his organization is the most important part of our marriage. if that breaks its like a "spiritual divorce" to her... she asked me what we have in common when we dont have the same religion anymore. i told her a couple of things but she argued that all those dont count anymore then. i know that her words were spoken in anger and she loves me but it hurts incredibly. i cannot be sure like i used to be before.

we speak about that "forbidden topic" like one time per month. like everytime i cant hold it anymore. in most cases i regret it, because the time between these sessions we both suppress that topic and it feels good again.

maybe i really should stop to talk with her about it at all... its hard to hold that all in... but it doesnt help to talk with her about it either... bah :/

thank you for your reply, Quandry!

61

showed wife the new km article. bad decision.

by freeme in

hey guys.. sometimes im really next to crying (better: im crying).

no answer.

" no answer.

freeme

***Mary***

thank you very much. thats very interesting! and it perfectly explains my wifes behaviour. she would kill me where i stand when i would mention that article (lol!), but it a helps a lot to understand her better... she really fought for her life today... and she did it always when the topic came up...

and to be honest. when i started to question my own believe i fought with myself in a similar way... im lucky... the fight inside my own brain is almost gone... in the past on one occasion in the hotelroom after DC'06 i felt like going insane of that fight. 20 year old believes vs. real evidence... and the believes had guilt and fear on their side...

to be honest my situation now is peanuts against that night...

61

showed wife the new km article. bad decision.

by freeme in

hey guys.. sometimes im really next to crying (better: im crying).

no answer.

" no answer.

freeme

im impressed by the huge response i receive!

THANK YOU!!!

i mean i knew it... but it feels good to hear it again: im not alone with that stuff :) so good!

61

showed wife the new km article. bad decision.

by freeme in

hey guys.. sometimes im really next to crying (better: im crying).

no answer.

" no answer.

freeme

First of all, suicide is not an option, and don't say that word unless you want us (JWD'rs) tracking you down and banging on your door

wheee. im scared now :-) okay, i promise that i wont do it :P its scary to me too. but, yes, i played through that scenario in my mind. i hope i wont get arrested for that :P