Brent said:
"So I am stuck with holding down the fort which is like giving a chainsaw to a termite."
I'm loving that line, I sooo feel that way most of the time.
With the work schedules the way they are, I have:
Breakfast duty, lunchmaker (no tacky light blue dress, hairnet or supporthose, though), lunch monitor ("Why did you only eat your applesauce, cheesypoofs and juicebox? No don't throw away your sandwich, I'll eat it."), parent-teacher conferencer ("She climbed into her what? Locker? For an hour? Okay. Where is the principals office again?") after school busdriver, homework monitor ("The assignment says make 4 'O's' those are 'X's.' And why did you make them in permanent marker? That's MY sharpie! Leave the cat alone, she's SUPPOSED to be white! Put down my sharpie! Oh man, look at your hands....Oh no, not your white uniform shirt too! I KNOW you're supposed to change into play clothes when you get home....) afterschool snackmaker ("It's a sliced apple with peanutbutter on it. You could have told me to peel the apple first before I put the peanutbutter on...Here...NOT IN YOUR HAIR...I don't care that peanutbutter is supposed to get gum out of hair! Wait, who GAVE you gum?"), laundrydude ("Gimme that shirt, <under breath, "Spray and wash my @$$"> Don't tip over the detergent, I haven't put the cap back....It's okay I'm doing towels anyway, I'll just soak it up. No the carpet isn't 'prettier' with the blue color on it. Let me wash that off your hands...LEAVE the cat alone, she doesn't need you to wash off the marker"), Dinner chef ("No chickens don't have fingers, I just called them that. They're the same as nuggets and you eat those, don't you? No I didn't cut the fingers off the chicken. They NEVER had fingers. Don't make that face when you eat. Close your mouth when you chew. Don't use your fingers in your macaroni and cheese, DON'T TOUCH YOUR HAIR. You have a napkin wipe your hands, DON'T PUT YOUR NAPKIN IN YOUR MILK! It's okay, it's just milk. Haven't you heard 'don't cry over spilled...' DON'T PUSH THE MILK OFF THE TABLE THE CAT DOESN'T WANT ANY. Yes, the cat IS drinking it but that doesn't mean you should have... NO! You can't have a 'prize' with your 'happy meal' Do I look like a clown a red nose and big shoes? Yes, my face IS red!") Gymnastics assistant coach ("Honey wait for the other girls to finish their sommesault before you start yours...Yes ma'am my daughter kicked yours in the head. I'm sorry, say you're sorry, STOP laughing it isn't funny. Yes ma'am that looks like a bruise")
I have to stop before the 'girls' catch me, they're home from shopping.
Chris