after hearing all about my life and experiences as a jw, my non-jw spouse was curious.
that is how she found this site and how i found it.
the doctrinal crap really pisses her off, especially because of what it does to families.. i did have a family member who was molested many years ago but do not know the details nor the outcome.
LOL. No wonder JWs demonize apostates. Sites like this are competition for information.
So do the nondubs of the group think we are all still letting the WTS control us, because of our interest in sites like this, or addiction to post readings, or similar? Are we really free if spending that much time in counter activities?
samiam2b
after hearing all about my life and experiences as a jw, my non-jw spouse was curious.
that is how she found this site and how i found it.
the doctrinal crap really pisses her off, especially because of what it does to families.. i did have a family member who was molested many years ago but do not know the details nor the outcome.
After hearing all about my life and experiences as a JW, my non-JW spouse was curious. That is how she found this site and how I found it. The doctrinal crap really pisses her off, especially because of what it does to families.
I did have a family member who was molested many years ago but do not know the details nor the outcome. I do have a family member who had a childhood full of major heart surgeries, without blood transfusions. My childhood was spent in as strict of a maternal household as you could imagine.
Those things made me who I am today and who my wife has to live with. ;-) She has never read any of the literature, not even the bible story book given to her for our child. She has been on a bethel tour though but never to a meeting. She has not even ever met a witness other than my family. BTW, we both find many of you to be absolutely hilarious!
What kinds of things do your partners/spouses say about your past and the cult?
-samiam2b
just curious as to what difficulties have faced people dating as an ex jw.
myself, i have noticed the glazed over look in a guy's eyes when you try to explain why your family doesn't celebrate the holidays with you etc.
new to this board, so if this has been well covered before, please forgive me.
Uh yes I did. A couple of very good "worldly" female friends took pity on me and took me under their wings and decided to teach me how to date. (no-they were really JUST friends)
They had to teach me how to talk to a date, what to do, where to go, who pays, who does what... all that. I was the biggest dork apparently... but had been married to a dub for over 10 years starting when I was 18.
I made some mistakes right out of the gate but found the internet date matching sites to be particularly helpful. There are plenty of psycho chicks on those but also lots of normal nice women. After you wink (or whatever its called) at enough hotties who don't reply and figure it out... After I told enough of them about the whole JW thing and never heard from them again, I figured it out... slow learner.
I met my wife online and the rest is history. I'll start another topic on that issue to avoid hijacking this thread!
samiam2b
on an earlier thread about ice cream i remembered a snack that was sold at assemblies and that started me thinking about some of my memories of childhood at conventions/assemblies.
i guess it was the taste/smell association because even today when i go to various convention halls for home improvement expos, car shows and the like it takes me right back to the past.
i have many memories wrapped around the conventions and experienced different things because i have lots of elders in the family that were used, literally, for food service, the accounting office, security and dramas.
As a boy with a non-JW divorced father I followed all the brothers around. I used to like working in the kitchen (late 70's) because I could miss most of the morning session and felt important when the cooking crew was dismissed for the afternoon. Later, it was the parking lot thing that was even better. You could go outside when the convention really was dragging on. Also found the sound department where you could focus on something other than the talks and first aid where you were hidden somewhere and always had a distraction.
They have me a CA talk when I was 11 years old and I spent five months working on and writing that talk. Last weekend I threw out the tie I wore that day but I remember my mom having to save up to buy the special suit that I wore.
District Conventions were all about the girls. Sit with your friends and scan the audience looking for the hotties, so you knew where they were sitting. If you brought binoculars than you might be a perv. ;-). Walking around the dome at lunch and during songs, occasionally changing directions to make sure you didn't miss any potential hotties... those were the days.
Lots of memories - most of them being miserable.
samiam2b
i must say that i haven't had an internal struggle with myself before as i've had in recent months.
i'm learning so much about myself....about the kind of person i truly am, more about my flaws, my weaknesses, my strengths, the person i want to be, etc.
i'm learning more and more about having a more realistic view of dealing with life.
I can really relate. Even before I left (as I realize now), this journey started for me. Like another reply mentioned, I too bought the book Please Understand Me and then the sequel Please Understand Me II. I was searching for myself, feeling lost like I was missing something and wanted to better understand who I was, what I stood for, even what I thought about... anything/everything. I even had an elder and his wife do the test, at the time for entertainment purposes - perhaps to validate the benefit of self awareness.
Think about what I said for a moment... "I wanted to know what I thought about... anything/everything".
For so many years I had been told what to think and how to think that I was not an individual. Trying to mold myself after what everyone else that I knew had told me that I should be. Watching a close friend, who had been an elder, a pioneer, had even been imprisoned for not going to Vietnam- as he struggled to figure out why they wouldn't make him an elder even though he was doing all the right things. I did not want to spend 30 years doing that, being that, thinking that. I wanted to be happy and as a JW I was not happy. It was fundamentally because of being a JW that I was not happy.
After leaving, my now wife, had to break the mind control. She asked me what I thought about many different topics. Usually I had to think about it before I could answer, so that the answers would be my own and not just regurgitated concepts. We discussed the meaning of life, politics, relationships, evolution/creation, eduation, religion, and all those types of topics. She guided me through this transition as we learned about each other, like most other happy couples, although for me I was also learning about myself.
Don't misunderstand... she and I have very different viewpoints on certain things, while some of my opinions are more conservative than hers (is that a long term effect of ultra-conservative religous upbringing?) I know them to be my own and for the most part fell that they are no longer influenced by the JWs. I say for the most part because the one topic that I cannot reconcile is one that many here have already or never had to struggle with.
Is there a god? Is the bible really a book from god? Is there a true religion? Were we created or did we evolve? Does one need some kind of religion in order to be "saved"? For many this is a religous position but for me I am not sure yet. It has taken years for me to heal the other aspects of me and I do not yet feel that I can deal with this topic and be unbiased or not be effected in some way from my upbringing. I am irritated by that fact, as it feels that I am still under some sort of JW spell but its also a topic that I am not forced to face to live a "normal" and peaceful existence.
It is ironic, to me, that the ultra-theologic religion of JWs has itself left me unable to support or defend the existence of a god or the sanctity of the bible.
I wish you much happiness through your journey, think of it as a learning time. Learn about yourself and how you fit in with everyone else on this planet. Be yourself and above all be happy. If there is a god, surely he/she would not ask you to be unhappy in order to prove your allegiance.
Cheers
samiam2b
back in my dub days, i used to make copies of all the old recorded talks i could get my hands on.
in the process i was surprised to come across several talks in which the "faithful slave" tried to make the case that all the scriptures talking about the "heart" were not figurative, but referred to one's literal heart--the organ itself!
as i recall, they even incorporated some pseudo-scientific quotes as "proof" that the heart could effect your thoughts and motivations.
Well I work in the "heart business". It is true that the heart is connected to the brain, that connection is called the vagus nerve. The brain also emits hormones that affect the heart (epinephrine, norepinephrine, dopamine, etc). That is not a mystery...
I have seen people pass out at church, at funerals, or other emotional moments because their brain became so overwhelmed with the emotions that it slowed down the heart to the point of them losing consciousness. This is also known as a vagal reaction... which comes from the vagus nerve. You can duplicate it yourself, although I wouldn't recommend it, by rubbing your neck along your carotid artery or by applying direct pressure to your eyeballs. Its true...
Cheers
samiam2b
the following is a page out of an application for bethel service.
notice line 21 under morals/sexual molestation.... http://i99.photobucket.com/albums/l311/photob_014/bethelapp.jpg.
A few questions:
1. Why do they have to ask an applicant about these things, shouldn't they already "know"? (divine direction/appointment and service records)
2. Do they also have a signatory page where you give them power of attorney or the right to share your confidential information? Is it not discriminatory if you do not know who can access your personal information?
3. Asking about physical health issues is basic risk management. Asking about one's personal relationship or standing with god is not, or is it?
3a. Is an admitted molestor a risk for bethel?
3b. Is a rap music listener a risk for bethel? Is it the music or is it the lyrics? What if you don't "listen" but only watch rap music videos. ;-)
3c. Does someone with mental health "issues" pose a risk?
4. Why not ask someone: if they had access and opportunity - would they listen to rap, watch porn, or molest? Why is it only based on whether they have already done it?
Cheers
samiam2b
-- Linda Bowles. The Ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
while on vacation, we drove through amarillo.
the smell of cattle was everywhere.
for the citizens of amarillo, texas, that is the smell of money.. in my town, we have the nearby paper mill, weyerhaeuser.
Let's hear it for the "Tacoma Aroma"!
the subject line got your attention, huh!
this site generates money with google ads as you know.
i clicked on one which took us to the jw dating website.
Thank you IP_SEC and sorry for the ugliness. I'll watch out in FF next time...
the subject line got your attention, huh!
this site generates money with google ads as you know.
i clicked on one which took us to the jw dating website.
The subject line got your attention, huh! This site generates money with google ads as you know. I clicked on one which took us to the JW dating website. Curiosity still fully engaged I clicked search. Scrolled down and found this: http://www.jwconnections.com/cgi-bin/WebObjects/JWDate.woa/wo/1.0.8.3.0.12.0.2.13?34,8 (look below for the dating profile). Do you think these folks are seriously using this site as real JWs? This guy has a photo showing a little goatee growth, so maybe it is only the weak ones? Profile ChiGuy Brother, 46, Divorced Illinois, United States Personal Eye Color: Brown Hair Color: Dark Brown Height: 6' 1" Body Type: Fit Race: Caucasian Marital Status: Divorced Has Children: Yes, at home. Wants Children: Yes Occupation: Financial services Education: High School Languages: English (Fluent), Spanish (Some) My Favorite Scripture 1 Corinthians 13 Introduction Hi... I'm Steve. I'm an active, very young at heart, father of two who's lookin for what i'm sure everyone on the site is lookin for.... a compatible, attractive person, to be my best friend, companion, and share my love and life with. Will I find that here? Who knows... But I'm always open to possibilities and opportunities... : ) UPDATE!! - For all those searching and wondering if it's possible to find love online, i'm here to tell you, YES!! On October 1st, 2005, I married a sister I met online. Bottom line, it's incredible. I can't put into words how nice it is to have a loving partner - one who loves Jehovah. The only advice i'll give... (after going thru all this) Be BRUTALLY honest about who you are and how you are. If both parties do this upfront, it drasticly lessens the learning curve once you get together. Update #2 - Even in Jah's Org, nothing's perfect and things go wrong... : ( The women/sister I described above, the one I still love very deeply, decided she no longer wanted to be married. We divorced legally 06/07, but unscriptural before Jah as no immorality/adultry was involved. I'm shattered and lost, and trying to recover from it all, and now unfree to re-marry. I pray she reconsiders her decision, and ask for your prayers of support in the matter as well. Anyone else going/gone thru this? Feel free to write me and help me cope w/this... All About Me Tough to describe myself in this box... I'm unique, like no one you've ever known. I'm active and very young at heart, (some mistake this for immature? lol) funny, witty, passionate, romantic, and definitely, a bit of a rebel. I'm a great conversationalist, and I specialize in communicating and kissing. : ) Oh... And by the way? I WILL make you laugh. : ) I'm a pretty big guy, 6'1 and about 220lbs, with brown hair and eyes, and a pretty fit/athletic build. (34/36 in. waist/46 in. chest) You'll notice just a touch of gray in my hair, prob due to my 2 kids not listening. : ) BTW... The kids and I are a pkg. deal, as they do live w/me. I love to play and watch most sports. Some of my fav's are; sand volleyball, baseball/softball, football, and golf. I love the sun and beach, but enjoy skiing and winter activites as well. (snuggling in front of the fireplace with peppermint/butterscotch schnapps & hot chocolate and lots of kisses, is a fav too ) : ) I love to dance, and will sing in your ear. (if you let me) There's lots more too, but you'll have to contact me to find out... : ) Jehovah and His Organization I'm born and raised in the truth, so i've experienced both good and bad, and have had my share of challenges. The Org is imperfect, and run by imperfect people, but everyone (for the most part) has good intentions. It all comes down to a personal relationship w/Jah, doesn't it? I am conviced, there's nothing better, nor any place I'd rather be. I'm far from perfect, but try to be balanced. I'm consistant in meeting attendence, and have a good heart. My goal's simple... Stay active, faithful, and finish the race. I've learned, it's a marathon, not a sprint. : ) One last thing... I especially love how Jehovah WANTS to forgive, and does it immediately. Jehovah looks for the good/positive things in everyone. Hopefully, someday, man can/will grasp that concept... What I am looking for. Beauty? Passion? Laughter? Consistant, unconditional love? A 20 yr old? (Ha! JUST Kidding!) Seriously tho... Unfortunitely, I don't think I'll know til I see her. I'd appreciate if any sisters do respond to my profile, they have a pic on the site, or at least have one they can send by email. I don't mean to come off as shallow or mean or anything, but lets be real... Physical attraction is important. It's a part of what makes the connection. It's a big piece of the puzzle for me. I want/need to crave my mate, like wanting a tall, cold, glass of ice water, on a 100 degree day. Is that so wrong? Now, that being said, a pretty face isn't the only qualifying factor. Since i'm young at heart, (NOT immature, I promise, lol) i tend to be more attracted to youthful sisters, (age 30-40) rather than sisters who are older. Someone playful and flirty is right up my alley. Physically, i'm typically more attracted to petite, slim, or athletic women, rather than heavier ones. Height isn't as important to me tho, as size in proportion to shape/weight. From a personality/disposition standpoint... I'm lookin for someone who's funny and witty, (dry, sarcastic sense of humor) is able to make me laugh, and someone who can take all my teasing & jokes. Also, because i'm a very physical, "touchy feely" kinda guy, she'll need to be passionate, love to kiss, and be intimately uninhibited. Most importantly tho, she needs to have a loving, giving, romantic spirit. I wanna spoil someone rotten, but not feel like i'm bein taken advantage of, know what I mean? Does that make sense? I want back, all i give. In short... Make me smile, touch my heart, and you could own me. Does this describe you? If so... I'm waitin to hear from you.... : ) If not... Do you know who/where she is? Tell her i'm patiently waiting... : )
