MrsBee:
My husband is a DF’d Dub even though he still believes all the crap.
They're the worst kind. Like a puppy devoted to an uncaring and cruel master, they invite further abuse.
We have a discussion yesterday where I basically said I feel like I was bamboozled because I didn’t really have the option to choose. If I had the choice, knowing what I know (growing up around a lot of jw’s in my life) I wouldn’t make the choice to marry into the religion because I think its wacked, LOL . I love my husband but I think that his devotion to the Borg could definitely cause a wedge between us, and I think it has a little bit.
That's an important point and one worth reiterating until he gets it. He's the one changing here, not you.
Holidays – Why do we have to do things on a specific day? Why cant we just do them any other time. I celebrate our anniversary; I can’t just turn off what I know to be the truth.
Why not do them on a specific day? The best reason for doing them on a specific day is so that the occasion doesn't get forgotten or diluted. It's fine to say that you give presents all year round, or treat your spouse/mother/children well every day, but setting aside special days for people really makes them feel special (and contrary to what the Watchtower teaches, making people feel special is not a bad thing). The best thing about public holidays (especially Christmas) is that almost everybody gets off work, so it's one of the few times it's possible to get all the people you care about together. All these occasions help give us a sense of time passing and allow us to reevaluate our lives and relationships on an annual basis, which just giving presents or having parties on an ad hoc basis doesn't.
An alternative (or additional) tactic is to ask your husband why JWs celebrate the Memorial™ once a year, instead of "any other time" as is done in the majority of Christian churches.
Time Consumption of Meetings – 3 days a week, so you think that is too much to do to please God? (lol) He gives you life but you don’t want to give him a few days a week, it’s a privilege to do so. He is definitely going to go back and be reinstated, saying the reason he spreads out his attendance of the meetings is so that I can adjust .. uh huh
What could possibly please God about someone sitting listening to apocalyptic and administrative nonsense three times a week? If you want to please God, help the sick, the poor, the downtrodden. Go and work in a soup kitchen three times a week, not a Kingdom Hall.
Me not being interested in the dubs – You just don’t want to change your life, you like your life and you don’t want to make the changes to please God, you don’t read the bible to get a full understanding of what God expects of you. I cant force you and Im not gonna try, you should just come with me and see for yourself, im like Nooooo, LOL, been to plenty of meetings in my life, not interested.
Maybe consider taking him up on the offer as long as he's willing to discuss any questions you may have. Take notes at the meetings. Discuss them with elders and anyone who'll listen in front of your husband. Loudly decry the abusive shunning that he receives at their hands. Perhaps make them shun you as well while they're shunning him.
Ok, I can admit, Im sure I was rolling my eyes, I got irritated, he makes a comment like, you know me, do you think I would get involved something I haven’t researched?? Im like, you couldn’t have researched this religion thoroughly and make an educated decision to join.
Ask him what research he's done. Has he read Ray Franz's books for example? If he claims he has, ask him about a specific issue mentioned in them, see what he has to say about that. Make sure he understands that only listening to one side of the story is not doing thorough resaearch.
I am wrong because I think Im letting this affect the way I feel about him, Am I just being closed minded? Or realisitic that if/when he gets reinstated that it could be the demise of my marriage. Im sorry this is so long .. Im mad about it, LOL
It's not at all closed-minded to bot want a loved one to (re)join a cult. You should be mad about it, the same way he'd be mad if you decided to become a Scientologist. But remember, he's being told that you will try to persecute him because Satan is controlling you so tread carefully or you could push him further in that direction.
Hope some of these ideas help.
