Posts by erasescars

16

Definitions

by erasescars in

jw
friends

i am not, nor ever have been, a witness.

i have a very dear friend who is a former (actually still is technically, as i understand it) witness and who is trying to adjust to existence in the "world.

" i am here on this site to better understand the hell she has been subjected to all her life and the hell she is and will still go through on her journey.

I apologize for the delay responding. I met my former witness friend in a strange way...through business. We developed a deep and close relationship after a LOT of talking. I love this person as a friend and have worked hard to help her through her JW problem and other problems. She asked me a week ago Sunday, after praising me, if I would be happy if all we had were 5 good years together. I said that is not what I hope, but it would be better than never having tried. I also made assurances that day that I could handle certain circumstance we found ourselves in occasssionally even if she was not able to. The very next day she placed herself in my trust and I was not able to do what I said I could. She has since shut me completely out of her life asking me not to contact her in any way if I care for her mental and physical health and for her. She said she was not doing it out of anger at me, but at herself. I love her dearly and have done as asked even though it is killling me. I don't know if she will feel as she does for eternity or until tomorrow. I cannot express regret or or tell her how I suffer over this without breaking her request of me. It is killing me to lose first a dear friend and second a person I love. I am at a loss as to what to do.....I miss her terribly. I want to know how things are in her life. Is she happier, is she down, is she taking care of herself, has she met some of the goals she has set for herself, is anyone helping her with things or is she facing the world alone again? I am worried about her. Is she being harrasssed again by mother and family? Is she still bored to death? I can no longer offer her any kind of support as I used to try. Sometimes I think I helped, I was always one of 3 people she could confide in. She said I was the only one in her life who ever backed off and gave her space when she needed it. This is the ultimate back off. It is killing me....I only hope it is not hurting her.

Erasescars.

7

Fellow Worker - JW

by erasescars in

jw
friends

.

forget it...i didn't convey the concern well and it was completely misunderstood (with good reason).

edited by - erasescars on 2 july 2002 2:17:14edited by - erasescars on 2 july 2002 2:20:11.

erasescars

Beck_Melbourne:

I edited the initial posting because I did not convey the thought I meant to express and get comment on....not even close, actually. You, quite rightly, misunderstood what I was looking for thoughts on. You seem to have gotten the impression I am vindictive or dislike this man. Neither is the case at all. Part of the idea I was trying to express was that DO I like him very much and do respect him as a person and as a fellow worker.

I would like to drop the thread.

7

Fellow Worker - JW

by erasescars in

jw
friends

.

forget it...i didn't convey the concern well and it was completely misunderstood (with good reason).

edited by - erasescars on 2 july 2002 2:17:14edited by - erasescars on 2 july 2002 2:20:11.

erasescars

Beck_Melbourne:

Thank you, I FULLY agree with you. I DO treat the man with respect and dignity...always have. I hired him because I thought he was good. This man IS a good man in my eyes. If I didn't see the tracts everytime I walk into his area it would help keep it from the forefront of my mind. I haven't, and wouldn't, ask him to remove them. Nor do I intend to tell him not to use the printers or copiers for personal use, though I could. It is a common practice by most people occassionally. I didn't mean to leave the impression I am treating this man differently...I didn't mean to convey that.

Edited by - erasescars on 2 July 2002 2:25:23

7

Fellow Worker - JW

by erasescars in

jw
friends

.

forget it...i didn't convey the concern well and it was completely misunderstood (with good reason).

edited by - erasescars on 2 july 2002 2:17:14edited by - erasescars on 2 july 2002 2:20:11.

erasescars

Forget it...I didn't convey the concern well and it was completely misunderstood (with good reason).

Edited by - erasescars on 2 July 2002 2:17:14

Edited by - erasescars on 2 July 2002 2:20:11

15

Watchtower Society no longer contact? Why?

by GermanXJW in

jw
friends

i noticed that in september 2001 there was a change in the contact adress in the jw literature.. for example, awake!

september 8th, 2001 says on page 5: would you welcome more information?

write watch tower at the appropriate adress.

erasescars

I don't know anything about this except that this has always been my philosophy when they came to the my door:

Sure.... give me the literature, but I already have a church and don't choose to discuss it further. Each pamphlet cost them something and drained a TINY bit of resource so I could light a fire in my Chiminea, and someone more gullible wouldn't get it.

Same would be true if I was offered a free subscription (people don't pay for them do they?).....sure, mail that baby to me....First class preferrably.

16

Definitions

by erasescars in

jw
friends

i am not, nor ever have been, a witness.

i have a very dear friend who is a former (actually still is technically, as i understand it) witness and who is trying to adjust to existence in the "world.

" i am here on this site to better understand the hell she has been subjected to all her life and the hell she is and will still go through on her journey.

erasescars

Thank you Perfection Seeker, for your comments. I can see why a person such as you and my friend would always find comfort here. I can see the scars are sooooo deep for some that it would be a good place to visit often. I can imagine that one might want to pass on their experience and help to others who may just be asking or starting on their road to a free and better life. Kind of like waging war on the group.:-) My friend and I are going through some difficult times in our lives, but we both know we support one another so hopefully all will work out for us...it is very complex and difficult situation....almost want to talk about it here, there are so many helpful peole with insights that range all over the map. Wish there was a group like this for my problems.

I wish I had known 5 years ago about the LOTS of sex aspect when you leave Witnesses (LOL) :-)....I came on the scene too late to benefit from that much. :-( We have shared a few moments...they were wonderful and memorable, but too few.

I hope I am supportive of her, not just here but in all she endeavors....that is paramount to me.

Name reflects what I wish SO HARD more than anything I could do for my friend (well second most...if I could help her with child that would be first.)

All the people responding are GREAT and HELPFUL. THX.

erase scars

16

Definitions

by erasescars in

jw
friends

i am not, nor ever have been, a witness.

i have a very dear friend who is a former (actually still is technically, as i understand it) witness and who is trying to adjust to existence in the "world.

" i am here on this site to better understand the hell she has been subjected to all her life and the hell she is and will still go through on her journey.

erasescars

Perfection Seeker:

Thanks for your words. I will continue to occassionally visit the site in support of my friend and to learn as long as it is helpful....to her. Once she no longer visits I assume she will have been completely freed :-) and I will probably stop unless I can help someone else, which I doubt with my limited knowledge.

I resent the Witness belief that they are the only direct path to God and being with family in heaven. I am a Presbyterian, but am not so smug as to believe that a Lutheran or Baptist, or even a Witness doesn't have just as a direct a path to God in their own way. I can and do spend time with God daily in my life. I do not believe that there is a heaven in the sense that you see all your family and friends and there are streets of gold that you walk and life is perfect. I believe that your soul, not your physical body, is commended to God' hands if you profess your belief in Him. I believe that He uses that soul in His battle against evil in the world. I do not know how. If I am wrong, I am confident that xJW's will be in heaven right along with other good people who have professed there belief and faith in God through out the ages, Witness or not.

I am a believer, but I constantly find myself questiong my beliefs as I go on my life religious journey. The nice thing is that I can do that and not be an outcast or considered a pariah in my world. I can go to church for any number of reasons in another denomination and still feel good. I am with God regardless of whose place of worhship I am in. It is good.

Thnx for post,:-)

erase scars

16

Definitions

by erasescars in

jw
friends

i am not, nor ever have been, a witness.

i have a very dear friend who is a former (actually still is technically, as i understand it) witness and who is trying to adjust to existence in the "world.

" i am here on this site to better understand the hell she has been subjected to all her life and the hell she is and will still go through on her journey.

erasescars

Thank you to all who posted these excellent replies. This is truly an amazingly supportive group.

SPAZnik:

Your reply below rang a particular bell for me. My friend has been reading this site voraciously. My journey with her started in earnest some time ago when we finally got around to discussing her religion after months of avoiding it. I am SO glad she found this site. She gave me the site and told me to check it out. After I did she mentioned that she started to post one time and was inhibited because she knew I might see it and read it wrong. I DON'T want that and told her I would saty away from the site. Then she said no....read it because it would help me undersatnd JW's and her better. But I am still hestiatnt to go on and don't often, but when I do I almost feel like I am intruding. I want to help and be supportive, but can't like I would like for several reasons that I won't go into here. I help as I can and when she will let me. But I am very nervous about being here sometimes. When she asks if I have checked the site out I don't know whether to be there regularly and say yes, or to stay away so I can honestly say no.

Since you have that exact problem with your friend.....any additional thoughts?

"I too have a friend that wanted to
read this site in an attempt to better understand me and what i've been through.....i'm not ready for her to do that though...i still need the site
as a place i can "safely" vent and express freely...without feeling i have to constantly explain every last nuance of what i'm
experiencing/expressing. i told her i'd feel like she was sitting in on my "therapy" sessions. she respected that (to my knowledge) and
doesn't follow me around on here.Everyone is different though and at varying stages of "healing". It's great that you are being such a support
to someone and seeking to understand a complex situation. You sound heads up."

Thx again,
erase scars

16

Definitions

by erasescars in

jw
friends

i am not, nor ever have been, a witness.

i have a very dear friend who is a former (actually still is technically, as i understand it) witness and who is trying to adjust to existence in the "world.

" i am here on this site to better understand the hell she has been subjected to all her life and the hell she is and will still go through on her journey.

erasescars

I am not, nor ever have been, a Witness. I have a VERY dear friend who is a former (actually still is technically, as I understand it) Witness and who is trying to adjust to existence in the "world." I am here on this site to better understand the hell she has been subjected to all her life and the hell she is and will still go through on her journey. It is bad enough she experienced the brainwashing of the Witnesses as well as all the guilt and threats to her laid on her....she also was subjected to severe abuse at home by her parents. She means the world to me and I want to support and comfort her anyway I can.

I just want to understand a few terms better that I see used frequently. She explained that "cong" was the congregation, and the difference between "disassociation" and "disfellowship", but I want to understand what "borg" and "dubs" mean and their derivation. I am assuming that Witnesses=W's=dubs....is that correct? I do not know what "borg" means.

Here is her very good explanation, but I am an anal retentive engineer and want to be sure I understand the "borg" term she wasn't sure about. Here is what she told to me:

The term DUBS is a funny way to say JW- W's.
Borg- I am guessing people say organization- then say ORG- then someone made
a joke to BORG- but it does fit- and makes me laugh. Remember- I am just
new on the site too- so alot is new to me! :-)
Cong- means congregation- local congregation.
Disassociated- that is when you write a letter and say to remove your
membership- and noone contact you. They then cannot talk to you- because
you don't want them to- it is a BIG insult to them- and they would NOT talk
to you- it would be like defecting or something.
Disfellowshipped is when the congregation tells everyone you are
disfellowshipped- so they know you did something sinful & were NOT sorry- so
they are not allowed to talk to you.
They are both equal in terms of how people can deal with you- either label &
they can't talk to you or socialize or deal with you- it just depends- do
you want to be kicked out, or pull out? Same difference- just depends how
you want to handle it. Somehow they feel if you're disfellowshipped that
you might come around & repent- but to be disassociated- that is telling
them you want NO part of them or the religion- so they pretty much consider
you a lost cause.

Thanks to any veteran who knows the answer. This is a VERY fascinating and helpful site.

14

No honorable way out

by Perfection Seeker in

i am sitting here reading posts & trying to decide how to leave the organization.

i really left years ago- but three years ago got reinstated because my dad was dying of cancer- and needed to be around him.

(great reason, eh?

erasescars

Perfection Seeker....a commendable goal, but unrealsitic. But, you are absolutely to be admired and encouraged for seeking it. I believe that when you strive for perfection and settle for no less it will end up crashing down on you. At some point one has to weigh the cost of seeking the unattainable, perfection, against that which is reasonably acceptable in view of the circumstances.

So it is with your search for perfect escape. It is not going to be possible to find a perfect answer that contains all that you either need or desire. Instead, out of necessity for your mental and physical health and well being and your overall happiness, I would suggest you consider settling on a path that brings you the most peace. I suggest that in doing so you consider only your own well being, only your own future (not past) life. Consider what impact disassociation will have solely on you as you (and husband and children) go forward in life....not anyone else. It would not seem difficult to list the pro's and con's (even relative to individulas like your mother) in the context of different scenarios for your life...look at them, think about them, weigh them like you might a chess move relative to each factor you consider significant....then make your decision and go and don't look back. Don't worry about what you might have done different, your decision will have been carefully weighed and made and will be the very best you know how....perfect??...NO, but a VERY GOOD decision and as close to perfection as you are able to get. AS perfect as anyone could expect. And don't lose site that there is no dealine, there probably WILL be a tomorrow and if there isn't your decision not having been made won't matter, so take your time making the decision....there is no rush except as it affects your own health.