Posts by Dorktacular

28

Lame talk jokes

by IP_SEC in

jw
friends

i used to give this talk and one of the scriptchas was titus 2:3. aged women not be false accusers, not be given to a lot of wine.

i would make this stupid, stupid pun on the word wine/whine.. any lamer jokes you remember from talks, wotnot?

i appologise to womans everywhere for my lame joke at their expense..

My dad was the king of lame talk jokes. I'll not shock and bore you with all of them, but one of the worst is the joke about what kind of car Jehovah drove. In the book of Genisis, it says that God drove Adam and Eve out of the garden of Eden in his fury. (I'll have to explain it for anyone born after 1960..... The Plymouth Fury was a car back in the late '50s through the early '70s).

I knew right then that God couldn't exist, because if I were God, I'd drive a Plum Crazy 1971 Plymouth Barracuda convertible with a Hemi and a 4 speed, not a dorky Fury. Oh yeah, my second clue that God couldn't exist was the fact that my dad got to tell that joke. If I were God, I'd have given him a coughing fit or at least erased that terrible joke from his brain and replaced it with a better one.

3

Stuff "Speakin' in Tongues" Whose tongue is the bestest on da board?

by hamsterbait in

jw
friends

funky dereks definitely.

hb s second cause we has such diddy members.. aww saaahd.

any pictures??

Dorktacular

Eh?

42

What's the official stand on aliens

by Eh in

jw
friends

do the jw's officially have a stand on whether there is or can be intelligent physical life outside our planet?

would contact from or evidence of alien life fit in to what jw's believe and teach?

have they paved the way for the possibility that life may be found elsewhere in our solar system - intelligent or otherwise?

Dorktacular

Actually, my dad (who was an elder, so you KNOW everything he ever said was absolutely right) said that aliens were real but they are actually demons. He said if I ever got abducted that I should ask the aliens if they knew whe Jehovah was and they would bring me back. I think I would have taken it a step further. I would have given the aliens my watchtower presentation for the month. First, instead of probing my ass, they'd shove the probe in my mouth to shut me up. Second, they'd return me where they found me and go home, never to return because based on my presentation, they would deduce that planet Earth is devoid of intelligent life.

42

What's the official stand on aliens

by Eh in

jw
friends

do the jw's officially have a stand on whether there is or can be intelligent physical life outside our planet?

would contact from or evidence of alien life fit in to what jw's believe and teach?

have they paved the way for the possibility that life may be found elsewhere in our solar system - intelligent or otherwise?

Dorktacular

My wife's an alien, but she's applied for citizenship.

35

Observations about dubs as people...

by Princess Daisy Boo in

jw
friends

i was thinking back on some of the people i knew growing up, as well as my own family - many of whom are dubs... tell me what your own experiences are of these kind of people, did you notice a large prevalence of these types of people in the congs you attended:.

1. health nuts: into all sorts of alternative health theories like iridology, reflexology, homeopathy etc?

2. get rich quick folk: always getting involved in this scheme or that, this business or that - especially pyramid type things?.

Dorktacular

I think the same gullible personality that attracts people to the JW organization is the same gullible personality that falls for get rich quick schemes and quack medicine. I have heard and seen it all: Amway, Arbonne, Colliodal Silver, etc., etc. Man, if people would just invest that money in a good mutual fund, they'd do just fine.

12

Synopsis of the new Young People Ask sequel?

by Mickey mouse in

jw
friends

since the conventions have started now has anyone seen the new ypa book?.

thinking back the first one was released 20 years ago .

mickey..

Dorktacular

I'd like to be one of the writers for the new YPA book. The first page would read RUN! RUN NOW! RUN FAST! GET LAID!!!!

115

Self -Employed or Otherwise Gainfully Employed - Gas Prices Eating You Up?

by flipper in

jw
friends

last night at the gas pump i had a verbal , emotional outburst , swearing to no one in particular - just the gas pump , until i saw 2 guys at the island down from me - so i figured i'd let it rip !

frustration over these insanely rising gas prices finally took it's toll on even -keeled mr. flipper !

i started my rant , wanting these guys feedback , " what is it with these #ucking gas prices ?

Dorktacular

Flipper, I partly agree with you. Bush has the power to lobby congress to suspend some portion of the federal gasoline tax. His father did this in the early 90s which resulted in about 15 cent reduction per gallon of gas. I think this is the most reasonable and effective action that the President can take. The other option is to tap into the US's Strategic Oil Reserves. President Clinton did this several times during his presidency, which was a rare move. The limited releases or stored oil did very little to bring down the price of gas, but it was enough of a gesture to get him some credit. Given our current situation it might be an excellent short term solution to the problem, but that oil is really meant for dire emergencies, such as a natural disaster or war were to make it impossible to import oil. While the current situation is a great hardship for most Americans, we aren't suffering dire shortages; just dire prices. President Bush could release some of that oil to make himself look good toward the end of his last term, but again it wouldn't help very much.

I am neither Republican or Democrat, but I am a fiscal conservative. The Democrats always tout their desire to help the poor or the "less fortunate". (I hate the term "less fortunate" by the way). I think one of the best ways to help the poor right now is to lower or eliminate the federal taxes on gasoline. When somebody is only making $10.00 an hour, they'd have to spend 50% of their pay just to afford the gas to get back and forth to work. The Republicans always tout the idea of across-the-board tax cuts as a means to stimulate the economy, create jobs, etc., etc. If that is what they really believe, and they really have noticed what the fuel prices are doing to the economy, they, too, should lobby for the elimination of federal gasoline taxes. If the gasoline taxes were lowered slightly, it would help the economy greatly and the federal government would make up the difference due to increased consumption. It's simple economics.

I don't know why the government or the President in particular hasn't thought of or presented this idea. I'm not a conspiracy nut, but it kind of makes me wonder what the hell's going on. The first President Bush was smart enough and ballsy enough to make it happen when he was in charge; why doesn't the son follow suit? Maybe it's because the first President Bush worked so closely with President Ronald Reagan and learned a thing or two about taxes and the economy.

29

DC Seating

by RR in

jw
friends

okay, how many of you got to the convention site nice and early so that you could get the best seats on the house?.

having met in yankees stadium (difficult for me as i'm a mets fan) i always made sure i was in the shade.

hey someone had to come in early and make those watchtower hoagies (by the way, i never washed my hands).

Dorktacular

RR, I remember those miserable assemblies at Yankee Stadium. I am extremely fair-skinned, so to add to the already stifiling heat, I was always sunburned. Add heat exhaustion to burning pain, and you've got the makings of a very happy ex-JW.

115

Self -Employed or Otherwise Gainfully Employed - Gas Prices Eating You Up?

by flipper in

jw
friends

last night at the gas pump i had a verbal , emotional outburst , swearing to no one in particular - just the gas pump , until i saw 2 guys at the island down from me - so i figured i'd let it rip !

frustration over these insanely rising gas prices finally took it's toll on even -keeled mr. flipper !

i started my rant , wanting these guys feedback , " what is it with these #ucking gas prices ?

Dorktacular

PrimateDave, Amen! I think that too many people live on credit. The best personal defense against an impending economic downturn is to have as little debt as possible. Right now, besides the mortgage, our personal debt is around $4,000.00, which I believe is too much! I know people who have $30,000.00 in credit card debt alone. Too many people lived too fast with credit and now they're all paying the price. Foreclosures, bankruptcies and reposessions abound. And now the price of gas is killing off the rest of the debt-ridden. Most industry and businesses make up for the increased fuel costs; virtually everybody I do business with has added a "fuel surcharge" to their fees. The company that hauls off my garbage charges me more, the post office charges me more, the bottled water company charges me more, the grocery store charges me more, etc., etc. You know who doesn't get to charge more? Joe Six Pack. His paycheck stays the same, no matter what gas costs! In the end, it's the individual consumer that takes it up the butt without any vaseline. I wish I could add a fuel surcharge to my paycheck every week to offset my increased fuel costs associated with the commute to work. We spend about $600.00 a month just on gas at my house. We don't even want to drive to the grocery store! It sucks. I want gas to be $1.00 a gallon again. But, it probably ain't gonna happen, so I guess we're all screwed.

115

Self -Employed or Otherwise Gainfully Employed - Gas Prices Eating You Up?

by flipper in

jw
friends

last night at the gas pump i had a verbal , emotional outburst , swearing to no one in particular - just the gas pump , until i saw 2 guys at the island down from me - so i figured i'd let it rip !

frustration over these insanely rising gas prices finally took it's toll on even -keeled mr. flipper !

i started my rant , wanting these guys feedback , " what is it with these #ucking gas prices ?

Dorktacular

Why does everybody think George Bush has any damned thing to do with the price of gas? Ever hear of an organization named OPEC? How about the fact that China and India are starting to use just as much oil as we are, increasing demand and, therefore, prices? How about the fact that the US Dollar has steadily declined in value for quite some time, too. Hell, if the dollar were worth as much as it was last summer, we'd probably be paying close to the prices we paid last summer!

Oh, I seem to remember when Nancy Pulosi and The Democrats took over congress... Didn't they promise that one of the first things they were going to do was fix gas prices?? The gas prices have gone up 60% since they made that promise. The Democrats can't do any more about the price of gas than the Republicans can. This goes beyond politics-as-usual. The increased demand for oil isn't going to go away unless there's a MUCH bigger earthquake in China. We made China the monster that it is by buying all of our crap from them for years, so they had to build the industrial infrastructure to keep up with America's demand for cheap, disposable crap to buy at Wal-Mart.

Nobody wants to hear it, but we need to 1) Drill more oil wells. If China has no problem with drilling off the coast of Florida (They are doing this, folk. Research it), then neither should we. (2 Build more nuclear power plants to lessen the use of fossil fuels for the purposes of generating electricity. This accomplishes two things. First, we eliminate a lot of polution from our air and second, we have more gas, coal and oil for use in other areas as needed. 3) Build more refineries. They haven't built a new refinery since I was born! Hello.....! Idiots!!! Demand has gone up exponentially, but the production capability hasn't! Business 101, people! THIS IS A PROBLEM!!! 4) Make Detroit get off their fat asses and make an affordable, reliable hybrid that actually works for AMERICANS!! We can't cart our families around in a Prius! It doesn't work. We need hybrid vehicles that will accomodate the American lifestyle. We need to be able to go to work, the store, soccer practice, our bookie, therapist and drug dealer all in one day without having to stop and recharge.

I want to drive my 1967 Plymouth GTX to work every day at 6 miles per gallon. But, since the price of gas is too high, I drive my Toyota Corolla to work every day because it gets 38 miles to the gallon. Driving a Toyota is truly an emasculating experience, but it beats driving my truck or my other cars that have much bigger balls. Less consumption is only a short term solution, however. I'm using less gas; everybody I know is driving less, or at least not driving unless it's necessary, but the price of gas keeps going up. We need alternative fuels to solve the problem. Me? I'm going to start brewing Ethanol (moon shine) in the garage! I'll get a full tank and get tanked all at the same time. Hee Hee.