Whatistruth...I am extremely sorry you are stuck in such a quandry. I have got to the stage in life where I don't see the point in wasting my life on anything which doesn't improve my standard of life. Thanks to the WT Society, I have never put forth the effort in employment or education and now I find myself 30, unemployed with no hope of finding a decent job.
Between 1996-2000 were my strongest, most zealous (or what I'd like to now say "brainwashed") years in the org. I was a glutton for WT Propaganda. I got to the stage where I wouldn't watch any film with swearing or violence. My other passion however was football (or Soccer) as it was called in the US. On Sundays, the CO would organise matches with other congregations. Often these matches became overly competitive and often ended in near-violence. This is no joke, it was true.
To sum it up, one Sunday years ago we had a talk given at our hall by an Elder from a nearby congregation. It was all about the power of prayer and keeping a close relationship with Jehovah. He attended the Soccer match following the meeting and after becoming overly competitive and aggressive during the game looked at the sky and said with a smirk "I had better pray to Jehovah tonight for forgiveness for my behaviour". All the people (including Elders) were in earshot and all laughed with him. I remember thinking at this point (I was 10/11 years old) whether being a JW was serious or whether it was all a joke?
I think the difference between WT propaganda and application is another major issue which made my decision to leave. Brothers and Sisters would often comment how the talk/WT study on Sunday had moved them yet I saw little or no application at all. This again pointed towards that many JW's said one thing and did another. To quote the NWT : "Faith without works is dead".
I am just glad that I am not alone. I still believe in God and Jesus Christ and still put my faith in them. However, the WT Society have already been exposed that they are not God's representatives on earth.
Charles Taze Russell founder of the WT, links to the Satanic Bloodlines and Maisonry, false predictions, blasphemy, broken promises, colluding with the UN, a large mass hypocritical following who live double lives, destruction of the family unit, paedophilia, major changes in blood transfusion policies...I could go on for hours.
Would Jesus Christ affiliate himself with the above? That is why they are not Gods representatives.