Posts by Thedirtysecret

4

The conclusion a Non JW & JW Relationship ::Update::

by Thedirtysecret in

hey everyone,.

i thank you all for your advice and opinions and everything else you had to offer me in my time of need.

to be honest i was greatful to have read your words prior to the demise of my relationship with my, now ex-boyfriend.

Thedirtysecret

Hey everyone,

I thank you all for your advice and opinions and everything else you had to offer me in my time of need. To be honest I was greatful to have read your words prior to the demise of my relationship with my, now ex-boyfriend. When it came down to it, in the end, all of you were right; in that he didn't want to be with me becuase he finally realized I was not going to change my religion or change the up bringing my daughter to mirror or advocate his religion. It was such a painful and terrible conversation to have. Especially with someone, who's first conversation I remember having with them ever was about people should not wanting to change other people and they should love them for who they are. I point blank told him my daughter and I love him but he obviously didn't feel the same way if he was so eager to change us; meaning he didn't love us, not the way he was suppose to anyways.

I'm glad he told me eventually if not in the beginning because he could have waited even longer and my daughter could have been even MORE attached than she is now. I praise God she is 20 months and cannot speak well enough to voice her opinion on him walking out of her life and making it look as simple as her father made it look when she was born. Some men; some.... are just creeps, and I feel bad for them because it truly is their loss.

I know our relationship would have only gotten worse because at the end he said the real reason he decided he didn't want to be with me was because I did not ask his permission to go out with my girlfriends. I have a father and I promise I will never need another, and I am a mother of someone else, and I am not at a status in my life where I need to ask anyone permission to go anywhere or do anything with some friends, especially when I am not married and even if I was I do not see that stance changing to be honest.

Before I hung up, I took a strong stance and said this after he said he would call:

"Don't call me, Don't you ever call me. Pretend like you never knew who I was and lose my number and forget you ever knew me, because I wish I didn't know you, or ever met you. I'm sorry I ever gave you the privledge of getting to know me and my daughter only to hurt us and walk away. You know, you hate Jason so much and you always bad mouth him for what he did to me, and how he walked away from Jilyanna, but it's plain as day you're one in the same. It's so nice to see how it's so EASSSSSSY yet again for someone to walk right out of my daughters life like it is nothing to you... well kudos to you give yourself a pat on the back. I hope the next girl you date is a Jehovah's Witness so she never has to endure the things you just made me go through...

You don't care about me at all."

and as I hung up and spoke over him to say Bye, he said "that's not true"

and that was the end of it.

It took everything inside of me to do that and I am not lying when I say it hurts like hell to walk away from something your daughter as well as yourself put love, time, and commitment into.

I woke up this morning, threw all his things in a bag, and right into the garbage can.

Later this evening-- I am mailing him all the photos ever taken of us.

I never thought he would do this, never him, he was suppose to be the nice guy, and the honest truth is, I rather be cheated on, because I know that hurts less than this.

Again-- Thank you everyone for helping me in my time of need. It really means the world to me. I could have honestly been with him if he could have loved and accepted me for who I am and what I believe like I did him. But sometimes, you just feel a breath of relief when all is said and done. I'm a smart woman with an amazing head on my shoulders and I know I deserver someone who's dying to be with me, because I get asked out almost every week so it's not like I am at a dead end!

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU!!!

46

I need some serious informational help from EVERYONE!

by Thedirtysecret in

i am new here and i joined honestly to collect information to understand something a little better.

my boyfriend, well-now kinda boyfriend (were at a weird place) is a jehovah's witness and i am not.

he waited a little "far" into our relationship to tell me he was, which created a mess, honestly an emotional dyfunctional mess.

Thedirtysecret

So, as an update, I wanted to say that I spoke with him today and our conversation was in heavy regards to his religion. He was explaining to me about how we have too many differences and it causes us to fight a lot and what not, which is true, but to the extent of if he would have been upfront about his religion from the get-go I would have understood everything we have faught about thus far rather than thinking I was in a crazy relationship where I always felt like "the bad guy." He even we as far as to say he was leaving me right now, not because of me, but because of him and the struggles he goes through mentally knowing everything, and anything we do together, starting with being together, is wrong is accordance to his religion. Which goes back to the whole I sincerely believe he doesn't want to be apart of it anymore, except for the sake of not loosing his family. Because it has always been his religion and it didn't matter than, it didn't even matter a week ago, but something happened to him and all of a sudden, it matters. I know why too, and it's a sad thing.

I feel terrible because his ex-girlfriend said to him before they broke up, "No one will ever love you or want to be with you because of your religion."

That was so sad for me to hear him say, because 1. I don't believe it's true. (because I love him and I know what his religion is, and I still want to be with him) and 2. I think it's sad that a previous girlfriend can prevent him from having a new relationship that works.

I couldn't imagine someone saying that to me. Does some of the stuff you people have said freighten me? Without a freaking doubt, YES! But sometimes there's a reason for everything and maybe I'm his out, maybe not, hell, hopefully I am not his "in" lol how freightening is that? All I am trying to say is that I care for him very much, and I do want to be with him. If his religion was so defining of him, he would have told me from the beginning, but it's not. It's his belief and not mine, and I have my own and I respect his (as crazy) as they are.

But I guess in the end now, it doesn't matter anymore -- because It's over.

46

I need some serious informational help from EVERYONE!

by Thedirtysecret in

i am new here and i joined honestly to collect information to understand something a little better.

my boyfriend, well-now kinda boyfriend (were at a weird place) is a jehovah's witness and i am not.

he waited a little "far" into our relationship to tell me he was, which created a mess, honestly an emotional dyfunctional mess.

Thedirtysecret

So, I thank everyone for their advice.

It looks like we won't be "fixing" things between us, because he's out and out being a typical male a-hole. So, how can you talk things through when someone doesn't answer their phone. I guess when I said everything I said concering our relationship standing still and his religion I utterly offended him and I seriously hurt him. He told me I hurt him and I made him feel "absolutely terrible." I told him that he should have told me 1 or 2nd Date that he was Jehovah's Witness not 6 months into the relationship and I said that by waiting so long, he intentionally set me up to be hurt, because he knew it could not go any further than boy-friend and girl-friend and that I had felt lied to and betrayed. I wish he would own up to his half of this. Not everything was because I didn't choose my words wisely. Mostly, if not Majority.. he is accountable for taking responsibility for his actions. I remember even being out with him and my sister-in-law and I straight up asked him "Are you a Jehovahs Witness, because in your grandfather's obituary it said he was one?" and he flat out said "No" and denied it. That was a month into our relationship. I bring that up now and he was like well if I had told you the truth you would have never dated me and he's right, because than I would not have had to endure all this B.S. to be quite frank. Plus, now my kid is attached to a guy who is not going to be around. I hate how selfish he was in all of this. It honestly all could have been avoided. I wish I would just get over it and quit trying to persue it, especially after reading everything everyone has said, it is in my better interest to do so. I have to be honest though and say I am truly going to miss him.

46

I need some serious informational help from EVERYONE!

by Thedirtysecret in

i am new here and i joined honestly to collect information to understand something a little better.

my boyfriend, well-now kinda boyfriend (were at a weird place) is a jehovah's witness and i am not.

he waited a little "far" into our relationship to tell me he was, which created a mess, honestly an emotional dyfunctional mess.

Thedirtysecret

Is that thing about oral sex true? I am not trying to be funny but the man loves/begs for it and begs/loves to give it. So seriously, what's up with that? I mean I feel like everything he does is against his religion but he's so afraid his family will disown him that he lives that double life to keep them around.

It's all a little overwhelming for me.

46

I need some serious informational help from EVERYONE!

by Thedirtysecret in

i am new here and i joined honestly to collect information to understand something a little better.

my boyfriend, well-now kinda boyfriend (were at a weird place) is a jehovah's witness and i am not.

he waited a little "far" into our relationship to tell me he was, which created a mess, honestly an emotional dyfunctional mess.

Thedirtysecret

Hi! I am new here and I joined honestly to collect information to understand something a little better. My boyfriend, well-now kinda boyfriend (were at a weird place) is a Jehovah's Witness and I am not. He knows this. He waited a little "far" into our relationship to tell me he was, which created a mess, honestly an emotional dyfunctional mess. He was always a little shady from the beginning with tons of secrets no one understood and when this came out it explained everything but also tore a lot of things apart.

1. Is he allowed to be dating me?
2. Is he really never allowed to marry me unless I convert?
3. Will his faily disown him if they find out about me?

I ask these things because I don't want to be with someone I will forever "stand still" with. What I mean is, were boyfriend and girlfriend and none of his family know about me, and I am aware of this and at the same time am aware that he plans to never tell them about me either-- which okay, whatever I hate meeting parents anyways. I never honestly want to be married and I already have a kid from a previous relationship, so I really don't wanrt anymore, I'm good with one. What I am saying is, if we stayed together I would want to move in with him, but is that allowed? Don't get me wrong, if he asked, I would marry him. But... I will never, ever convert and he knows this.

Truth is, what were arguing about is "changing" and how neither of us are going to, but what he doesn't understand is that I do not want him to change. I love him for who he is religion included, before I knew he was a Jehovah's Witness I loved him, and that didn't change anything, so why wouldn't I still love him? He needs to realize that this is not about changing one of us. He's never asked me to convert I think he's just hoping I will "naturally want to on my own" because his family are serious religious fanaticals in their religion. I mean for goodness sakes his mom holds the "Studies" at their house-- which proves so right there.

It's weird. I have to wonder how commited he is to his religion based on the fact that
1. He did date me, when he knows he is not suppose to, and 2. He has slept with me

and 3. He's been with a NON-JW before.

I honestly believe he struggles between his religion and how he feels about me... I really do. I mean he leads a double life as far as his family is concerned when it comes to not knowing about me at all.

If you have any information and can post religious scripture to back it up and better explain it to me I would really appreciate it. I would really like to make this work with him. I know it's going to be so super-hard and I totally understand the long-haul involved... I just believe that love overcomes all obsticals.

First things First though... I kinda have to fix things with him because I kinda ripped him apart the other day for his religion... and I totally regret it. Wish me luck.