Hello all :/
Today I am at a loss. I am in the midst of writing my life story and though it so far has been extremely therapeutic it is also bringing out some demons. It is now really starting to affect my relationship with my GF. The frustrating thing, is that these demons and issues are not something that I can just brush off, regardless of whether I was writing my life story or not. In fact doing the writing that I am is giving everything structure and streamlining it in a way that is I feel enabling me to handle things better. So, in a sense, it does not feel like she is having issues with this book, what it means to me, how important it is for me etc. Instead it feels like she is having issues with my issues, and those issues being out in the open and my discussing them. And that truly makes me feel like shite.
I totally understand that seeing someone you love go through difficult times and carry a heavy emotional load, is not easy nor desireable. I know that it takes away from my stamina, and that affects our time together sometimes. But I have never let it stop me from supporting her, spending time with her, being a good companion.
As much as I would love to just snap my fingers and make everything go away that's just not a realistic option. I will fully admit that these demons bring out unpleasant things in me from time to time, but I certainly dont feel that it's a constant thing, nor do I feel like it's stopped me from functioning. All in all this whole process, up until last night when we hashed things out, has made me incredibly positive about life, love, my future, spirituality, therapy, recovery, etc. etc.
She told me that she has her own things and her own path and she can't always be worried and stressed about mine. I told her that I was never asking her to be stressed out or consumed by it, nor to feel uncomfortable with me talking about things, but simply that I want her to be a part of the positive changes and to share them with her. I told her that I think she should absolutely follow her own path, and that I want to be a part of and share in that, and at the end of the day we can come home and talk about the steps and great things we've done that day.
She admitted that she has been pushing me away with the whole thing. And I admitted that sometimes I'm letting the past take control when it shouldn't. So at least in that respect I felt like we finally communicating about the whole thing. But now I just feel like we're at a crossroads. She knew my past when we got together, and she was ok with it. Now that I'm making huge strides to grow, I feel like she's not happy or comfortable with that. I can't change my past, but I am trying to better my future. But if it's causing pain with my loved one, in the end will it hurt me more than it helps? Is this all for the best? Am I pushing too hard?
Pretty much right now I feel totally rejected, and it's a very similar feeling to the lonliness I went through way back when all this started with my lovely pedophile Elder of a grandfather...
Posts by feenx
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7My issues, including those related to JW past, affecting my relationship...
by feenx intoday i am at a loss.
i am in the midst of writing my life story and though it so far has been extremely therapeutic it is also bringing out some demons.
it is now really starting to affect my relationship with my gf.
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feenx
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feenx
5 years one month, booted.
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11
Discovery Chanel special on Freemasons
by feenx inhey everybody :)
did anybody happen to catch the discovery chanel special on saturday night about the freemasons?
it was pretty interesting.
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feenx
yes the symbolism was explained, however I don't remember the specifics off the top of my head. But yes you are correct, essentially each lodge is different and on their own, there is no central point or place of origin. No HQ directing everything. So some rituals and practices could be much different.
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Some things I have noticed since my husband has gone back to the KH
by GoodnessGracious inhe uses terms like: .
~ its okay if you dont recognize gods sovergnty .
~ its okay , you dont know better, if you knew what i knew then you wouldnt (celebrate xmas) lol .. i told him i knew what he knew, and its irrelevant, havent gotten to the fact they can play with pinatas because they dont mean the same thing they used to.
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feenx
I'm not quite sure what to say to all that, besides that I deeply empathize with you. It sounds like you are handling things quite well and letting him do what he feels he must. Was he DF'd or inactive, and now going back? Were you ever a JW?
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11
Discovery Chanel special on Freemasons
by feenx inhey everybody :)
did anybody happen to catch the discovery chanel special on saturday night about the freemasons?
it was pretty interesting.
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feenx
no, I certainly didn't it take it as the final word on Masons, but it was informative in a general sense, especially since there were masons on there talking openly about it, and then filming the initiation. Which is basically pretty simple. There's no rope involved, though the initiate is blindfolded. First he goes before the high master (or whatever they call him) who is sitting in a chair and dressed like an ancient priest in a fake beard. Then there's an exchange of words after which the initiate is led, still blindfolded, to the alter in the center of the room. There he is instructed to pray to the God of his choice, after which he rises and then he is lead back towards the high master, but is stopped by three men dressed in robes, each asking him the secret password, when the third one asks and the password is not revealed they then act out hitting him in the head and killing him which he then falls backwards and is caught in a blanket by the other members present. Then his blindfold is removed and he's given an apron, and congratulated by the other members. That's the whole thing.
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Discovery Chanel special on Freemasons
by feenx inhey everybody :)
did anybody happen to catch the discovery chanel special on saturday night about the freemasons?
it was pretty interesting.
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feenx
hey everybody :)
Did anybody happen to catch the Discovery Chanel special on Saturday night about the Freemasons? It was pretty interesting. They interviewed masons and were even allowed to film an initiation ceremony. They brought up all kinds of conspiracy theories about Masons, and at the end dispelled them. Fact from fiction. Given the bad rap they get and then people attributing Russell to being a mason I thought it was good information. -
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Tattoos
by LouBelle indid anyone go and get a tattoo after you left, either because you really wanted too or because you just wanted to rebel.. i got one done about a year afterwards.
it's a black widow: i've got another 3 lined up.. .
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feenx
I got my ink done within a month or two of getting the boot. The bio hazard sign in the middle was kind of symbolic, you know, apparently I'm dangerous material and bring death to all who associate with me. I've also got a couple more lined up. I had my eyebrow and tongue pierced. But the eyebrow had to come out because of work, and the tongue stud drove friggin crazy so I took it out.
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JW Literature References on psychotherapy (or WT CDROM source?)
by feenx ini am working on a project and wondering if anyone has specific references to policies or official viewpoints printed in society pubs about seeking psychotherapy.
i believe the current stance is that there isn't a problem with it, so long as the therapy and advise given/followed does not conflict with or interfere with bible principles or practices.
i seem to remember it being somewhat taboo still when i was younger, and that additional theocratic activity was always a good supplement to therpay, if not the best therapy.
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feenx
I agree with Bigmouth, that article does not have the usual stench of borg writing. I can't remember ever seeing any other article encouraging dubs to be on the lookout for symptoms and actually openly ENCOURAGE rather than being sure not to discourage someone from seeking help.
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JW Literature References on psychotherapy (or WT CDROM source?)
by feenx ini am working on a project and wondering if anyone has specific references to policies or official viewpoints printed in society pubs about seeking psychotherapy.
i believe the current stance is that there isn't a problem with it, so long as the therapy and advise given/followed does not conflict with or interfere with bible principles or practices.
i seem to remember it being somewhat taboo still when i was younger, and that additional theocratic activity was always a good supplement to therpay, if not the best therapy.
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feenx
Hello everybody!
I am working on a project and wondering if anyone has specific references to policies or official viewpoints printed in society pubs about seeking psychotherapy. I believe the current stance is that there isn't a problem with it, so long as the therapy and advise given/followed does not conflict with or interfere with BIble principles or practices. Was it always this way? I seem to remember it being somewhat taboo still when I was younger, and that additional theocratic activity was always a good supplement to therpay, if not the best therapy.
Or, does anyone know of a link to download the WT CDROM? Then I could look up my own references. I destroyed mine a while ago. -
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The Spirit World - where's the middle ground?
by feenx inhey everybody :)
after a post yesterday about dead loved ones returning in spirit form i started to think, from an ex jw standpoint, when it comes to the spirit world where is the middle ground?
perhaps some ex jw's don't believe in a spirit world anymore, perhaps some still do.
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feenx
What has been your experience after using the Ouija board?
