I found this place, purely by accident, and have been very amazed, at all of these touching, personal revelations, that many are sharing, here. I actually was doing a search, jus tryin to learn how Michael Jackson's appearance came to be so radically changed..(that's a whole nother topic, and i came away, feelin sorry for him, after all i read, but, another time ) and ran across this forum.
Im 41, was "raised" in the Truth, my mother and her whole side of our family are long time Witnesses, my father converted when I was around 4 years old. I grew up, not finding much joy in the imposed practices (no Little League, Boy Scouts, yall know the deal), but i did, during my adolescence, make a somewhat serious attempt at soul-searchin, and came very close to
gettin baptized. My grandfather, and grandmother, on my mother's side, were second, if not 3rd generation, Witnesses, and they had a very large, prolific family, I have about 28 or so, first cousins, just on that side. At the time,I almost got baptized,
looking back at it, it seems that in the immediately preceding years(69, 70, 71), several of my cousins had done so, as well as my older sister. It's in retrospect, that i realize, at least two of them,(cousins) were very fearfull of the draft, i remember being very concerned, about them, myself, at that time. But as these turbulent, confusing years went by, 3 of them got D'F'd, for actions like "loose conduct"..normal, teenage behavior, nothin really that terrible, but..it shook our whole extended family. My father was an overseer, and, he , if im not mistaken, sortof recused himself, or abstained, from voting, at these meetings, but i think he did sit in on them, some, if not all, trying to help. I can imagine the difficulty that posed, for him. My
grandfather, the one man i loved more than anyone else, in my life, was very hurt, and struggled with his faith, during these years, as well as later, because, he could not quit smokin, and they D' F'ed him, in a time of his life, when he didnt have much longer to live,...he and i were very close. But i always say, to anyone, that he is the one, that taught me what Jehovah is about, my grandfather taught me nothing but the beautiful side, of God, and His love. If it werent for him, i doubt i would have much faith. But....i been digressing, lemme get back to how i didnt get baptized......around 73, 74,.. i was really ponderin things, u know,..they told us the end was comin,..very soon..and, to me, that was a scary thing, for a 14 year old to contemplate..i felt like i had already, been livin with the Sword of Damocles hangin over my head, my whole, incomplete, young life. But its time, to search myself, and make a descision, aint got long, ya know ? So, I started tryin to prepare myself
by studying the pre-baptism book,..and gettin ready, and guess what my father did, in the few weeks, jus prior to the time we was gonna go to the assembly, and me get baptized ?....He sat me down, and read me a few scriptures, the main one being, where Solomon said.."it is better, not to make a vow, than to make one, and not keep it". He also told me, I needed to think about how old, Jesus was, when John baptized him....Then, he said,.."I aint gon tell ya what to do, jus make sure, because nobody is tryin to force you, to dedicate your life,..no one can, think about these things". Well, that's how i never did..My father never told me, that he was worried, I might get D'Fed, but somehow, after listenin to him, i knew, that what he had had to sit in on, and be a party to, with my cousins, troubled him, and made him very concerned, over my plans. I'm thankful, that he told me those things, because, they saved me from making a mistake, that would've only brought more pain and hurt, in our big family. After i decided not to get baptized, i jus figured, If i'm meant to die, let it happen...it aint nothin but sleep, no how. I also decided, well, i aint got long, and there's a few things i wanna try, before i die, like..sex, worldly friends..yall know the score. I left home, on the day i turned 17, I still attend the memorial, fairly regularly, and have a deep appreciation for most of what i was taught. But I've never been able to reconcile certain differences, and dont think i will, either. Theres a lot more, i could relay, but......maybe thats for later.....thats my story, and I enjoyed reading yall's, too.:)