I was out of the truth and in a relationship for 4 years. I didn't go to the meetings at all, my bf lived with me, and we celebrated holidays. I never stopped believing the truth. Finally when he proposed, everything hit me and I realized how much I did NOT want to be out of the truth. I didn't want a lifetime of arguments on how to raise the kids, etc. Three months later (no kidding) I was reinstated.
Anyway it felt great to be back! But finding a relationship was really hard! It was a small suburban area, not a big city at all. In the end, 3 guys pursued me and each guy just didn't do "it" for me. None gave me butterflies. PLUS I had always wanted to move far away, I didn't want to get stuck in that small town. So I purposely tried avoiding relationships. Two years after that, I moved hundreds of miles to NYC. I felt good about having a fresh start. Unfortunately I started working so much that I just hung out with coworkers. All of my coworkers know where I stand. I've been pursued by MANY guys here in NYC. Some of them are definitely no-no's for me, not my type, etc. But there are one or two that I actually WOULD date if they were JW! And it sucks because they are all real intrigued by me. I just HATE it when they do the whole "Where do I sign up?" line about religion. Stupid! We all know the feeling. Anyway, I'm inactive since I've slacked on meetings since moving! I often wonder how many times I cross paths with other inactive ones? All kinds. The ones like me that are inactive but still believe, the inactive ones who are just kinda "stuck" and feel like it's too late to turn back around. Etc. I hate the pressure of being a goody-goody in the truth. But I've come too far since my reinstatement, too far to do anything majorly wrong. I DO want to go back, but get mad nervous that I'll never find someone to settle with! Sometimes I just wish I could find another inactive brother who would relate to my situation... but that's near impossible... Kinda hard to meet someone just like yourself when neither one of you is attending. Makes you wonder if a drifter can find another drifter, you know? I want to start a family some day. I'm afraid that I'll either end up all alone with no one, or I'll end up marrying out of the truth and stuck in an unhappy relationship lacking unity :P
Has anyone else had similar feeling? I'm asking guys or girls, doesn't matter. I just can't bring myself to have a relationship with a worldly guy again. I could never do the holidays, it just felt so wrong. The whole flying reindeer and Santa lies, is crazy. Anyone else have the same thoughts or experiencing the same problem?