hard to find "in" relationship while inactive

believerNYCgirl

I was out of the truth and in a relationship for 4 years. I didn't go to the meetings at all, my bf lived with me, and we celebrated holidays. I never stopped believing the truth. Finally when he proposed, everything hit me and I realized how much I did NOT want to be out of the truth. I didn't want a lifetime of arguments on how to raise the kids, etc. Three months later (no kidding) I was reinstated.

Anyway it felt great to be back! But finding a relationship was really hard! It was a small suburban area, not a big city at all. In the end, 3 guys pursued me and each guy just didn't do "it" for me. None gave me butterflies. PLUS I had always wanted to move far away, I didn't want to get stuck in that small town. So I purposely tried avoiding relationships. Two years after that, I moved hundreds of miles to NYC. I felt good about having a fresh start. Unfortunately I started working so much that I just hung out with coworkers. All of my coworkers know where I stand. I've been pursued by MANY guys here in NYC. Some of them are definitely no-no's for me, not my type, etc. But there are one or two that I actually WOULD date if they were JW! And it sucks because they are all real intrigued by me. I just HATE it when they do the whole "Where do I sign up?" line about religion. Stupid! We all know the feeling. Anyway, I'm inactive since I've slacked on meetings since moving! I often wonder how many times I cross paths with other inactive ones? All kinds. The ones like me that are inactive but still believe, the inactive ones who are just kinda "stuck" and feel like it's too late to turn back around. Etc. I hate the pressure of being a goody-goody in the truth. But I've come too far since my reinstatement, too far to do anything majorly wrong. I DO want to go back, but get mad nervous that I'll never find someone to settle with! Sometimes I just wish I could find another inactive brother who would relate to my situation... but that's near impossible... Kinda hard to meet someone just like yourself when neither one of you is attending. Makes you wonder if a drifter can find another drifter, you know? I want to start a family some day. I'm afraid that I'll either end up all alone with no one, or I'll end up marrying out of the truth and stuck in an unhappy relationship lacking unity :P

Has anyone else had similar feeling? I'm asking guys or girls, doesn't matter. I just can't bring myself to have a relationship with a worldly guy again. I could never do the holidays, it just felt so wrong. The whole flying reindeer and Santa lies, is crazy. Anyone else have the same thoughts or experiencing the same problem?

Junction-Guy

Armageddon is so close, why are you worried about those mundane things?

DJK

Welcome NYC girl.

Stay with this forum for a while and you'll notice most here are ex-JWs.

There are some JWs and there are many who have dealt with the issues you have described. One issue I and many will agree on is this; the choices for partners are limited within one KH. Traveling to others will increase your chances of meeting someone you will wish to persue a relationship with.

I might not be the only one to say this, don't settle for second best.

llbh

Hi NYC Girl Welcome,

I am married so my advice is rather limited. I will make a couple of observations though. Most here have either lef,t or are in the process of leaving and from what i see show no desire to go back.

That being said from what i see there are a number of single guys here and this forum can be a good place to start networking.

I hope you enjoy your time here.

Regards llbh

Awakened07

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

I think many here can - or rather once could - relate to your dilemma. Most here however have gone past being inactive and are on the way out or have been out for some time.

You want to go back and be active, but have you really gone through the thought process of why? I'm guessing you still believe it's the Truth, then. But you're not attending because...?

-While I was still active, but had started to drift a little, I told myself (actually in an effort to "straighten myself out") that there are really no half measures if one wants to be a JW. And it's true. You are supposed to attend every meeting. You are supposed to go out in field service ca. ten hours a month, preferably more. You are supposed to study for meetings. Etc. etc. If you don't, you'll be considered weak. 'The lukewarm will be spat out', and all that...

If it sounds like I'm judging you, that's far from the case. But you should examine your beliefs carefully, and examine the reasons you no longer attend. This place can help you in that process, but you'll have to keep an open mind. Since you are so close to being fully active on one hand, you will probably be "scared" by some of the contents here, as much of it will challenge what you believe.

'Worldly people' aren't necessarily as bad as you think (well, you have dated some and should know); there's a wide range of personalities and beliefs out there, and most people are quite nice. Not all of them necessarily celebrate the holidays either; except perhaps for the giving of gifts thing.

Anyway - stick around, and eventually I think your problems will solve themselves. But I would definitely encourage you to research the JW faith from all angles. I think some of your problems come from leaving the 'truth' because you found a non-JW guy that first time and simply went out of the congregation because of that, and not because you had serious doubts or had researched your faith.

So you basically believed it was the Truth, but was in love with a non-JW and so couldn't be in (right?). I think it's easy to want to go back in those cases, and it must also be quite difficult because I'm sure your conscience has bothered you.

If you go back and become fully active, you'll most likely find a fully active JW guy. If you remain inactive, you could just as well continue dating non-JWs, and you'll find a boyfriend there. But I think you should make a clear choice either way (and based on research).

Anyway - good luck, and don't be afraid of asking questions (and getting answers).

eclipse

It really makes me sad that they pull the wool over people's eyes so badly that even when they are out they feel that they need to go back.

You need to get your facts straight about the religion that claims to have the truth.

You are going to kick yourself in the butt so hard when you find out you've wasted a perfectly nice marriage and life for a lying bunch of men in brooklyn.

Please see the following links, and make up your mind about what you read.

http://www.jwfacts.com/

http://www.freeminds.org/

http://www.jwfiles.com/

http://www.jwinfoline.com/Documents/Watchtower_organization/jw_questions_on_un.htm

http://www.jehovah.net.au/

http://www.freeminds.org/psych/lifton.htm

http://www.freedomofmind.com/resourcecenter/help/onesself/

-eclipse - born and raised a JW until I learned the facts about their lies back in 2006. faded in 2004. Will never go back to ANY religion.

oompa

I am in ny a lot on business and have a feeling I would be a very fun and interesting date for you, I like the big Ribeyes at Arthurs in Hoboken. If it ok with my hardcore JW wife, I will pm you before I pop in!!!!!!....oompa

Satanus

Yes, since we have such a unique background, it's hard another. Sounds like you are balancing in the middle of a seesaw. On this site is a good place to examine your beliefs. Many here are in transitions. A lot of experience and info is just there, for the asking, even without asking, sometimes;)

S

ex-nj-jw

The whole flying reindeer and Santa lies, is crazy.

Just as crazy as believing there is an all powerfull sky daddy waiting to strike down all non-believers in a horrible day of vengence, leaving millions of rotting bodies for bird food and all the lucky (oops fortunate) JW's who survive this day of vengence to clean up?

Difference is the flying reindeer and santa stories are believed by children and when they grow up they stop believing in fairytales.

I hate to be the one to break it to ya, but it's all a big fairytale, stop waisting your time and energy on it and get on with living and enjoying the life you have now. Just my 2cents!

nj

Edited to add: Welcome to JWD

Junction-Guy

Suffice to say, you are definitely on the wrong board, you wont find many here that will encourage you to go back to the Kingdom Hall.

hard to find "in" relationship while inactive

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