The Mike - The principal problem with the elders' intefering in the problems experienced by married couples is that they have absolutely no training and, therefore, no qualifications nor justification to do so. It takes at least several years of intensive beyond a Bachelor's degree [B.A.] to qualify as a therapist and specialize in marrigage counseling. The interpersonal dynamics of marrigage are quite complex. The challenges faced by married couples often seem daunting. In order to be a therapist, a person absolutely must have the requisite knowledge and skills to effectively deal with a couple's emotional and spiritual issues. He or she must possess a great amount of empathy and compassion.
In short, being married is very difficult. If a couple chooses to see a therapist /counselor, that person had better be highly educated and well-trained in order to serve his/her clients well and help them to face and overcome the difficulties associated with marriage in our modern era. The therapist/counselor should have at least a Master's degree, and preferably a Ph.D. After all, everyone is quite justifiably expects that their doctors and surgeons are more than adequtely trained. Marriage is of no less importance.
Let me ask you, the Mike. Would you, personally, have surgery performed on you if you knew for a fact they had no medical training whatsoever? As we know, many [not all, bu many] Witness elders have only a high school diploma. Many [not all, but many] are "encouraged" to work in trades in the capacity of janitors or window-washers. My point is not to criticize or mock these jobs. My question is: How do these trades qualify Witness elders to be marriage counselors? Or, let's suppose a Witness is an accountant or a lawyers, as some are. Would you go to a lawyer for surgery? Would you say to yourself - "Man, this looks like it could be a tumor on my neck, I should probably call and make an appointment with my accounant."
The truth of the matter is that most elders are incompetant ignoramuses. They are utterly incapable of offering any sort of helpful or reasonable advice to a couple whose marrigage is in trouble. Moreover, the Bible itself can offer precious little usefulness in the area of marital problems and tension. The whole idea of "headship" is a load of tripe. It's misogynist bullshit. The "information" in the Bible is outdated by at least two millenia. It was written in an era totally different from our own, by people possessing an entirely different ethos. By way of illustration, as you probably know, there existed cars in the 1920's. Suppose you found a repair manual dating back to the 1920's. Would you try to use that manual to repair a modern-day hybrid car? Many modern cars have computerized components integrated into their mechanics. Of how much use do you think that 1920's manual would be in fixing a modern-day car?
One last point. If there is any - even the slightest - suspicion of spousal abuse in the form of physical and/or psychological violence, then it is definitely a matter for the police. If an elder even so much as suspects abuse or violence, then he is bound both ethically and morally to notify the police.
It is specifically in this regard that the Witness elders show thenselves to be abhorrant and disgusting bastards. Often [not always], in order "not to bring reproach on the congregation or Jehovah's name," the Witness elders turn a blind eye - or even cover up - all forms of domestic violence and abuse. Witness men batter and rape their wives. Witnesses beat their children in the Kingdom Hall, and are met with approving smiles. Pedophilia is an enormous problem within the Witness organization. It is all-pervasive. And yet, the Witness elders are notorious for covering up these horrific crimes against women and children.
Given that the Jehovah's Witnesses organization is a "safe harbor" and sanctuary for pedophiles and perpetrators of domestic violence [this is due in very large part to the so-called "two witness rule," with which I am sure that you are familiar], how the hell can Witness elders be expected to have the knowledge and the compassionate empathy to advise couples who are experiencing troubles in marriage? It's like asking a pig to play chess.