https://unzj.wordpress.com/die-unechten-zeugen-jehovas/the-unholy-scriptures/the-book-of-papayah/
The Book of Papayah
“Therefore, look! there are days coming,” is the utterance of the prophet Papayah, “when a wild beast will ascend out of the sea, with seven heads and forty horns. And I shall put enmity between it and the crocodile and between its tail and its tail. Then there will be great tribulation such as has not occurred since the beginning of this year, no, nor will occur again this year. Only be courageous and very strong! And you must not desire your fellowman’s moth and rust. The cinnamon stars will fall from heaven, and there came to be evening and there came to be the day before yesterday, a twelfth day.”
Six days later the Yeti went up into a lofty mountain by himself. And, look! there appeared to him Reinhold Messner and the Dalai Lama, conversing with him. Responsively the Yeti said: “Hear, now, you Russians! Is it from this crag that we shall bring out vodka for you?” So they went each one to his home. And the Dead Sea was parted, and in its western half there was iodized salt; but as for its eastern half there proved to be not any iodine in the salt. Then God rained down upon the sun, fire and sulphur, and the day came that was burning like the furnace, when the inhabitants of Jerusalem baked their bread with the leaven of the Pharisees.
And an angel cried out with a strong voice, saying: “She has fallen! She has come exactly as a thief in the night! Whenever it is that they are saying: ‘Peace and security!’ then Jerusalem will be rebuilt and its sons and daughters will be removed by a missile from their own ground.” Now let them look for girls, virgins, beautiful ones, for myself, and they will have to get three seah measures of fine flour, knead the dough and make round cakes. Certainly if God did not hold back from punishing the bakers that baked inferior bread, but delivered them to trade control—according to their wish, this fact escapes their notice, that Amos was a herdsman and a nipper of figs of sycamore trees. And the desirable things of all the nations must come in and fill my wallet with glory.
Happy is the man that has not walked in the counsel of the just ones, and in the way of holiness has not stood, but his delight is in sword and spear and javelin. And a sower went out to sow. And as he was sowing, some seed fell alongside the road, and it turned into four living creatures, and this was how they looked: Each one had four faces. The four of them had an owl’s face with a cat’s face to the right, and the four of them had a crocodile’s face on the left; the four of them also had a paleface and an interface. And the angel said to one of the four living creatures: “Look! You are beautiful! Your eyes are those of black-eyes peas. Your hair is smelling like a drove of goats that have not washed for months. Your teeth are as numerous as the sons of Ephraim, Sluthelah and Beared his son and Tahath his son and Smelleadah his son and Tahath his son, and Zabad his son and Shuthelah his son and Ezer and Smellead.”
What sharing does light have with darkness? Further, what harmony is there between Christ and the Watchtower? Or what portion does a drunkard have with a teetotaler? And what agreement does Nebuzaradan the chief of the bodyguard have with Hobochadnezzar the King? As apples of gold in silver carvings is a contentious wife, although in a house in common. Where there is no wood returning to its vomit, the one hating you is hungry. But will God truly dwell with Jehovah’s Witnesses in Brooklyn? Look! Bethels, yes, the Bethels of the Bethels themselves, cannot contain God; how much less, then, this widemouthed cooking pot in Jerusalem and Judah?
Adulteresses, do you not know when your husbands come home? You husbands, keep on loving your wives and do not be bitterly angry with the waste that comes first, along with apostasy, even before the man of lawlessness picks it up. And God went on to say: “Let the bio waste put forth maggots, living souls according to their kinds,” until the garbage collection came and swept them all away. And the utterance of the prophet Tequiljah is: “I saw all the packaging that was discarded under the sun, and, look! everything was vanity and a striving after wind.”
At that time those in fear of Jehovah spoke with one another, each one with his homeowner, and their partner kept paying attention and listening. And a field service report slip began to be written up for those in fear of Jehovah. That is why, just as through one man sin entered into the congregation and field service report through sin, and thus field service spread to all Jehovah’s Witnesses because they had all witnessed—. For until disfellowshipping the publishers were stoned, they were tried, they were monitored, they went about in suits, in long skirts, while they were in want, in tribulation, under ill-treatment; and they were not worthy of the world. They wandered about in witnessing territories and at places where the need is great. So, then, because we have so great a cloud of morons surrounding us, let us also put off every weight and theWatchtower, for each one will carry his own witnessing bag.
Eventually there rose another prophet in Israel; his name was Maracuyah. And Maracuyah was desperate because he has sown thorns and thistles in his garden, but still there did not grow grapes and figs. Finally Gold told him: “You fool! Never do people gather grapes from thorns or figs from thistles, do they? Do not be misled: Nature is not one to be mocked. For whatever a man is sowing, this he will also reap; because he who is sowing thistles will reap thistles, but he who is sowing with a view to fig trees will reap figs from the fig tree.” So let us not give up in fermenting the whole lump with a little leaven.
And the word of God continued to occur to Maracuyah, saying: “What! Do you not know that Jehovah’s Witnesses will not inherit God’s kingdom? Do not be misled. Neither elders, nor ministerial servants, nor pioneers, nor circuit and district overseers, nor men who work at Bethel, nor members of the Governing Body will inherit God’s kingdom. And yet that is what some of you were. But you have been washed clean, but you have been disfellowshipped.” And the number of the apostates must become like the grains of the sand of the sea that cannot be measured or numbered.
And then it occurred that the prophet Maracuyah went for shopping into a city. And he saw many people, more than usual, and there were also twenty-four elders dressed in long red coats, and upon their heads twenty-four pointed caps. And he asked a passerby: “Who are they?” And the passerby replied and said: “The great day of Santa Claus is near. It is near, and there is a hurrying of it very much. The sound of the bell of Santa Claus is loud. There a small child is letting out a cry. That day is a day of fury because of inappropriate gifts, a day of distress and of fear of one’s relatives, a day of alcohol and of fat food. And their relatives will cause distress to the people, and they will certainly walk like mad men; because they cannot stand their relatives.”
And there must go forth a pig out of the stump of the Chinese; and out of his fridge a duck will be fried. And upon it vegetables and sauce must settle down, sweet-and-sour, and there will be enjoyment by the number forty-two. And the Cadillac will actually park for a while with the Rabbit, and a mere little boy will be the driver of them. And a woman shall say to her husband: “Your car will be my car, and your key my key. Where you drive I shall drive, and there is where I shall park. May God do so to me and add to it if anything but an accident should make a separation between me and you.”
Now Jehovah invited Jonah for dinner, and he ordered a great fish and told Jonah to swallow it, so that in the end it took Jonah three days and three nights to eat it up. Jonah though developed fish poisoning and was plagued by heavy pangs, so that he said: “Take away, please, my soul from me, for my dying is better than my being alive.” After many days he recovered, and then he opened his mouth and said: “For a certainty I perceive that God cannot cook, which is why in every nation the man that offers him tasty sacrifices is acceptable to him.”
Who is the liar if it is not the one that claims that Jehovah’s Witnesses teach the truth? This is the antichrist. And all these maledictions will certainly come upon you and pursue you and overtake you until you have been annihilated, because you did listen to the voice of Jehovah’s Witnesses by keeping their commandments and their statutes. May you have undeserved blindness and peas.
Then Jehoo the son of Yahooshaphat stood up as king. One day Jehoo collected all the people together and said to them: “Now call all the witnesses of Jehovah, all the elders and all the ministerial servants to me. Do not let a single one be missing.” After that Jehoo sent through all Israel, so that all the Jehovah’s Witnesses came in. And not a single one was left over that did not come in. Then Jehoo entered with Yahoonadab the son of Raymond into the assembly hall. He now talked to the witnesses of Jehovah and read to them from the book of the crisis of conscience and explained to them the whole truth about the Watchtower Society, their doctrines, and their business affairs. And all the elders and ministerial servants came to know the truth. Then they brought out their bound Watchtower volumes and burned each one. Further, they pulled down the Kingdom Halls and pulled down the Bethel, and they kept it set aside for privies down to this day.
Now a speech of the pope was broadcasted on television, and he said: “You wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, regardless of how many they might be, in order that they may be won without being able to say a word, because of having been earwitnesses of your loud conduct together with deep emotional outbursts. And do not let your adornment be that of the wearing of outer garments, but let it be the secret underwear, which is of great value in the eyes of a man. But know this, that in the last days critical times hard to deal with will be here. For men will be reasonable, lovers of their families, blasphemers, disobedient to popes, having no natural stupidity, not open to any method of torture, without love of badness, lovers of water rather than lovers of beer, having a form of alcoholism but proving false to its power; and from these turn away.” Now as for me, I heard, but I could not understand; so that I said: “What a load of nonsense!” One day God will speak to the pope: “Look! Small is what I have made you among the nations. You are despised very much.”
With what are we to liken the kingdom of God, or in what illustration shall we set it out? Like a public toilet, which at the time it was built was absolutely clean—but when it has been built, it is defiled and becomes dirtier than all other buildings, so that the rats of the ground are able to find lodging under its shadow. Every male among Jehovah’s Witnesses will eat there. It is something most holy. “Look! Upon the mountains the feet of one bringing ‘good news,’ one distributing the Watchtower. I wrote something to the congregation, but the elders do not receive anything with respect.”
If any man is reaching out for an office of circuit overseer, he is desirous of a bloody stupid work. The circuit overseer should therefore be nuts, a husband of at least one wife, sick in mind, disorderly, misanthropic, qualified to drink, a drunken brawler, a smiter, having children in subjection with all violence. Once a circuit overseer paid a visit to an elderly sister, and she said to him: “I have no wine.” But the circuit overseer replied to her: “What have I to do with you, woman? How am I supposed to survive the afternoon without alcohol? And you must not boil a goatlike apostate in his mother’s milk!”
Woe to those who are scheming what is harmful, and to those practicing what is bad, in their witnessing territories! By the light of the morning they proceed to do it, because it is in the power of their hand. And they have desired territories and have seized them; also houses, and have taken them; and they have told lies to the people there. It is necessary to shut the mouths of these, as these very men keep on subverting entire households by teaching things they ought not. These men are murmurers, complainers about their lot in life, proceeding according to their own desires, and their mouths speak swelling things.
Now it came to be the day when the elders entered into the Kingdom Hall to take their station before the circuit overseer, and even Satan proceeded to enter right among them. And it came about at that time that the neighbor of an elder proceeded to rise from his sofa and caught sight of the elder’s wife. So he came in to her and he lay down with her, while her husband was attending the Kingdom Ministry School. Later he returned to his house.
Wake up, you drunkards, and weep; and howl, all you wine drinkers, on account of sweet wine, for it has been cut off from your mouths. For from now on you shall drink beer. Woe to the one saying to the piece of paper: “Awake! O do awake!” to a Watchtower: “It itself will give instruction”! This is the deceiver and the antichrist.