My grandpa is in his 80's and still an active captain in the Coast Guard. He never rests, hates to sit down. My DH's grandpa walks like 10 miles a day, same age... fantastic physical health. They both give me so much to aspire to, I admire them both immensely.
Posts by AlyMC
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25Do You Know Any Active Elderly?
by compound complex inhi fellow jwders:.
i've just returned from playing piano duets with one of the community's .
premier accompanists.
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22
I was told I sound like an Apostate
by senora inso i'm in the process of ditching my jw friends and one of them tells me that i'm starting to sound like an apostate why??
because i'm going to yet another congregation and she feels that i should stay in one cogo to get established.
first of all i'm about to go into a foreign language congo wherein i speak half the language and want to be fluent in that language, but my real reason is....i don't want friends and family finding out about my fade so they won't start calling me and bugging me.
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AlyMC
I guess I'm officially on the other side, because I kind of consider it a compliment to be told that I sound like I have the independent thinking of an apostate. my mind can't even imagine the least amount of contempt for this statement.
IMO, I grew up really poor... and this is a mentality you'll hit even by worldly peers "What you wanna move up?? You to good for us??" It is an ideology that is met with a lot of criticism in certain social groupings... I don't think it is unique to JW's at all. Her reasoning for her objection is JW centric, but I would be willing to guess the root of it goes much deeper.
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19
How did you save your marriage while leaving?
by AlyMC inthe other thread (opposite in nature) is really touching and i enjoyed reading everyone's experiences.
i saw a few people who were still in share how scared they were of that outcome, so i thought positive stories of how you managed to save your marriage while leaving the organization might be nice.
so, what is your story?
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AlyMC
I really appreciate everyone's stories!
Ronin- I am in complete agreement. Being out has not in any way made our marriage suffer. Quite the opposite really. Once we recovered and adapted a little, it really started to get good. We've been together 10 years and each year since leaving just gets better.
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23
Shunning taken to the extreme
by unbeliever inthere is this xjw i know that i grew up with and we have kept in touch over the years.
he was df'd as a teenager, moved away and never looked back.
"k" has family he keeps in touch with.
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AlyMC
There is a time and a place to walk away and move on... even from family. Some are toxic. I can say from experience that blood is not always thicker than water.
I am surprised though that it never got around to them before!
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19
How did you save your marriage while leaving?
by AlyMC inthe other thread (opposite in nature) is really touching and i enjoyed reading everyone's experiences.
i saw a few people who were still in share how scared they were of that outcome, so i thought positive stories of how you managed to save your marriage while leaving the organization might be nice.
so, what is your story?
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AlyMC
It shocked me to, and made me feel really guilty as well. It is fair to say though that he was not a die hard. When we met he was in college, we were always there on sundays but rarely in service or weekday meetings. I think his biggest reason for being there still was familial expectations. He'd been DF'd before and didn't like being the black sheep of his family. Can't say I blamed him...
I can only imagine how much harder it would be for someone who is really immersed in it.
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How did you save your marriage while leaving?
by AlyMC inthe other thread (opposite in nature) is really touching and i enjoyed reading everyone's experiences.
i saw a few people who were still in share how scared they were of that outcome, so i thought positive stories of how you managed to save your marriage while leaving the organization might be nice.
so, what is your story?
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AlyMC
For me, my decision to leave came very quick. It had been brewing for years. I wanted to either sink or swim, I was sick of being a "weak" one. So I asked the elders to approve me for a study and they assigned a pioneer to me. It was the first time I took the studies seriously at all- including looking up "worldly" scholars quoted by the society, lexicons, etc. We only studied a few weeks, then I went from "I want to study" to "I'm leaving". I'm sure it took my husband off guard.
He asked why, and I didn't try and convince him of anything. I used "I statements" kept it about me and how I felt, and avoided placing blame. I talked about what I felt lacked in my childhood and how I wanted different experience for my kids. I said how I had always been so unhappy as a witness and that at this point I didn't care if I died... but that I just wanted to enjoy the life I had in a positive way. I pointed out his grandparents who have given their life to the organization and how unhappy they seemed. The end hasn't come in their life time, and that I didn't want to give my life waiting for an end that might or might not come. I'd rather live the life I *knew* I had, and if I died, I died. I didn't see the point in trying to convince him that the end wouldn't come. I think I even said something about how even being a JW doesn't secure me from not dying, I have to always give 100% of myself to preaching and studying to really assure me a "spot". "I just don't have it in me" I told him.
I tried to keep doctrinal debate to a minimum and chose carefully and worded my objections as questions. He tried to answer my questions, but ended up asking me to talk to some elders- which I obliged. I was careful and "meek" in my delivery and asked questions- very careful not to outright say I didn't believe.
My feelings hadn't changed after doing what he asked so I told him I couldn't continue to go, but that I would continue to support him in going and we could work out the details on how often the kids could go. I pointed out his other grandparents (one believer one not) and my grandparents (two different non-JW religions). I made it clear that I supported him, and always would... and knew he would support me as well.
I told him repeatedly that I loved him and that I wanted to let go of the religion, but NOT him. That above everything else, I wanted to keep close to him through this. That the only thing I couldn't stand to lose was his love, which was true.
I know not all will get an answer so surprising from a believing mate, but after the shock wore off and acceptance came in, he decided to leave with me. He didn't enjoy meetings enough to do it alone, much less alone with kids. It kind of shattered his world, because he had always hoped he'd marry a pioneer to "carry" the family spiritually. I guess in his heart he wasn't much of a believer himself. He had rarely seen one partner leave and not have it eventually tear them up... so he left with me. That wasn't what I wanted, honestly... I didn't want to be his reason for leaving.
I won't lie, the next couple years were a real trial for us. We didn't quite know how to relate to the world, how to make friends, how to thrive outside the confines of the organization. I'm sure there was some bitterness to me for taking away our social structure and his family in a big way. It took us awhile to find our feet. He eventually has come to his own conclusions about the organizations and no longer regards it as a truth... but it was his own journey, I didn't push it on him.
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19
How did you save your marriage while leaving?
by AlyMC inthe other thread (opposite in nature) is really touching and i enjoyed reading everyone's experiences.
i saw a few people who were still in share how scared they were of that outcome, so i thought positive stories of how you managed to save your marriage while leaving the organization might be nice.
so, what is your story?
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AlyMC
The other thread (opposite in nature) is really touching and I enjoyed reading everyone's experiences. I saw a few people who were still in share how scared they were of that outcome, so I thought positive stories of how you managed to save your marriage while leaving the organization might be nice.
So, what is your story?
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37
Who lets it be known that they were once a JW?
by lfcviking ini am curious, for those of us here who have left the jw org, who actually lets it be known to people that they were once a practicing jw.. for me, this is something i tend to keep quiet because it is something i'm not particularly proud of.
anyone else feel the same way?.
lfcv.
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AlyMC
I tell most people I become friends with that I was raised a JW. I have a lot of quirks to my personality, somehow I think it helps people understand. lol. Not really people I know and see, but people I actually befriend. I'm not a big social person though, so that number is few.
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Women - Do You Know What Men Really Want in a Relationship ?
by flipper inno, it's not just sex !
lol!
contrary to popular opinion !
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AlyMC
I wanted to kick you, JK after reading your reply. ;o) If I am honest though(lol), I don't feel it is my job to intuitively know what most men want in a relationship.
I don't expect my husband to know my needs either, it is up to each of us to communicate our needs. So in a relationship it is more important to be in tune with what I want and need so I can communicate clearly. If he does the same (which mine does) than we don't have to interpret what each other want... though we do always try to be aware of each other as well.
I will say though that I don't think it is a woman/man issue. It is a partner issue. Just because another woman can articulate what she needs from a relationship, that doesn't mean it is what I need in my relationship. I just don't think of it in such a man/woman way. I am not partnered with a variety of men, just one... and I do attempt to understand his needs and meet them as an individual, as he does for me.
When you try to compare a variety of women (or men) and use their contradictions to "prove" that they don't know what they want or that they are confusing, you are doing yourself a huge disservice. We are all complex individuals and you can't interpret much of anything from me based on my gender alone.
After 10 years I do have a good understanding of my husband, but if I were to find myself with another man, I'd essentially be starting over.
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How Did Your JW Wife or Husband Leave You?
by new boy ininspiried by other post and threads....and the love to type.. after going from being a self rightious pioneer and bethelite, to someone who had major doubts.my years drifted by me.
i had been a watchtower slave for over 50 years.
one day at a time, i sold my soul.
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AlyMC
wow, such a touching story... the idea of everything being over with a kiss on the cheek is really powerful.
I am sorry for all that you loss to get free.