Posts by MisfitMeL

46

A little advice needed on disassociating myself

by MisfitMeL in

yes i know i tend to post here only when i need advice or have something to rant about .

so i'm living in the uk but leaving very shortly to go back to my home country of india and try my career luck there (what with the recession and all that).

i'll be living with my mum for a while and i am soooo not looking forward to it.

MisfitMeL

Arrrrggghhh I just typed up a reply and it disappeared as soon as I clicked Submit

Hokay nevermind..

Chris : Thank you for the hugs and the PM! If you hadn't mentioned it, I would have been completely oblivious to it It's not very obvious when there's new message in the Inbox.

Rebel : What if they insist on knowing Why I don't want to go for the meetings? I will do my best to dodge the elders and my mum in answering their questions. Would saying that I don't want to go to the meetings imply that I do not wish to associate with the JWs anymore and hence a sort of admission? Sorry just thinking of possibilities....

Scarred for life : I have a little money saved and I think my dad will be willing to support me financially until I get a job, so it's not TOO bad. I don't plan on hanging around at mum's house for too long... will probably move to another city and maybe friends there will let me stay with them or find a place to flatshare etc. Still there will be 3-4 weeks when I will be with mum and a lot can happen in that time period!!!

Thank you very much for your kind words, thoughts and well wishes. It certainly means a lot to know there are others out there who have faced similar situations and are willing to share their experiences and wisdom!

46

A little advice needed on disassociating myself

by MisfitMeL in

yes i know i tend to post here only when i need advice or have something to rant about .

so i'm living in the uk but leaving very shortly to go back to my home country of india and try my career luck there (what with the recession and all that).

i'll be living with my mum for a while and i am soooo not looking forward to it.

MisfitMeL

Sorry to hear about your experience Chris :(

I will certainly be on my guard and reserved about my stance. Even if I won't attend the meetings, I will hold back from unleashing everything I know. Thank you for the advice. I'm glad I posted here before going off and doing something hasty!

46

A little advice needed on disassociating myself

by MisfitMeL in

yes i know i tend to post here only when i need advice or have something to rant about .

so i'm living in the uk but leaving very shortly to go back to my home country of india and try my career luck there (what with the recession and all that).

i'll be living with my mum for a while and i am soooo not looking forward to it.

MisfitMeL

Thanks Chris! I've printed out the JPGs and I will try to grab a copy if I bump into any JWs... my mum should have it too, and if not, it's probably easy enough to get a hold of..

What a hypocritical article!! A few years ago, I would have read it and let it all wash over me... Knowing what I know now, it really makes me angry at how two faced the org can be with they smooth lies and soothsayings. I genuinely pity all the naive people who join without a clue of what lies ahead. I was raised in the faith since I was about two years old, so pretty much born into it... I think the born ins are more likely to leave probably because we never really had a choice in the first place!

46

A little advice needed on disassociating myself

by MisfitMeL in

yes i know i tend to post here only when i need advice or have something to rant about .

so i'm living in the uk but leaving very shortly to go back to my home country of india and try my career luck there (what with the recession and all that).

i'll be living with my mum for a while and i am soooo not looking forward to it.

MisfitMeL

Chris : Yes it's very tempting to blurt out everything, but you're right, it immediately shows you as an apostate and everything goes tits up after that. I will try to do a lot of reading over the next few days and take notes, so that I can be armed with a few questions. I have no idea how I'm going to handle all of this or even know what to say, but I'm hoping for some inspiration!

What's in the July Awake? I have no contact with any JW or the KH so I have no idea how to get a hold of a copy She texted me last night to get some of the latest CDs and DVDs etc... I have absolutely no idea how to get hold of those. I'll just have to make up some excuse as usual.

Vinny : Thanks for the link! There are some very good points that could subtly include in conversations with my mum if I ever have to...

Willyloman : My mum and I aren't close at all. We don't have a very good relationship because I hardly ever talk to her unless it's about something mundane. I don't open up to her or have any deep discussions because of the way she reacts to things, which means as a child I learned to just not say anything personal. I'm not completely financially independent, so until I am, I will do my best to keep my head down and not stir things up too much, even though she is quite a drama queen. I think establishing boundaries should be the primary concern and I hope she'll swallow my excuses for not attending as smoothly as possible.

Thanks for your experiences Freddo and JustHuman. Thanks for the suggestion Kaytee. I'm not sure if I'm up to a major scriptural discussion with an Elder. I can see my mum taking any JW's side because they are her only friends.

Thinking about all this is stressful enough I hope I can say the right thing when the time comes as I have a way of messing things up when I get very emotional.

46

A little advice needed on disassociating myself

by MisfitMeL in

yes i know i tend to post here only when i need advice or have something to rant about .

so i'm living in the uk but leaving very shortly to go back to my home country of india and try my career luck there (what with the recession and all that).

i'll be living with my mum for a while and i am soooo not looking forward to it.

MisfitMeL

Damocles : You're right. I really do need to sort out the mother-daughter relationship first before jumping headlong into anything else. I definitely need to establish boundaries and make sure she realises I'm an adult and that she has to respect my decisions and choices.

Snakes : Your post was wonderful. It is certainly encouraging to read someone's first hand experience, especially since you know what it can be like! I can't emphasise how invaluable it is... and yes it definitely sucks with the triple whammy. I'm going to copy and print your advice about the congregations so I can remember exactly what to do and say when the time comes!

"The India elders will only care if your mom keeps stirring the pot." That's the one issue that worries me the most! My mum. I couldn't really care less what other people do, but she's a type of person who won't let sleeping dogs lie!

Nelly : Yes I'd have the same problem any where in the EU as I need a visa to live/work anywhere. I'm going to keep my head as low as possible and try to find a job asap and probably get my friends to put up with me for a while.

46

A little advice needed on disassociating myself

by MisfitMeL in

yes i know i tend to post here only when i need advice or have something to rant about .

so i'm living in the uk but leaving very shortly to go back to my home country of india and try my career luck there (what with the recession and all that).

i'll be living with my mum for a while and i am soooo not looking forward to it.

MisfitMeL

Thanks everyone! I really appreciate the advice. It's great to hear such things when you're stressed out and confused and could make the wrong decision..

I'm definitely not going to DA now and just go with Farkel's excuse of having personal issues.

46

A little advice needed on disassociating myself

by MisfitMeL in

yes i know i tend to post here only when i need advice or have something to rant about .

so i'm living in the uk but leaving very shortly to go back to my home country of india and try my career luck there (what with the recession and all that).

i'll be living with my mum for a while and i am soooo not looking forward to it.

MisfitMeL

You should seriously listen to those who've advised you NOT to DA. They have all the right reasons, but the first and formost reason is, in order to DA, you'll have to continue to PLAY BY THEIR RULES. They WIN if you DA, because you did it THEIR way. Do you honestly want them to "win?" Thought not.

The other important reason not to DA is when you do, you are still recognizing their authority over you and your actions, and it could backfire. Many JWs shun their own children who DA for the rest of their lives, and a DA is treated exactly as a DF: it is merely a voluntary DF.

The most successful way to get out is to fade and never tell two elders or any two dubs in person or to even one elder over the phone how you really feel about the JW religion. There are many examples of one elder calling a doubter and trying to get the doubter to say something to condemn himself, while another elder is secretely listening in a phone extension. In that case, you would be headed for a DF.

Lie to them. (They lied to you for years, you know). Tell them you have personal issues you need to deal with and are not willing to discuss them. I've been a hard-core apostate for over 35 years, yet all my JW relatives never shunned me because I simply "faded" without a DA or DF.

Farkel

Thanks for the advice Farkel! What everyone is saying makes a lot of sense. I think I was hasty in choosing the DA option, but I will do my best to fade away. It was easy here because I have no family or friends, so I could just not go to the KH, and no one would know. It's much trickier back home, especially with my mum around, but I think I will now choose the silent route and just refuse to discuss my decision with anyone.

I know I will be itching to 'tell all' to my mum though!

46

A little advice needed on disassociating myself

by MisfitMeL in

yes i know i tend to post here only when i need advice or have something to rant about .

so i'm living in the uk but leaving very shortly to go back to my home country of india and try my career luck there (what with the recession and all that).

i'll be living with my mum for a while and i am soooo not looking forward to it.

MisfitMeL

Damocles : Thanks for the kind words.

Yes, this new extreme level of shunning is very worrying and I can only hope that with me being an only child, my mum will not want to shun me completely, as she is on her own after separating from my dad. She supported me in pursuing higher education, even when a few dubs made snide comments. So I HOPE she is not brainwashed enough to chuck me out, but I guess I can't rely on such flimsy ideals.

And you're right... arguing with such people only goes around in circles as they will not open their mind to anything else.

Sometimes I harbour a slightly childish fantasy of my mum renouncing her JW title and religion in general, and becoming 'well' enough so we can enjoy a reasonably normal mother and daughter relationship, which would make up for all the pain and tears for the past 25 years.

Quitting in my mind didn't seem like the hardest part to me, as I was never really a good JW, although I tried to be. I parroted a lot of stuff, but it all felt so fake. I couldn't be religious enough no matter how hard I tried, so discovering that the JW ideals were just as flawed as any other religion was more of a relief! It's just dealing with the personal side of it - the relationship with my parents, especially my mum, that is really hard because despite being 25 on the outside, it just covers a tiny little broken girl.

Sorry, I'm having one of those lousy evenings!

46

A little advice needed on disassociating myself

by MisfitMeL in

yes i know i tend to post here only when i need advice or have something to rant about .

so i'm living in the uk but leaving very shortly to go back to my home country of india and try my career luck there (what with the recession and all that).

i'll be living with my mum for a while and i am soooo not looking forward to it.

MisfitMeL

Yes my mum is very demon obsessed as well!! She used to be catholic and slags other religions for their superstitions, yet when she gets into the paranoid demon mode, she fails to see the irony!!

She used to constantly tell friends (mostly JWs so they'd agree with her anyway) about how my dad was being influenced by demons. Now she'll probably say the same for me and that 'Satan has taken a strong hold of me' and she will ask everyone to pray for me to see the truth again or whatever

I guess it's down to me to have restraint and patience even though when faced with such annoying situations I just would like to pull my hair and go AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I feel so alone at times as none of my friends understand what it's like, having never been part of such a cultish religion and the only comforting place to turn to is a forum like this, where company is miles away.

I know it's going to be a hard road ahead and I'll have to be strong, but a lot of times, I worry if I have it in me to face it all.

46

A little advice needed on disassociating myself

by MisfitMeL in

yes i know i tend to post here only when i need advice or have something to rant about .

so i'm living in the uk but leaving very shortly to go back to my home country of india and try my career luck there (what with the recession and all that).

i'll be living with my mum for a while and i am soooo not looking forward to it.

MisfitMeL

I probably don't need to DA to communicate to my mum about why this isn't the truth and I am not following it anymore. However, I know she will run off to the elders pronto and tell everyone in the KH about my 'rebellion' and then a bunch of them will try to come down on me like a ton of bricks. If I hold my own against them, there will probably be a JC and I will be DF'd thereby being shunned by her any way

I'm not really sure what to do and I can't live a lie. I know my mum has good intentions deep down but she is very messed up, which in turn messes me up, and I would like to find some sort of normality to compromise on. I just don't know where to start...

She's been in about 20+ years now.