That's the thing-especially when you're raised JW it seems like part of your psyche. You simply accept this is the way things are just like the sky is blue- a fact of life. Then once you break away, it takes this whole process to undo. When kids are involved it's even more challenging because you have to face the df'ing issue everytime your child does-after every meeting, every parenting visit, every assembly....that's why it's such an accomplishment for those who have decided not to accept those rules any longer...
milligal
JoinedPosts by milligal
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23
playing along with the disfellowshipped game
by milligal inmy son has come to stay with me for the summer, and this morning i got a phone call which showed on the caller id as my son's grandparents (my jw ex's parents who are also jw).
i assumed it was my ex calling from their house and answered handing the phone to my son.
that's when i heard his grandma's voice on the phone.
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growing up witness
by milligal ini grew up a witness and i never felt bad about my lack of material belongings a.k.a.
not having nice clothes in school, it didn't bother me that the other first graders were stuffing their faces with birthday cupcakes and i was in the school library researching fossils; but what did bother me?
my cool cousins.
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milligal
justhuman-I am really sorry to hear about what you have been through and I know your pain. My husband also quit school because of being forbidden by his mother to attend college. In our case the happy ending was that he finished his highschool diploma later in life and is now in college. But it has been rough, and I certainly know that with kids and three jobs it is nearly impossible to get your education. I do hope you find a happy ending, even if it is giving your children what you did not get-freedom to have an education and career. Best wishes.
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I thought you might enjoy (or puke) the daily text .....
by New light for you inso ladies and gentlemen..... i was going to throw out my daily text, then just decided to read todays.
now i know i'm going to throw it out, but first, lets share in jehobahs (gb) spirit, shall we?.
wednesday june 18th.
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milligal
I choose puke.
That brings back memories....and not good ones.
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23
playing along with the disfellowshipped game
by milligal inmy son has come to stay with me for the summer, and this morning i got a phone call which showed on the caller id as my son's grandparents (my jw ex's parents who are also jw).
i assumed it was my ex calling from their house and answered handing the phone to my son.
that's when i heard his grandma's voice on the phone.
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milligal
jamiebowers: My sister responded the same way-they do have some nerve. I have been around the 'legal' block on this one and unfortunately now is not the time for a religious debate in the courtroom-at least not with the judge I currently have. I am studying pre-law so once through law school you can bet I'll play every card available
sacolton: good for you, and...the other thing was kinda funny : )
Thechickenest: thank you, I really needed to hear that! It is so good to have the support of others who understand. I hope that this is a stepping stone for me.
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growing up witness
by milligal ini grew up a witness and i never felt bad about my lack of material belongings a.k.a.
not having nice clothes in school, it didn't bother me that the other first graders were stuffing their faces with birthday cupcakes and i was in the school library researching fossils; but what did bother me?
my cool cousins.
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milligal
Asimpleservant: I think I understand what you are getting at. I think another aspect of this topic is that -while the JW way of doing things did convince people-it typically convinced people who were simple in a likeminded way-not educated or 'down and out'. When you think about the countries that JW's have the most success in, it's always the third world countries where people have nothing else and are easily swayed to believe something better.
Maybe you picked up some good tips, maybe we are the strong ones who survived and moved on, but I wouldn't credit the JW mindmelt too much for that. They simply took advantage of emotionally needy people. That's not a good thing.
I'm glad you got yourself to a good place in your life and that you had the courage to do it at a young age.
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playing along with the disfellowshipped game
by milligal inmy son has come to stay with me for the summer, and this morning i got a phone call which showed on the caller id as my son's grandparents (my jw ex's parents who are also jw).
i assumed it was my ex calling from their house and answered handing the phone to my son.
that's when i heard his grandma's voice on the phone.
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milligal
My son has come to stay with me for the summer, and this morning I got a phone call which showed on the caller ID as my son's grandparents (my JW ex's parents who are also JW). I assumed it was my ex calling from their house and answered handing the phone to my son. That's when I heard his grandma's voice on the phone. This is what makes the story interesting: when I call her home to find my son, she NEVER answers the phone, sometimes her husband will, but she ignores my phone calls. My son has only been at my house for about 5 days into his summer break and already she called....
After their conversation I started thinking about this; why am I not allowed to call her house to speak to my own son, yet she can call my home without batting an eye? So I picked up the phone and called her-expecting to get the answering machine, but she actually answered, maybe thinking it was my son calling. I simply told her I had a quick question for her-I asked her why when I call her home she never picks up the phone, but then she feels free to call me to talk to my son.....she stuttuered for a moment and then said-'whenever you call I listen to the message and if it's important I pass it on'. I said 'you are welcome to call my home and talk to my son anytime, but I want the same respect in return, that's all I had to to talk to you about' and I hung up. I kept it calm, (I was surprisingly nervous) and slow and respectful, but I put her on the spot all the same.
This led me to question whether those of us that have been programmed into the JW ways, sometimes unknowingly, unwittingly play along with the whole 'you're df'd and shouldn't be treated with respect' game. This is the FIRST time (in 7 years!) I have ever confronted someone in the process of shunning me and asked them to explain themselves. I think she was as surprised as I was nervous. I know this is automatic for so many of us-but why should we go along? Do I need to feel bad that I'm making her uncomfortable by talking to her even though I'm df'd? Why doesn't she feel uncomfortable talking to me after her son beat me for five years?
Why should we assume that we understand why they are behaving the way that they do? Why should we continue dancing this dance with them? Anyone else have a story to share?
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growing up witness
by milligal ini grew up a witness and i never felt bad about my lack of material belongings a.k.a.
not having nice clothes in school, it didn't bother me that the other first graders were stuffing their faces with birthday cupcakes and i was in the school library researching fossils; but what did bother me?
my cool cousins.
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milligal
That's really the point isn't it-not that JW ruined your life forever, but that you couldn't start living your life until you left. You had to trade in friends and family for your freedom to operate as an individual. That's not right. It's not right to raise a girl as I was, that she has no opportunity/support/encouragement to go to school or have a career all you had was to marry some nice witness guy and pionner. Not that I didn't finally get to where I wanted in life, but it was after a lot of pain and unneccessary suffering.
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growing up witness
by milligal ini grew up a witness and i never felt bad about my lack of material belongings a.k.a.
not having nice clothes in school, it didn't bother me that the other first graders were stuffing their faces with birthday cupcakes and i was in the school library researching fossils; but what did bother me?
my cool cousins.
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milligal
asimpleservant-I have to respond to your post.
I went to Dallas with my highschool diploma waving in the wind and was offered two jobs as a department Director, both executive positions. I was working on my degree, but was no where near having it. I took with me my experience from my previous employer where I worked my way into the executive committee after one year of employment. My sister who is a brilliant person, and an ex-witness has had a different experience in the work field. I remember her crying out in field service the first time she had to 'take' a door at age nine.
Your point that people who did not like growing up a witness or simply did not look at the experience correctly, is not supported by anything but your own personal experience. Look around you at other people and you'll see that success is a highly personal accomplishment based upon many different factors. Personality is a big one, I tease my sister about being a (brilliant) nerd and she teases me about being a (charming) car salesman. We have both attained success ex-witness, but it has been how our personalities have adapted to the work environment, and how we are able to engage other people that has led us each down a different path-to the same spot..
I think you are being harsh and critical of the others on this thread. I defend every person who has posted here and thank them for being open and honest. I am sorry for the way you were raised. Raising any child away from society, keeping them from learning social skills and interpersonal relationship management is not responsible parenting. You just worked your way through it -as many survivors do (think: inner city kids, third world country children, survivors of abuse).
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JWD- Some of the Best Supportive Discussion I've Seen
by flipper init certainly is a diverse board we have here , isn't it ?
we all come from different backgrounds, walks of life, and had different experiences in growing up as children into adolescence.
so it should suffice to say, that we will all have a variety of takes on various issues that come up on the board.
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milligal
You know for me, just being able to speak about a subject (being raised a witness and df'd) is an enormous weight off my shoulders. I have walked around with this monkey on my back for many years and so many people do not get it. Even couselors and other professionals, they literally have to experience the JW phenomenon to believe it. So being open about a normally closed part of my life has been liberating.
With that being said I am studying pre-law and naturally love to debate. I really keep a close eye on myself because so many others do not enjoy this and frequently get offended by it. So I add where I can in any topic of interest as long as I'm not worried I'll be too tempted to debate an issue.
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growing up witness
by milligal ini grew up a witness and i never felt bad about my lack of material belongings a.k.a.
not having nice clothes in school, it didn't bother me that the other first graders were stuffing their faces with birthday cupcakes and i was in the school library researching fossils; but what did bother me?
my cool cousins.
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milligal
Robert; that is an interesting point. My successful worldly cousins have also never divorced-all five of them married later after they had their degrees and are still with their spouses. My witness siblings? Out of nine of us only two remain married to the original spouse-the other seven of us have divorced and remarried. It wasn't just financial hardship, there was a lot of emotional turnoil in our lives.