Posts by Jesika

For those of you who read my other thread about me wanting to go to a certain funeral service at the KH, well I didn't make it cause my son needed me that weekend.

For those of you who knew about the sister that I found out that passed away and was contimplating going to her grave, well, I did that today...........................Let me tell you why I am so hurt, and have always been in love with this woman...................

This was a "sister" in the KH who LOVED kids. She was the older woman who always sat in the 3rd row on the right side of the KH. You could almost see that seat say "reserved" for Oretha Roden. That was HER seat!!!!!!!

She was like Halloween to us kids EVERY meeting. She always had candy for us, no matter how bad or good the kids who would come to say hi to her. She loved us all.

I can tell you this, she is one, if not the ONLY person in my WHOLE life I can say that I have nothing but GOOD memories about. I have NO bad memories about her!!! She was a kind, loving, giving, nonjudgemental, etc person I have EVER known.

I wasn't told of her passing cause she was a JW, and the only people who knew she passed, that knew me were JW's.

So, I found out through Big Tex and Cruzanheart, that she died. They told me where she was buried. I didn't know what yr she passed away, but I knew it was at least 5-6yrs ago.

She was like the grandmother I NEVER had.

Today, I was passing by where she was buried. So, I turned into the cemetary. I went to the info office and asked where her lot was.

I was given a map and went looking for her.

I couldn't find her.

In looking for her, I felt alot of feelings, anticipation, excitement, apprehension, sadness, hurt, confused, happy, and others I can't explain.

I walked around for over an hour, and couldn't find her head stone.

I went back to the office and told them I couldn't find her. She had been buried in 1996!!!!!!!! I had NO IDEA it had been THAT LONG!!!!!!!! I had only found out about her passing 3-4 weeks ago.

So, the woman in the office, got a picture of the plot, and come to find out she was buried right next to her husband, who had died when I was 2yrs old, I never knew him. She was also buried right next to her daughter who had only lived 4days, and died. I never knew she had a daughter!!!!!!

So, after all these emotions were running through me, I finally had reality SLAP me in the face!!!

Her name on a head stone was staring me in the face..........the woman from the office said something.......I don't remember what she said, all I said was "thank you"................

I sat down, and drew a blank...............I didn't know what to say.

I started talking out loud.

As soon as I explained I was there to say "good-bye" since I wasn't given the chance..........I started crying.

I put down some candy on her head stone, explaining I was giving some of the candy she had always given us, back. I also put a small plastic bracelet, and a dinosaur toy.

All of my memories of her were from childhood, and I just wanted to give her something I thought would give her joy, and make her smile.

I don't know why, but I said........"I don't know if I believe in an after life, but if you can here me, I am glad you are with your husband and your daughter again. If you are really sleeping, I am glad you are in peace now. I wish I had the chance to say goodbye to you in person, and I hope you aren't mad that I am here since I am df'd, but I had to tell you that you are still in my heart and I love you. I wish you could have met my son, he would have loved you sooooooo much!!! You would have been a much better grandmother to my son than the one he has now, not my mother, but the other one. I guess what I am trying to say, is I love you and I always have, you never judged me, and I love you for that, just know that I know that. Well, I will visit you from time to time, and ..........well, good-bye.........."

She was born in 1920 and died 1996.

1996!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am soooooooooooooo sad that I couldn't tell her good-bye in person, I used to drive by her house just hoping I would see her outside!!!!!!!!!

I still don't know what she died of, but I am thinking it was old age. She meant so much to so many kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oretha Roden, you will be in my heart FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jes

44

The Ultimate APOSTATE SURVEY!!! Check it out!! please respond!! ^_^

by NaruNaruChan in

jw
friends

ok, we all get them in the mail, but here's one geared towards us that i just wrote up.

feel free to add to it, as i'd love for it to go around a bit ^_^ .

copy and paste this into your response box because i just wrote it and i figure whattheheck, this could be good!!!

Jesika

THE ULTIMATE APOSTATE SURVEY!

What is your name? Jesika
Where were you born? Toledo,Ohio USA
Were u raised as a JW? yes
If you converted to JW later in life, why?
When were you baptized a JW? 1989
When were you disfellowshipped, or disassociated, and for what? DF'd in 1990 for lying, profanity, and "loose conduct".
Are you Married? no
Did you ever pioneer/aux pioneer? How long? yes Aux pio for about a month before I was df'd and reg pio'ed with my parents for about 6yrs (something like that).
If you are Dfed or D A ed, do any active witnesses still talk to you in secret? no
Which teachings of the WTBTS do you disagree with the most? 2 eye witnesses to rape or molestation.
Which Teachings of the WTBTS do you agree with still? can't think of anything right now.
If you could take any of it back, would u? no, it has made me the person I am today.
What was your worst experience at the door in the field service? Running into classmates at the door.
What was your best experience in field service? When noone answered, and when we would take break for ice cream.
What was the last memorial u attended? It was in 1991.
What is one thing you wish you could say now that your eyes have been opened to an active witness? anything if they would listen.
Did you have to go through therapy after leaving? yes
how did you deprogram yourself from WT thinking? I was df'd at the age of 15, so it was mostly rebellion, after 12yrs I still have some deprogramming to do.
Has anyone else quit the religion because you left? no, but they left on their own which is just as good.
What’s the craziest thing you ever heard at the kingdom hall? Been too long since I have been, can't recall. Hell, all of it--lol.
Have you spoken to any witnesses who came to your door after you were Dfed about what you know now? no, I used to tell them I was df'd right away, but I won't do that now, I hope they come knocking.
What teachings do you think the society should throw out? Boy, that's a LONG list.
What did you do to your literature after you quit? Burned it or left it with my parents.
Have you been to an APOSTAFEST, and was it fun? I have been to quite a few, and they are ALWAYS fun.
Did you go sex crazy when you left? yes, I was a teenager.
Did you dye your hair, get a tattoo, or pierce yourself? yes, yes, and yes.
Have you picketed a convention yet, or will you? no, and don't know.
Do you have any regrets? ummmmm, only that my best friend didn't leave with me.
Do you think you will ever recover fully? yes
Would you ever go back? HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

88

Ever have an affair????????????????

by jurs in

jw
friends

i've been married 14 long years to a real s.o.b.

and i think i might just take that plunge.

i was having a drink at a bar last week with a gal i work with.

Jesika

Jurs,

To be honest, yes I have cheated before. I felt no guilt for it either, because the person I was with was making me miserable. I did end up leaving shortly afterwards.

On the other hand, I have cheated before when I was with someone I cared about and it was a HUGE mistake and I felt horrible about it, but never did it again.

Basically, you are the only one who can decide what you think is best for you. No matter how much advice you get from us.

Just take the advice that has been given over and over again.........STAY SAFE!!! Go to the sex store/shop and get some protection. Women should be just as prepared as men these days, just in case you find yourself in a sexual situation.

Jes

23

At last!

by leddfootdja in

i registered 2 months ago but never received the email with a password.

i thought the admin had something against me!.

anyway, male 28 y/o ex-jw as of 7 years ago from the sterling heights(detroit), mi area.

Jesika

Welcome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

55

What parents need to know...

by SheilaM in

jw
friends

today on montel he is discussing a subject i just did a speech on yesterday.

it's about the medication of children for adhd.

1. that ritalin is a class ii drug and is on the same as cocaine.

Jesika

Without getting into grave detail, I just want to say, my x husband and I have been stuggling for over 4 yrs with my son.

We tried every kind of discipline or punishment we could come up with. It got to the point where we could never do anything fun with our son for months at a time cause he was always in trouble.

It would take him 3hrs to do simple (to him it was simple too) homework, but he just couldn't stay focused.

So, after trying EVERYTHING else, and I do mean everything, we looked into the meds. I was firmly against it, at first.

My x husband told me if we didn't like it we could always take him off the meds. So, when he said that I agreed to give it a try, but if either one of us wanted my son to stop, we wouldn't give him the meds anymore.

I am by no means exaggerating when I say my son did a 180!!!!!

He was finishing his work, wasn't in the office anymore (he was in the office at least once a day), and would finish his homework quickly or at school if he finished his other work early.

I am not a lazy, want the easy way out kind of parent. His father is a very good, stern, loving parent. We were both left scratching our heads cause we had tried everything else, our last choice, that took us over 4yrs to try, were meds.

My son still isn't thrilled about going to school, he is a 9yr old, so he would rather be home playing on his playstation, which is normal.

But now my son can have fun at school, and he is proud of himself for finishing his work and not getting into trouble all the time. I honestly know that my son was trying his hardest to behave, but just couldn't focus.

I don't want him on meds all his life, and my x husband and I have talked about maybe giving him something he thinks is his meds, like a sugar pill or something, to see if it is really the meds that are still helping, or if he is ready to stop taking them and can do it on his own. For now, it is working and he is getting the help he needs.

I personally don't see anything wrong with it, if as a parent, you have exhausted all other avenues, and they still aren't working. We went over 4yrs trying different things, I think that is plenty of time, if not too much time, to make sure you have tried to do it the "old fashioned way".

My son is happy, we are happy, and in the future, well I don't know what that holds but I am hoping that the meds won't be needed anymore. If they are needed, then we will just take things as they come to us. I won't deny my son help if he really needs it.

Jes

20

quick intro

by LP_gurl in

jw
friends

i just recently found this forum and found it very interesting to read.

i'm not a jw nor have i ever been.

i grew up in a christian home and was always told not to accept flyers or magazines from jw's.

Jesika

Welcome to the board hon!!!!!!!!!

I am glad you decided to investigate the religion before converting. Stick around and read some more.

Looking forward to hearing more from you.

Love,

Jes

35

BOOM BLOODY BOOM! It Doesn't Get Any Better Than This!

by Englishman in

jw
friends

it happened all on the same day.. firstly, a fine bouncing first grandson!

his name is charlie hooper, and he arrived yesterday weighing in at 7 pounds 13 ounces.

he's pink and round and absolutely delightful.

Jesika

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

32

Ok, I NEVER post about anything having to do with god or the bible, but....

by Jesika in

i was in chat a few days ago, and the topic of god came up.

i was trying to understand how people can still believe in one.

now, just wanted you to know where this ?

Jesika

I was in chat a few days ago, and the topic of god came up. I was trying to understand how people can still believe in one. That is not my ? now, just wanted you to know where this ? is coming from.

My question is..............What is sprituality???

Some say they have been abused spirtually, I can honestly say I have NO IDEA what that means.

Anytime I prayed I never felt any "connection" to anything other than me talking to myself. Hell, I can talk myself into something or out of something, but that doesn't mean a "higher power/god" had anything to do with whether I did the right thing or the wrong thing. It is my choice, and when I write things down or talk them out, I can see what the right thing is, but to me that is common sense. (should I steal the candy?? yes or no?)

So, basically what is spirtuallity?? Is it that warm glow you get all over when you pray? I never felt that, or does it mean I just don't get it?

When I hear people in chat, on the board, on tv, or in person talk about their spirit, I have no connection to what feeling they are talking about.

Am I just dense???

Please don't give me scriptures to look up, I get a quezzy feeling in my stomach when I even touch the bible anymore.

I just want to know what it is.

Jes

11

I never thought in a million years..

by thegentleman in

jw
friends

that i would love a jw gal.. deep down i am a hopeless romantic at heart.

i had given her a heart-shaped necklace and i told her "that this symbolizes me giving my heart to you".

we have been through good times and bad , maybe its just me, i go all out when i'm passionate about something.

Jesika

I have seen this many times since I have been a member here.

The only thing I can tell you, is if she is unwilling to break away from the holds of the religion, I would suggest you move on. A JW won't change unless they want to.

How old are you? and how old is this girl?

I know you think it doesn't matter, but it gives us a better outlook on her mentallity, being most of us were JW's before and can give you the insight she won't give you.

I hope and wish you the best, you sound like a nice guy. I just don't want to see you waisting your time, and if we can help you make a decision, or give you the insight you need, at least you know you did try to understand where she is coming from.

In my opinion, if she is willing to be around people who tear her down, she is the one that has to make the choice to walk away from them, whether you are in her life or not.

Jes