Here’s one for the sisters.
[School Overseer] Next on the school is the number three talk, given by Sister Nolonger N. Doctrinated. Her householder is Sister Faith Filtadeth, a new sister from Finland. The material is taken from the Reasoning Book, page 162. The theme is “If Adam Had Not Sinned, Would He Eventually Have Gone to Heaven?” and her setting is a Laundromat.
[The sisters take the stage, each carrying a small basket of clothing]
Sister: “Hello, is this machine taken?”
Householder: “No, go right ahead.”
Sister: “Thank you.”
Householder: “Do you mind if I ask you a question?”
Sister: “Sure, what is it?
Householder: “Well, I usually like to discuss abstract, meaningless, philosophical questions while doing laundry, so I thought I’d ask: “If Adam had not sinned, would he eventually have gone to heaven?”
Sister: “I’m glad you asked that. Let’s use my basket of clothing as an example. You see that it is mostly full of white clothes, right?”
Householder: “Yes, but I see that there are a couple of red articles in there, as well.”
Sister: “Exactly. What would happen if I threw all these clothes into the washing machine and dumped in some bleach with it?”
Householder: “Why, the red clothes would ruin all the white clothes. I see what you’re saying. When Adam sinned he…”
Sister: “Now let me ask you something else, which do you think would contaminate the load more, this…” [holding up red T-shirt] “Or this…” [holds up scarlet-colored thongs for the audience to see]
Householder: [flipping through note cards nervously] “Uh…”
Sister: “You’d say that the T-shirt would be worse for the laundry, because it is larger, and contains more dye to run onto the white clothing, right?”
Householder: [whispering too loudly] “This isn’t in the outline you gave me.”
Sister: “It’s interesting because the Society, when laying out the blood-ban policy that millions of Witnesses would live—and possibly die by—used the size of the components to help determine whether they were acceptable or not.”
Householder: “Really?”
Sister: [Holding aloft red T-shirt] “They now allow some components, like albumin, which makes up about 2.2% of the total blood volume. But they forbid other components, like platelets, even though they’re much smaller, by volume (only 0.17%) than albumin.”
[Sister Doctrinated is now whirling the red thongs over her head for the audience to see]
Pre-pubescent brother in the audience: “Oh Heavenly Father. I’m in love.”
Sister: “Would you leave a life-and-death decision like this up to a group of men who make and change their policies based on whim… who use no discernable form of logic, and certainly no Spiritual Inspiration, to decide your fate?”
Householder: “You know, I never thought of it like that”
Sister: “Next week maybe we can meet again and discuss how loving it is to shun family members who come to disagree with policies like this.”
Householder: “I’d like that.”
School Overseer: “Sister, you were working on ‘audience contact, and use of notes.’ I’m going to mark you “G” on that…”
Hmmm