My son is in the same situation and we had a good talk again yesterday. He feels so much like a wounded warrior with PTSD. He can't sleep, his emotional imbalances are evident as it has affected his physical functions. Can't work, his mind is always racing, feels guilty although he is at the point he knows the pain of loss spiritually. He wants to believe yet he wants nothing to do with the society. He is a lost soul in my estimation and there is nothing much I can do but to listen and agree because I too have had soul searching .. and I can't fault him at all.
In essence, we are trapped - I was not brought up in the truth but he was - I can see things differently and don't feel the depression he does, I do feel the hypocrisy and lies and deception but I feel I can handle that - he has lost faith and that can be very tramautic so I tread carefully.
You on the other hand, you have a family to deal with and must tread carefully there too, and it will be a weight on your shoulders - be willing to get help from competent medical staff if you need it. You spiritual and mental health will be key to overcoming this - it will not leave you for a long time.. We are all ingrained and it may take years to get over. Love the kids and wife - take them with you everywhere, don't leave them alone - rekindle what you had and make them your first priority as your mind will fall into place as time goes on as you see them respond to your attention.