Posts by VIII

Sorry for the formatting on that article, as I copied and pasted it looked OK; when I looked at it, part of it turned blue with underlines and I can't figure out how to Undo that portion.

Over the years, I have grown more impatient with everyone. Then I realize that I probably have annoyed people just as much as they have annoyed me and I don't want to do that. So, while I try not to be rude, I also try to be polite and not have people think I'm rude.

I don't want to tell people they are being rude unless they ask specifically for my opinion. I especially don't want to confront strangers. Doing that during FS all those years taught me that I am not good at it and growing up where I am has taught me survival.

I purchased a book on etiquette. It is the 17th edition of Emily Post's book simply called Etiquette. Page 37 has *The Art of Responding* to Rudeness. Below is from her book:

The decision is whether to respond or not. It all depends on the type of rudeness. Most people are loath to challenge rudeness because they're fearful that even a minor confrontation might easily escalate; in fact, a national survey conducted by Public Agenda showed that most of those who've been offended just walk away.

How do you go about speaking up if you're determined to take a stand? Very carefully. Responding in kind (i.e., answering with something just as bad) serves only to spur more unacceptable behavior, which can then spin out of control. There's also the safety issue to consider, even with someone you know. Getting into a tangle with a person prone to violence could put you into real danger.

The lesson here is to kill them with kindness. By keeping your cool, you're teaching by example, much as a parent does for a child. Good behavior is catching; the more you display it, the more it spreads. This doesn't mean becoming a doormat; it does mean you can defuse a situation without wrangling over who's right or wrong.

Sometimes, sympathizing with the other person--just expressing your understanding of why an incident occurred--is all it takes. On an airplance, for example, you politely tell a parent that his youngster is kicking the back of your seat and the parent comes back with an angry retort. Your calm response: "Please don't shout. I know the space is tight and kids will be kids, but, your daughter has been kicking my seat since we boarded. I'd really appreciate it if you would ask her to stop. Thanks."

Other things to consider when someont has been rude to you:

Don't automatically take it personally. Sometimes the offender has had a terrible day or is simply in a bad mood. Give them the benefit of the doubt by imagining what they may be going through.

Size up your annoyances. Sometimes it is simply bes to let things go. Will making a point to the person who's using her credit card in a line with too-big--to-miss sign that says "Cash Only" accomplish anything or will it be a waste of your emotional energy?

Take responsibility for your own emotions. Ask yourself whether you did something to provoke the treatment. If you speak sharply to a bank teller because you had a bad day, it's no wonder you won't get the best service.

Mentally count to ten. Whenever someone else's behavior makes you angry, forget about them and focus on yourself or something else for a few seconds. Take a few deep breaths and ask yourself, "Is it really worth blowing my stack over this?"

Use Humor. Countering a friend's comment that "you look terrible" with a sarcastic retort like "How kind of you to say so." is preferable to "Well you look pretty bad yourself." Another tactic is to laugh it off--literally. Just chuckle and change the subject.

-------------------

The book has more.

I have dealt with the kid kicking me on an airplane and it worked fine. The parent was very nice and the child stopped. For a little while. I figured a little while was better than not at all. The Mom kept trying to get the kid to stop and when the drink cart came along that distracted the little tyke. Thank god.

6

Radical Civility--Can Rudeness Ever Be Polite?

by VIII in

jw
friends

can rudeness ever be polite?

(the answer is no).

as for the bad news, my lovely wife and i witnessed something that shows how those who demand civility risk committing the worst sort of incivility.

VIII

Can Rudeness Ever be Polite? (The Answer is NO)

As for the bad news, My Lovely Wife and I witnessed something that shows how those who demand civility risk committing the worst sort of incivility. On Saturday night we went to a Thai restaurant on Rockville Pike that we'd never been to before. It was not a fancy place and it was immediately apparent it was popular with families.

A toddler in a nearby booth gave off an ear-splitting banshee wail periodically, the sort of noise a kid makes just because he likes to make that noise. Neither parent seemed much interested in saying, "Inside voice" or "Honey, please don't do that."

On the other side of us was a table filled with several families, and kids ranging from 6 or 7 down to a newborn baby. I really hadn't noticed them until a 50ish woman at a table across from ours wheeled around in her chair and shouted at the children: "Will you be quiet! This isn't a @*ing McDonald's!"

My wife and I stared at each other slackjawed. First of all, it sort of was a @*ing McDonald's. I mean, there were waiters and a nice decor but the fact that it was filled with families suggested it was a place that welcomed them. Secondly, the kids weren't being that bad. But most importantly, screaming at other people's children--swearing at them--is rude. It's ruder than being a noisy kid.

The woman, who was dining with a man, kept muttering about how poorly-behaved the kids were. "It's not the kids' fault," she kept saying. "I blame the parents."

A woman from the other table came over and said in a reasonable voice that she didn't like the way the woman had spoken to her children. "I'll talk to them however I like," the aggrieved woman screamed back. "It's after 8 o'clock. I should be able to enjoy a nice meal without them waking me up."

"Waking me up"?

To her credit, the mom didn't escalate. She walked calmly back to her seat.

My wife decided that the complaining woman was drunk. That wouldn't excuse her behavior, though it might explain it. What could she have done differently? I suppose she could have asked the server if they might move to a different table, though given the numerous families I don't think anywhere was kid-free. I suppose she could have made a reasonable and specific request to a grown-up at the other table: "This little boy is kicking my chair. Can he trade seats with you?" Or something like that.

But, really, I think she should have just ignored it, just as my wife and I ignored the jungle-bird shriek of the toddler near our booth. Asking someone to be civil by being rude destroys any credibility you might have. Also, when it's something involving kids, the stakes are immediately higher. There are very few good ways of telling someone you think he or she is a bad parent. Impromptu parenting tips should be delivered in only he most dire circumstances: "Sir, I wish you wouldn't beat your daughter in the grocery store." "Ma'am, I'm worried that by playing on the escalator, your son may lose a digit."

Something similar happened when I was at a hardware store over the weekend. I had to buy some rust-proofing primer and spray paint and as I was finishing up with the cashier I heard an older man nearby grumble loudly: "Don't take bags. Don't take bags." I think he was speaking to those of us in line. He sounded really mad, then he said to a woman next to him "They take those bags and they're just going to throw them away when they get home."

He must have meant the plastic bags the cashiers were putting our purchases in. I guess the old was worried about the environment. Well, good for him. But admonishing strangers in line not to take bags--in an exasperated tone of voice that was not at all friendly--is not going to bring people around to his cause.

These incidents reminded me that Radical Civility shouldn't be used as a way of expressing superiority or browbeating someone else. They also reminded me that sometimes you have to just grin and bear it, whether it's a kid you think is being annoying or people putting their newly-bought cans of spray paint in a plastic bag.

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/commons/2009/07/being_rude_to_be_polite.html

This column seems timely.

53

Times I've confronted people (strangers) for being rude...

by Kudra in

jw
friends

here are two instances where i had had enough and confronted people when they were being rude.

was i over the top??

instance 1.. i was at the supermarket and there was a group of kids (~17-19 years old), wanna-be hoodlums, hangin out in the produce section and two or so of them were eating sunflower seeds and spiting them on the floor.. i said in a loud voice (i was ~10 ft away) "hey- are you throwing shit on the floor?!

VIII

Growing up and being in a city (Chicago), will get you shot. Literally. There are certain people and certain areas of town where, if you do catch someone's eye, it is considered confrontational and will definitely get you a bullet.

So, what makes for a pleasant encounter on one side of town will get you shot on another. You have to know when to keep your head down.

I try to treat people how I want to be treated. That is what it comes down to. If I act like a jerk, I can expect those around me to be jerks. Usually.

On a larger level, regarding neighbors, people in stores, etc., I can't control them. I can be polite. I say "Excuse me", "May I", "Please", "Thank You", and other terms I learned in college.

I didn't learn polite or good behavior from my parents. My dad was gone and my JW mother was waiting for the end of the world. I learned, in college business classes, that to get ahead in the world, treating people *nicely* would get you far. They were right.

53

Times I've confronted people (strangers) for being rude...

by Kudra in

jw
friends

here are two instances where i had had enough and confronted people when they were being rude.

was i over the top??

instance 1.. i was at the supermarket and there was a group of kids (~17-19 years old), wanna-be hoodlums, hangin out in the produce section and two or so of them were eating sunflower seeds and spiting them on the floor.. i said in a loud voice (i was ~10 ft away) "hey- are you throwing shit on the floor?!

VIII

So, were you in menopause or on your period in either case?

I only ask because that seems to be the blanket excuse when female confrontation occurs? ( I did read that thread about the library, btw)

Personally, confronting teenagers, in this day and age, could get you shot. I wouldn't. Telling people how they should act never seems like a good idea.

Which is different from intervening if you see someone being hurt or someone in need of help.

Trying to get people to act to my personal standard of what I feel is *good behavior* is a waste of energy.

18

If no organized religion existed, would Bible principles work for you?

by The Berean in

none, a few, most, nearly all?.

examples ....

VIII

Which bible principles?

Give me the list then I'll decide. As noted by MissingLink some of them would land you in jail.

BTW, I haven't coveted anything of my neighbors or killed anyone. At least today.

Also, some of my neighbors, I'll admit, I don't love as myself. They are not *great* neighbors. As *great* neighbors go. So, do I forgive them their faults? Ummm, no. I decided that they are jerks and idiots.

So, all in all, some of those principles don't work all the time.

Will I not go to Heaven? Will I burn in Hell? Will I not make it through the GT?

I just wish I knew.

8

How do you stop a Dub preaching at you,in a nice way?

by wobble in

i ask for my sister in law.

she grew up in the dubs,never baptised,left in late teens.. she is now carer for her mum who is a lifelong dub with dementia.

a nice old bro.

VIII

Tell her to tell him that the two things NOT to talk about are:

1. Religion

2. Politics

If he wants to continue a conversation about say, LCD or Plasma screen TVs, great. If not, tell her to tell him she is busy, don't offer him a drink and open the front door in an invite to LEAVE.

Honestly, she is opening herself up to this crap. Plus, this JW is getting free Witnessing time, sitting on his ass, preaching to her. He is, no doubt, counting his 1 hour of time on his time card.

She needs to stand up for herself and realize that since this dweeb is taking advantage for his gain in Field Service time it is doing nothing for her.

BTW, there is no nice way to tell a JW to stop preaching. A door slammed in the face is about the nicest way I recall.

21

How do you know when someone LOVES you?

by The Berean in

jw
friends

i suppose the english word "love" has many meanings according to individual needs and experience.

the questions are for me: if love is unilateral or an interactive relationship?

is unrequited love none-the-less rewarding?

VIII

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

12

Jehovah's Witnesses at Hampton convention urge all to 'Keep on the Watch'

by insearchoftruth in

dailypress.comhamptonjehovah's witnesses at hampton convention urge all to 'keep on the watch'by prue salasky.

9:35 pm edt, july 9, 2009. the first of two district conventions for jehovah's witnesses in southeastern virginia starts today at the hampton coliseum.

this weekend's gathering, which is expected to draw a crowd of 5,500, takes place over three days.. .

VIII

Ha ha ha ha ha ha

Ahhhh, it's too funny given that a few weeks ago my Mom sent me her "Keep on the Watch, the GT is starting and Armageddon is right around the corner" e-mail, she decided to go out and purchase her first LCD, HDTV.

And, she's going to get HD service from her cable provider.

I guess she wants to see, very clearly, all those news reports of the end of this wicked system of things.

Nothing like watching birds eating people's eyes and buildings collapsing in full 1080p!

76

Insane Email From My JW Mother

by daniel-p in

jw
friends

she starts out with some banal stuff about where they want to move, etc, then, she launches into this:.

that brings up something i wanted to tell you in person but itseems that i am not going to be able to do that very soon.

i amhoping to throw some light on what has happened within our familyesp during the time we were over there.. it has become very apparent to us now that during that time period from early spring on, in 200[x], satan launched an all-out attack on our family, son.

VIII

daniel-p, the marriage issue is interesting. I married a worldly and I regulary get questioned on how my marriage is doing.

The questioning is in the form of "how is XYZ? Ok? Really? And you two and not having any issues in your marriage? That is so surprising given how long you are married. Every couple has issues. I am just so surprised. You can always tell me about anything. I am always here for you."

This happens weekly and has for years.

Now, given that she is a viper and out to break up my marriage, which I determined years ago, I wouldn't tell her if I were being poisened. I just wouldn't. I would figure it out and fix it on my own.

She wants my marriage to fail so I can move in with her so she has someone to help her in her old age. Even me, a fader. She made that clear a few years ago.

Creepy.

The angry at Jehovah issue comes up regarding any family disagreement. Recently, a relative who was DFd started saying she was physically abused as a child. Now my Mom is saying my cousin is saying that because she is *Angry at Jehovah*.

Again, they must learn that catch phrase somewhere and use it to blame the victim and take away the victims ability to point the finger at the perp. Angry at Jehovah. Arrrggghhh. I hate that phrase.