happpyexjw

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Posts by happpyexjw

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  3

  Something I found useful

  by outbackaussie in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  when i was mostly recovered from being a jw i found i was pretty angry and following from that, wanted to "save" my family that were still in.

  i have a wonderful husband who is eminently logical and thoughtful, somewhat the opposite of me.

  we used to have lengthy discussions about family and responsibility and suchlike.

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  happpyexjw

  I agree with Panzer and Hubert. When I decided to leave, I said nothing to my children (ages 16 and 21) in defense of my decision. I never encouraged them to leave. I simply moved on and started living. I got married again, celebrated holidays, enrolled in college, etc. It wasn't long before my kids joined me in freedom. We are all much happier now. It is very tempting to try and "convince" others we love to see the light, but in my opinion there is a risk involved if you do. They will feel defensive and the wts conditioning will cause them to think you are a threat to all they have been taught is life-saving. Patience is important. Good luck!
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  15

  Seattle's Brother Curtis Thompson sentenced to LIFE in PRISON for rapes

  by Nathan Natas in

  1. watchtower
  2. scandals

  http://www.examiner.com/x-257-seattle-crime-examiner~y2009m3d24-psychorapist-gets-life-in-prison.

  psycho-rapist gets life in prison.

  march 24, 3:05 pm.

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  happpyexjw

  Sad, but true
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  25

  wife asked me a good question about control mechanism of DFing.....

  by oompa in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  when i told her i would never go back and meetings make me sick, i mentioned how df was a control mechanism meant to keep people in the org.......and that was when i told her i really dont want to be df'd.

  i prob should have said it was used to keep people in line....actually should have never told her what i thought df was.......cause the conversation was already bad....... but she asked "why would the gb use it or view it as a "control mechanism?

  " what would be their motive?...i have always been taught it is just the bibles way of keeping the cong.

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  happpyexjw

  LeavingWT you have said it well. I was never DF'd myself, but left in the manner I did so as not to experience it. No one in their right mind wants to experience such a harsh punishment. I personally witnessed the effects of this practice on a number of my own relatives. It is a brutal way to try and control others and can leave lasting emotional scars. Now that I am out, I wonder how I could have ever tolerated such terrible treatment of others. It makes me feel ashamed of myself.

  The sad part of this situation for Oompa and others in similar situations is that it can be next to impossible to reach someone who is simply not ready to hear the real truth. All of us were carefully groomed to see such attempts by unbelievers to be further proof that they have the "truth." If someone writes you a letter urging you to leave, you are to immediately destroy it. You must never read or listen to anti-witness materials. Others are evil and out to destroy your faith in God and so on. This is a technique used to control the minds and actions of people who are afraid to lose what for many is the only way of life they know. The fear of losing that way of life, no matter how unfulfilling, is powerful.

  Oompa, you mentioned in a different post that you are drinking way too much. With all kindness and love, I would ask you to think about how that has played into the way you have been interacting with your wife. If you lose control and attack, she will immediately go into defensive mode and that gets you nowhere. Try to avoid confrontations and try being kind and patient with her. She is afraid of losing you, her whole way of life and at this point is unable to hear what you are telling her. Give it a rest for a while and look for ways to let her know you love her. Subtlety is the way to go I think.

  I wish you peace.
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  16

  Left the WT but why the contuinued faith in an invisible God?

  by donny in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ok, now here's a question for the other side.

  when you finally discovered enough information that resulted in your leaving the watchtower bible and tract society's organization, what convinced you that you just needed to replace it with a better more believanle version instead of questioning the whole concept of an invisible god?.

  is it that you find the idea of no afterlife to hard to deal with?

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  happpyexjw

  Don,

  I can really feel for your dilemna since I have experienced some of the same questions. I have taken little steps toward various churches and then backed away because frankly, I just see problems with all of them. Right now, I am just developing my own "spiritual self" and looking for answers to what this life is all about in the here and now. For me, that is working and has given me some inner peace. Ultimately, my only concern at this point is to live my life in a way that doesn't cause unnecessary hurt or pain for others and not do things that feel wrong or immoral to me. This kind of thinking makes JWs crazy as they think it is too "me" centered, but I refuse to let others tell me any more what is right or wrong since that is how I got sucked in to the wts in the first place. Take your time and good luck in your search.
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  30

  If its not the way. Which way is?

  by maryacclaim in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i read a lot of the topics and subjects in this forum, and can't help but to ask, if the witnesses ideas are not the way, then which way is?.

  i was a witness for over 25 years and have been out of the organization for over 3 years now.

  yet, i have a hard time seeing anyone else's way as the right way to go.

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  happpyexjw

  Mary, welcome to this forum. I just discovered it myself recently and have found the posters on here to be very interesting and helpful. Sometimes I agree with them and sometimes I don't. Most importantly though, I have found a place where I can freely express my questions, thoughts and opinions without being judged or attacked -- a freedom one does not have withing the wts.

  I left the organization in 1990. I was not kicked out -- I simply went away. I have experienced many of the same questions you have described. I am still pondering many of the answers even now. I am wary of organized religion, not because of fear of the wts, but rather a reluctance to accept another organization's package of beliefs. There are many ideas that are a part of mainstream churches that I personally have difficulty with. I have learned to be patient with myself and try the best I can to live my life in a way that does no harm to others. I think we all have a sort of moral compass that tells us what is right and wrong, and that is what I do my best to follow these days.

  I look for the spiritual in life and have learned to enjoy the feeling I get when I enter ancient churches for example, or bask in the majesty of nature. These things help me to realize that I am but a small part of a much greater universe. If there is a God I believe he will reach out to me at some point and help me to find him. In the meantime, I am learning to think for myself and enjoy all that this life has to offer, not forcing belief in anything someone tells me I must believe.

  One thing I have learned from this forum is that each of us must find our own way to heal from our wts experience, some more quickly than others, but all in our own way. Here you will find support and ideas to help you along the way. I wish you peace and comfort Mary.
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  25

  I am so sick of hearing the word "soon."

  by TooBad TooSad in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  the use of the word "soon" at the kh is used so much by jw's.

  that it has almost turned into a "soon" doctrine.. i counted the word soon 15 times at the meeting yesterday during the.

  public talk and wt.

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  happpyexjw

  I remember being heartbroken when an older sister said my fiance and I would never marry -- the new system would be here before that happened. That was in 1965. When my first daughter was born I believed she would never start school -- that was in 1967. None of us went to college, saved for retirement or planned for the future in general because this system was ending soon. Many of those who were waiting for "soon" have long since died penniless and after many years of doing without while waiting for soon. Sad...
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  18

  What are some of the 'good' things you learned during and after being a Jehovah's Witness?

  by Dune in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  my problems with the wtbs have always been their doctrine and their absolute control of the rank and file, not the principles that they and most mainstream religions teach.

  i grew up in a predominantly black urban metropolitan area that had a high crime rate and drug usage.

  when i go back to my old neighborhood, i always hear about how some of my peers are drug addicts, incarcerated or dead.

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  happpyexjw

  Interesting question Dune. I did learn some good things during my time with wts. Was active in the school and had many parts on the meetings and at conventions. The ability to speak before large audiences has been a very valuable life skill. I learned to talk to all kinds of people and a lot about persuasion. In a weird way, standing up for unpopular beliefs made me a stronger person, I think, even though I now reject many of those beliefs.

  I also think that fear of violating the rules of conduct spared me a lot of trouble (I grew up in the 60s when drugs were becoming very popular). I never fell into the smoking and drinking stuff that many teens get into. Do I think this made me better than them? I did then, but I don't now -- I'm just glad I was spared that misery in my life.

  Some things I would change, like getting a college education for example, but the JWs did help me avoid some problems. On the other hand, maybe I would have stayed out of trouble anyway. Who knows?
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  34

  How Have YOU Changed Since Leaving The Witnesses?

  by minimus in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  are you that much different now?.

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  happpyexjw

  I've changed a lot. I used to be very judgemental towards others. I think it may me feel like I was better because I was "walking the walk" and someone else wasn't. I was never outwardly cruel or mean to anyone, but I thought everyone should follow the rules.

  My own experiences in life have taught me that most people try to do the right thing, and that my ideas about the best way to live or do things are not the only way. I guess you could say I have a "live and let live," attitude these days.

  I now live for today and for the future and have quit putting off what is important to me in order to wait for a paradise that is yet to come. I got the ducation I was denied as a young person, and in fact have kept learning and will continue to do so. I have opened myself up to meeting lots of new people and traveling to other countries whenver possible. I enjoy life a lot more than I ever did as a witness.
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  15

  Mennoite Article (about SHUNNING) now on watchtower.org

  by V in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  http://www.watchtower.org/e/20050901/article_01.htm.

  we cannot do as you ask, replied one of the family heads.

  those people came to teach us the bible.

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  happpyexjw

  Oh my goodness...Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. This is so compelling. Thanks for sharing.
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  36

  How did you feel about attending another church?

  by digderidoo in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  this question is for those who have attended another church since leaving the jw's.. i have considered attending a local church, firstly out of curiosity and secondly because i do enjoy discussing the bible with people and learning new thoughts on scripture.. the only thing that stops me though is crossing that line.

  i guess it was a bit like when i first posted here, it took me ages to pluck up the courage and now what was the big deal?.

  did anyone else have this feeling before attending another church, that feeling of crossing the line of no return.

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  happpyexjw

  So interesting to see others' experiences regarding church. On occassion I've visited other churches and have liked some better than others. What I have enjoyed most is visiting the cathedrals of Europe and such things as Evensong (vespers) which my husband and I enjoyed emmensely. I agree with another poster here who said there is something about being in that 1,000 year old church, a place that has been used to worship God for so long that is pretty awe-inspiring. The truth is though, I have trouble with some teachings like trinity (makes no sense to me), hellfire, etc so would be hesitant to actually join anything. I guess even after being out for some 18 years, I am still trying to sort out what my own beliefs are about God, faith and the Bible's place in my own life. At least now I can accept others as they are and not judge them (even JWs) based on what they believe. For me, if I learn nothing else in life, this is important to becoming a decent human being.