Dagney,
I understand your situation full well. I do not understand some dogmatic people that condemned me for just saying that I would respect my mother's wishes. They are usually the ones that are short-sighted and dogmatic about everything.
My mother is well into her nineties. They would challenge that I am a creep because I wouldn't transfuse her, but would have no problem with me signing a "do not resusitate order."
I think each case is different, and most people can STFU about their opinions.
JK