Posts by sd-7

630

SAD news about OOMPA......

by redredrose in

jw
friends

our friend, oompa, has passed away.

just recieved the news a couple of hours ago, and have almost no details.

it happened today or yesterday, he took his own life.

I can't believe it. Me and Oompa didn't start off on the best footing here, back when I first joined up, but I definitely kept an eye out for him and could tell he was suffering an awful lot because of the cult and...everything. I just can't believe it. As someone who's been through hell and back myself, I know how easy it is to fall into that abyss, to want to end it all. I just can't believe it.

It underscores why we're all here. The Watchtower Society must be fought, even if it can never be defeated entirely. It was surely a major factor in his fate.

At the same time, more objectively, it's also depression that underlies it all. As someone who deals with a mild form of it myself, it reminds me of the need to try hard to leave the door open to others, to seek out a listening ear--and hopefully be that listening ear for someone else in their time of need. He deserved a full and happy life. I can only hope that somewhere in there, he knew he was loved, by someone, somewhere, somehow. I never knew him beyond this site, and yet it is as if I did. It was an honor to know him.

--sd-7

64

Apostasy Trial - Part 4

by RayPublisher in

the second 45 minute video is now online:.

.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zcvocgamqg&feature=youtu.be.

sd-7

One thing I noticed that was said by an elder that I neglected to comment on before was that he knew of people who'd become 'apostates' and he said "they're all miserable". Really? All of them? How do you know? Do you keep in touch with all of them?

I was thinking, this is a lot like the abusive husband who hits his wife and says, "That's for trying to leave me! If you leave, you're going to be miserable!" So of course, it's better to stay and be abused further, right?

Either way, I don't know of many who would not find themselves just a little miserable if they spent decades of time, energy, money, maybe even risked their lives and then found out it was all for nothing. Tends to frak with your emotions a little. And even if you did continue to believe their teachings, would you really, truly be happy? I can't recall very many times of happiness in my 20+ years as a born-in. One thing I noticed in reading my journals from the past was that I rarely ever spoke about my religious beliefs or religious life. I was always writing about things that made me happy, things I was interested in. But most of the time, it wasn't about being a JW. Unless it was about the stress, the pressure, the gossip, the feelings of inadequacy and of trying to convince myself of something.

Hey, it's no picnic, but mostly that's because the abuse doesn't end if you're still stuck in the same orbit with JWs. I'd be far less miserable if I never had to see them again in life.

As always, this is a typical example of their m.o., as someone here wisely put it: create a problem, then present themselves as the solution.

--sd-7

41

Apostasy Trial - Part 5

by RayPublisher in

well part 5 was just put up on youtube!

this is the third 45 minute segment of the 3+ hour meeting.

topics covered include:.

sd-7

Well, mine was nearly 5 hours, by my reckoning, in 3 different meetings, but I don't think I touched on even half as many issues as you did, Ray. Then again, mine was bundled with my wife's and our collective fornication charges, so that could explain the longer time. Except they probably only spend 10-15 minutes on the fornication issue. Rather advantageous for the Mrs., she beat those charges quite easily. A few tears, making sure I was firmly under the bus over the doubts, and that was all she wrote... Not that this is about me, of course.

I am also surprised at just how much you were able to throw out there. Wow. Impressive.

--sd-7

53

What you wish you had been told when you were younger

by Most Noble in

what do you wish people told you when you were younger?.

sd-7

Actually, someone kinda did already tell me what I wish I'd been told. It was kurtbethel, when he said:

One important bit of advice. Stay away from those melodramatic women or those whose life is a train wreck. It will bring you way down.

He was right!

--sd-7

29

Believe it or not, another brief elder encounter yesterday...

by sd-7 in

jw
friends

it was another elder from my judicial committee, came up to me after i'd strapped my daughter into the car.

two things that struck me as different were (1) he didn't feel a need to bring a second elder along with him as if something that required two witnesses was going to be said by someone who'd been df'd for two years and 99.9% absent from meetings as well, and (2) he actually seemed genuinely friendly.

he simply asked if i was planning to come to the meetings again anytime soon.

sd-7

What guys? I don't hang out with anyone. I'm stuck meeting folks after work in a coffee shop for an hour. Last social event I had was a year and a half ago and I was separated at the time. Besides, I think I just want to be alone for awhile.

--sd-7

21

vote poster Raypublisher ; WT EXPOSED OF THE MONTH

by JunkYardDog in

jw
friends

this guy did a hell of a job recording his jc.

and slamming the elder in part 4 if his series of youtube's known as jwstruggles.

i take my hat off to this guy.

sd-7

Yeah, that was great. I didn't have the resources to prep anything for recording mine, and I anticipated suspicion, so I just took handwritten notes instead and relied on the traumatic memories to sear themselves into legend. I guess that could warrant people doubting my story more than a recording...

Definitely a timeless classic, that recording.

--sd-7

29

Believe it or not, another brief elder encounter yesterday...

by sd-7 in

jw
friends

it was another elder from my judicial committee, came up to me after i'd strapped my daughter into the car.

two things that struck me as different were (1) he didn't feel a need to bring a second elder along with him as if something that required two witnesses was going to be said by someone who'd been df'd for two years and 99.9% absent from meetings as well, and (2) he actually seemed genuinely friendly.

he simply asked if i was planning to come to the meetings again anytime soon.

sd-7

Raypublisher--LOL! I needed that. Perhaps I should get a T-shirt made that says that someday. I think I was pretty terrified and still early in my research, probably more confident than I had any right to be, in hindsight. But hey, it's over now. Okay, maybe not, what with the sort of PTSD kind of thing going on with it. But hey, at least there were no embarrassingly detailed questions. Has this thread really been seen that many times? Seems a bit excessive. Good thing is, I don't even have to take the Mrs. to the assembly this weekend. I guess it's good bonding time for Mom and her, as they take turns making fun of my every move from childhood until now. Well, I'm hoping I can take it easy and feel a bit refreshed after doing something I want to do and getting away from it all for a day. --sd-7

29

Believe it or not, another brief elder encounter yesterday...

by sd-7 in

jw
friends

it was another elder from my judicial committee, came up to me after i'd strapped my daughter into the car.

two things that struck me as different were (1) he didn't feel a need to bring a second elder along with him as if something that required two witnesses was going to be said by someone who'd been df'd for two years and 99.9% absent from meetings as well, and (2) he actually seemed genuinely friendly.

he simply asked if i was planning to come to the meetings again anytime soon.

sd-7

Well, I joined this site back in '09, before the utter catastrophe of events that led to my marriage. Unexpectedly had sex with the JW woman I'd been apart from for about 5 years, then we got married a few months later, against pretty much all common sense and essentially everyone's fine advice here at the time. I tried faking it as a JW, but couldn't do the ministry or attend meetings much. She started sensing my doubts, not to mention guilt about the sex. That's a short paragraph to set the stage for what happened...

Just before the shepherding call that led to the committee...

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/188039/1/Borg-cubes-inbound

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/188855/1/Borg-cubes-will-reach-us-in-approximately-20-hours

Just after the shepherding call and my wife's confession/throwing me under bus /doing what she thought was right...

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/188199/1/Separating-saucer-section-General-Order-14-Borg-cubes-inbound-Part-II

My written record of my judicial committee back in 2010:

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/189048/1/Borg-court-1st-session

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/189524/1/Borg-court-2nd-session

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/189607/1/Borg-court-3rd-session-verdict

Then the family (my JW mom and brother) gets involved:

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/190051/1/Ambushed-Famly-Intervention

That's a heck of a lot of reading, but you did ask, 00DAD. Just reading some of the stuff I wrote back then almost made me cry even today. It really hit me in a way that it never had before, just how much pain I caused my wife back then. Maybe it's a good thing that I now feel something about that, something so strong, in the sense that maybe it means I care more about how she feels than I first thought. Reading one of my old threads made me realize just...how much I wish I could make it all up to her. But you can't take it back once it's been said. I just have to try and forgive myself and hope she's forgiven me...and try not to mess things up further by jerking her around about what I believe, what my spiritual path in life is. Well, great, now the old sd-7 is comin' out again. Geez, guys...what're ya doin' to me? Spillin' my guts here!

--sd-7

29

Believe it or not, another brief elder encounter yesterday...

by sd-7 in

jw
friends

it was another elder from my judicial committee, came up to me after i'd strapped my daughter into the car.

two things that struck me as different were (1) he didn't feel a need to bring a second elder along with him as if something that required two witnesses was going to be said by someone who'd been df'd for two years and 99.9% absent from meetings as well, and (2) he actually seemed genuinely friendly.

he simply asked if i was planning to come to the meetings again anytime soon.

sd-7

I should add, it's not necessarily that I'm in their sights, save that I show up to pick up my family from the meeting or something. But I suppose from the inside looking out, it probably looks like the equivalent of a student who quits school but keeps showing up on the front steps. Kind of pitiful, in other words. Ripe for the picking.

But I'm sure it was just a minor thing, probably nothing more than it's-a-new-service-year-so-we-gotta-check. I don't feel any desire to go back, but of course there are always what I refer to as Borg subroutines that get triggered by specific events. I suppose I feel the pangs of regret about not handling all of this rationally and tossing every chance to get them all out of my life for good. But I replay it all ten times and the same thing always happens, with minor variations at most. I just wasn't ready to walk away. I wasn't strong enough to hold to my own moral code and stand up for myself. But the fact is, it wasn't going to be bloodless no matter what I did. Had I just moved out of my folks' house, they would've tried to hunt me down and I'd have had to deal with the stress of that, and the woman I loved would've called that same fateful night, and everything would've happened exactly as it did anyway.

I guess it boils down to the fact that it's very tiring emotionally--and well, I might dare say spiritually--to deal with this sort of pressure. But trading it for a different sort? No thanks.

I'll manage. I guess I shouldn't have vented about this one, it's not like they knocked on my door or something. They probably won't bother me again, at least not for a long while. If there's a third encounter, then I'll be concerned. I was kind of hoping that last elder was going to give me a Do Not Call form to fill out, ha. Ah, well. But probably it's over now. At least until some significant emotional event happens in my life or something. Other than exiting a cult, I mean...

--sd-7

29

Believe it or not, another brief elder encounter yesterday...

by sd-7 in

jw
friends

it was another elder from my judicial committee, came up to me after i'd strapped my daughter into the car.

two things that struck me as different were (1) he didn't feel a need to bring a second elder along with him as if something that required two witnesses was going to be said by someone who'd been df'd for two years and 99.9% absent from meetings as well, and (2) he actually seemed genuinely friendly.

he simply asked if i was planning to come to the meetings again anytime soon.

sd-7

I know you're remaining in their sights because of your concern for your children, and yet you have all a parent's rights, surely, and you'd get equal custody with your wife if it came to it, wouldn't you? Do you want to take the paths leading back? And if you don't, can you not just walk?

Well, I don't know how that sort of thing would play out. I'm not the biological father of my stepdaughter, and she told me once that if anything happened to her, she'd want her mom to take care of her daughter. Yet paradoxically she wants me to adopt said daughter, which serves no purpose if she wouldn't want me to take care of her in her stead were she to meet an untimely end or something. I know what that's all about, of course, but I won't go there in the context of this discussion. My son, on the other hand, is another matter.

Even so, I don't want to tear a kid away from one of his parents. One thing my dad taught me by example was never to quit. To be there like a rock for your kids. It was a 'divided' household for me growing up, too. He saw for himself it was a load o'crap, but that didn't stop him from doing his best to love us all, from being there. Granted, he was never a JW, so that's a different scenario. Still...the point is there.

The paths leading back are full of despair and hatred and the destruction of the person I am trying to rebuild. But I can't just walk. I'm not done yet. There is still more to do.

--sd-7