Posts by sd-7

18

A freshly minted Assembly Hall, as seen through the eyes of a free man

by sd-7 in

jw
friends

the program was day 2 of the circuit assembly, but we'd been planning to catch the special assembly day (commonly referred to as sad even by me before i woke up).

i always felt sad after the program every time.

the new assembly hall is gargantuan.

sd-7

Thanks for your advice, everyone. I'm no martyr. I'm just another bug under the wheels of the big machine. I think our biggest problem is thinking that we're somehow relevant in the first place. This is what the organization made us believe. I always knew better. I just never knew how irrelevant we really were until now.

Sun Tzu said many things I've found to be useful. "If you know your enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the outcome of a thousand battles." I know my enemy, and now, I know myself better than I realized. I know what's coming. Not in perfect clarity, but I can feel what's coming.

It is not my intent to fade at all, in fact. I was intending to leave, but she showed up again, and in that moment I knew there was no other way. I have lost the favor of my family and the organization by now. I may never regain it if I voice any doubts to the wrong people. But regardless, I'm not fading. I'm going back to them. I see no other choice. I'm not leaving.

The words of Prince Malagant come to mind once more. "Self-sacrifice is easy. It is when you must sacrifice someone you love, that puts your convictions to the test." The reason I became an apostate in the first place is because I could not sacrifice her. Now, I must become a humble servant of Jehovah who puts his trust in Jehovah's organization and in Jesus' brothers, the faithful and discreet slave class.

If I fail, if I lose her, so be it. All these years, I hated myself for being unable to break a bad habit. And then for falling in love with females who rejected me when I could merely have controlled those feelings or avoided those girls/women in the first place. For more than a decade, I pondered what tool I could possibly use to inflict the greatest vengeance upon myself for the sins I committed against heaven, against peace, and against myself. I believe, at last, I have found that tool. I have found the perfect vengeance, the perfect punishment. Now I will finally face every bit of the suffering I've deserved for years of incompetence and weakness. Now I will knowingly become a slave, for as long as I draw breath.

This, for me, is the single most beautiful moment of my existence. To live a complete lie that is utterly intolerable, to finally know true fear of loss. To finally know pain as intimately as a passionate lover. That's just the beginning, really. It's nothing compared to what many of you have been through. But for me, it's everything I've ever wanted to inflict upon myself for everything I've done.

Now that I know that, I believe this journey will be much, much easier. It will not be happy at all. And that's the point. I never counted on being happy. Now, I never have to again.

But I'll be around if I happen to have any new nonsense ideas to post about. At the very least, I just want to keep an ear in reality, just because it's nice to do. But I can't leave. I don't really think it would accomplish anything anyway. I'd just find a way to be enslaved to something or someone else. Better to be slave with what I know than to be a slave with what I don't.

SD-7

18

A freshly minted Assembly Hall, as seen through the eyes of a free man

by sd-7 in

jw
friends

the program was day 2 of the circuit assembly, but we'd been planning to catch the special assembly day (commonly referred to as sad even by me before i woke up).

i always felt sad after the program every time.

the new assembly hall is gargantuan.

sd-7

AudeSapere--I concede that I'm reading something into the architecture that probably isn't there. I'm just paranoid about it, that's all. Second point, I have discussed these issues with my fiancee. I'm not entirely stupid, you know. I wouldn't dare marry her without saying SOMETHING. She was unfazed by my concerns with our beliefs, pretty much threatened to leave, so I backed off of the issue. Is it immoral to pretend to believe something or else lose the woman you love most? Certainly. But the Society stepped in the gray area a long time before I was even thought of. Anything I've done is perfectly justifiable if they're allowed to continue to exist.

Third, she's not a die-hard JW, but she, like most others, believes it is the truth(TM). I tried the path of honest discussion about this, and it was met with disapproval. So, I did what was necessary to preserve the relationship. I accepted the lie as truth. I'm willing to live with that decision because in the end, it doesn't matter anyway. It's just another religion. Believing it or not is irrelevant. But if the difference between believing and not believing is the difference between losing her and most of my family, then I see no other logical option. Morality doesn't enter into it so much anymore. The organization was gracious enough to relieve me of the burden of conscience.

As for the 'hounders', well, obviously they're there for security reasons. But if I was trouble, I'm sure I would've been easily spotted and tackled well in advance in such a wide-open area anyway--another benefit to add to the one you mentioned. I just walked in with a woman and a child, completely unarmed. What the heck was I going to do, stick 'em up while I waited for her to change the kid's diaper?

I never asked for things to be this way. I never intended to find out these things about this religion. I only sought to understand why we felt it necessary to turn off our compassion and our conscience and lose touch with the spirit of Christ all because of adherence to the letter of the law. That, I thought, was everything Jesus stood against. So if anyone's perpetrating a fraud here, it's them, not me. So please, point the finger at the people who are responsible for putting many, many people like myself into impossible situations. Thank you very much.

SD-7

18

A freshly minted Assembly Hall, as seen through the eyes of a free man

by sd-7 in

jw
friends

the program was day 2 of the circuit assembly, but we'd been planning to catch the special assembly day (commonly referred to as sad even by me before i woke up).

i always felt sad after the program every time.

the new assembly hall is gargantuan.

sd-7

Not at all, undercover--I get what you're saying. I understand the nature of this choice. You're saying the same things I told myself. Living a lie is a horrible thing. But I thank you for your support.

SD-7

18

A freshly minted Assembly Hall, as seen through the eyes of a free man

by sd-7 in

jw
friends

the program was day 2 of the circuit assembly, but we'd been planning to catch the special assembly day (commonly referred to as sad even by me before i woke up).

i always felt sad after the program every time.

the new assembly hall is gargantuan.

sd-7

Undercover--what part of "suicide mission" did you not understand? I know that this is insanely dangerous. That's the point. After learning the reality of it all, I nearly lost my mind, made bad choices. Why make worse choices on top of that, right? True. The only reason I can come up with is because I just don't care anymore about right and wrong. I just...don't care about anything. They took her away from me years ago, and I found a second chance. Even at the price of my life, even, if necessary, at the price of my mind, I choose to get her back.

A free man can choose to return to slavery for reasons that seem unjustifiable to others who have found their freedom. I can't say it's logical or sane. But the train is pulling out of the station now. I can't stop it. And even though it will run me down, I am not afraid. I've had everything else taken from me. I've nothing left but her now. One day, I may lose her, or be reprogrammed. That's the chance I'm willing to take. There's nothing left for me. If I gain her even for a moment, as I have done, I can die having fully lived. That's all any man can ask for in this life, on this God-forsaken planet.

SD-7

18

A freshly minted Assembly Hall, as seen through the eyes of a free man

by sd-7 in

jw
friends

the program was day 2 of the circuit assembly, but we'd been planning to catch the special assembly day (commonly referred to as sad even by me before i woke up).

i always felt sad after the program every time.

the new assembly hall is gargantuan.

sd-7

Girlie--check your PMs.

18

A freshly minted Assembly Hall, as seen through the eyes of a free man

by sd-7 in

jw
friends

the program was day 2 of the circuit assembly, but we'd been planning to catch the special assembly day (commonly referred to as sad even by me before i woke up).

i always felt sad after the program every time.

the new assembly hall is gargantuan.

sd-7

The program was Day 2 of the circuit assembly, but we'd been planning to catch the special assembly day (commonly referred to as SAD even by me before I woke up). I always felt sad after the program every time. Never doing enough, you know what I mean? The new assembly hall is gargantuan. Plenty of old assembly artifacts. Reminded me of Prince Malagant's prison in the movie First Knight. "It's called an ubliette. That's French for 'a place of forgetting.' No bars, no doors, no locks--just walls of air." But it was attractive. For $8,000,000, it ought to be.

They had the badges from old conventions, newspaper articles--even from the infamous 1966 convention where the wacky 1975 book was released. My associate put in a donation. I can't believe anyone's hard-earned money will be given to these crooks. We didn't stay for the program. It didn't sound like we were missing much--the same 'single people have more opportunities', cookie-cutter interviews with two single pioneers (one of whom broke off her engagement and pioneered, yet the emotional impact of that was completely ignored; I take it she goes home and has a bit of wine for the frequent cases of heartsickness), etc., etc. Even so, I could already feel the guilt emanating from the platform. It's powerful. Could be sucked back in easily.

As we neared the assembly hall, there was a brother standing outside, watching as our child made the last few steps out of the rain. He was intrigued, mentioned how long a walk it must have been for a baby, seemed friendly. But as we parted ways, there was something about the robotic tone of his voice as he said, "Enjoy the assembly." It sounded a lot like a command rather than the equivalent of the usher at the movie theater who says "enjoy the show." There was something mildly unsettling about it. Almost, well, a "heil Hitler" kind of sound. I think for the first time, I felt genuinely creeped out by the place. The lack of doors in the auditorium and bathrooms must have been an intentional part of the design. Perhaps it is a reflection of the Party mindset: a not-so-subtle way of saying WE ARE WATCHING YOU. THERE IS NO PLACE TO HIDE.

Anyway, that's comforting. We watch each other, which means are backs are turned on the leadership. A perfect circle. Power at the top. Control of all, with the assistance of the insects who are more than happy to police each other. There is nothing but those walls of air. The inmates love the wardens. Is it a prison, then, or an asylum? For those who know the wardens well enough, it is both.

Scientific American magazine had an article awhile ago about the fact that cheaters have no problem turning in other cheaters. This is true in nature as well. It's perfect--after all, if everyone cheats, no one benefits. So the cheaters must rat out other cheaters in order for them to prosper. If a few powerful ones do all the cheating, they win. Hence the disfellowshipping arrangement, no?

Well...the other neat thing about the assembly hall was the feeling that like, 15 Brother Hounders were stalking the lobby area and getting uncomfortable seeing me standing there not going into the auditorium. But, limited by the laws of the land and the law of Christ, hurting me and throwing me into the auditorium was not authorized. They could only take action against me to a certain extent. Being limited by the laws of the land. Of course. So I may have gotten funny looks, but nothing more. Having the kid there engendered some sympathy.

Soon, I will enter the first and last phase of my suicide mission, marrying into a religion the same year I discovered it is a cult that uses mind control on its members. I am marrying a true believer who suffers from serious cognitive dissonance issues. But having been dealt a hard hand with her mother, perhaps the Mother Organization became a safe haven for her. They could've said Brother Organization, but perhaps they were too aware of the 1984 implications. Besides, Mother > Son, right?

Well, I know that the price I pay will be extraordinarily high. But I volunteered. I know what I'm getting into. I've been inside all my life, after all. I know what to expect. Only part of this I've never experienced is (1) being an elder/MS and (2) being in a JC. I'd like to record the latter, should it ever happen to me, just because they're so scared of that. Princes who rule for justice itself ought not be afraid to be accountable to their subjects. Cowards.

Anyway, there's my tale. Too long, but fire away.

SD-7

2

Thoughts on "the faithful slave"--for the millionth time

by sd-7 in

it's been done to the point of ad nauseam, but i had a thought about the "faithful slave".

note that in matthew 24:45-47, jesus asks a question, "who really is the faithful and discreet slave, who his master appointed over his domestics, to give them their food at the proper time?

" "appointed" is past tense.

sd-7

It's been done to the point of ad nauseam, but I had a thought about the "faithful slave". Note that in Matthew 24:45-47, Jesus asks a question, "Who really is the faithful and discreet slave, who his master appointed over his domestics, to give them their food at the proper time?" "Appointed" is past tense. The master already made this appointment before he left, right? Right. So if this were literal, and the slave were composite, the apostles would logically have been the slave class of their time.

Assume also that, as the Governing Demi-Gods claim, apostasy took place. This means the "faithful slave" gradually morphed into "that evil slave". So far, I'm along company lines, apart from that jab about demi-gods. The main problem, however, is the timing of the master's arrival. Would that represent some pre-calculated time period, when the master would return (which seems to require a third arrival in order to truly appoint this slave over all his belongings), or would it represent the master's return in the conclusion of the system (ie. when he does the judging)?

The validity of this question is clear because it is impossible for anyone except the master to pronounce any group of men "faithful and discreet". Any such claims--particularly from men who do not claim to be propets or receive any divine revelation--therefore would be no different than me proclaiming myself as Heavyweight Champion of the World. What possible basis can anyone have for being appointed by Christ if Christ himself didn't sign off on it? A self-proclaimed prophet class and its publications have no more merit than me starting my own magazine and demanding that the world take notice and obey.

"The truth" is "progressive", but real truth never changes. That's why it's called truth. Because it's always true. Anything else is a theory, a hypothesis, something you believe to be true today but is uncertain. Truth and uncertainty are going in opposite directions.

Science, for example, updates its knowledge. But science generally provides supporting evidence for new concepts. In the case of the slave class, however, new ideas are presented without such evidence; in fact, the same scriptures that are thrust aside in one moment can be used as "clear scriptural proof" a short time later. In such instances, "truth" is not progressive at all; it is arbitary.

How, then, will the master feel when he inspects this slave? If the master spoke to the domestics, would he conclude that the slave had treated them well, or would he see signs of fear, abuse, and neglect? Let the record speak for itself.

SD-7

6

Examining a Scripture and a Paragraph from the Watchtower Daily--Nov. 2, 2009

by sd-7 in

today's text: daniel 12:8: "now as for me, i heard, but i could not understand.

" comments were taken from 1/15/08 watchtower.. november 2, 2009.

5:30 a.m. greeted us with the daily text.

sd-7

Today's text: Daniel 12:8: "Now as for me, I heard, but I could not understand." Comments were taken from 1/15/08 Watchtower.

November 2, 2009. 5:30 A.M. greeted us with the daily text. We will be able to explain the meaning of Daniel's prophecy to Daniel himself in the 'new system'. Funny, because lots of JWs don't know what Daniel 12 means, even according to the Society. Me? I'm trying to figure out how I can explain something to Daniel when I've never studied it myself--a talk in 1922 I never heard, or a 1925 Watchtower article I've never read? Don't you think Daniel should have the right to read that article, to hear that talk? But if I've never done so, how can I tell him anything? Amazing. The modern-day fulfillment of Bible prophecy hangs entirely on unverifiable premises. And this talk and the article weren't that long ago, mind you. And no doubt that talk and that article both contain doctrines that would be summarily dismissed as false today. How can false doctrines fulfill Bible prophecy--especially when "the [true] knowledge" was supposed to become abundant? Remember what Daniel 12:10 says, "No wicked ones at all will understand; but the ones having insight will understand." Any wickedness on the part of those who claim prophecy was fulfilled in them--including enforced acceptance of false doctrines, for example--would prove they are unable to understand these scriptures, I should think.

It's scary just how much theological swiss cheese we were fed all those years. Hope I can withstand a lifetime worth of it. Fire away.

SD-7

16

"Bearing Thorough Witness"--page 98, par. 13; Compare p. 103, par. 9, 10, 12

by sd-7 in

when i find the same old same old in the newest publications.

here's a little sampling, from my now-favorite work of bible-based fantasy, "bearing thorough witness" about [the governing body].

note page 98, paragraph 13:.

sd-7

I just ordered it--should reach me by this Thursday. If the shipping weren't so expensive I'd have had it get here sooner...but I'll share what I find out from BeDuhn's book once I go through it. I can respect a guy who's even-handed--hence why I totally dug Raymond Franz' books. But if someone is just misinformed, that's something else. And I think this guy may be misinformed; even if the NWT is accurate--and for all I know, it may well be--that hardly proves that JWs have the truth. It just means they did a good job translating, not that they understand what the scriptures actually say. One must be careful not to confuse the two. Thanks for the replies. Keep 'em coming.

SD-7

16

"Bearing Thorough Witness"--page 98, par. 13; Compare p. 103, par. 9, 10, 12

by sd-7 in

when i find the same old same old in the newest publications.

here's a little sampling, from my now-favorite work of bible-based fantasy, "bearing thorough witness" about [the governing body].

note page 98, paragraph 13:.

sd-7

Yeah. Very true, Balsam. I felt for a long time, even before I started questioning things, that Christianity was probably very different from what JWs practiced. The notable absence of the name Jehovah from the New Testament compared to the Old Testament stood out to me--neither Jesus nor Paul seemed obsessed with saying it every five seconds.

The pecking order is often made very clear--the Governing Body routinely assumes the role of Christ and even the role of God. I mean, calling itself the 'Mother' organization is a direct slap in the face of the SON, implying that a human organization is superior to the one given all authority in heaven and on earth.

I didn't realize this entry was so long until later. Sorry...I get carried away.

SD-7