Posts by Butterflyleia85

94

Light a Candle for Oompa

by BabaYaga in

jw
friends

there is a lovely site where one may light a candle for a moment of silence.. http://www.gratefulness.org/candles.

i set up a group, where they may all flicker together, if you like.. http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=oompa.

(we love and miss you, oompa.).

Butterflyleia85

thank you for this I lit mine as well! ***to oompa***

5

The realities of life are starting to set in for 'Joliette.' (Why doesn't Jehovah come and take my pain away)?

by Joliette in

jw
friends

yesterday i get a call from my fed aid advisor at the university that i go to...i owe the school about $1200.

i can regsiter or continue on with my education until i pay them off.

i just tried to apply for credit card to pay for the debt.

aww i totally feel for you girlie! i have to say reality of life sucks sometimes and especially when all we have is ourselves. but seriously you are doing better then most! i know it seems overwhelming now but i can see you are trying hard to servive and make the best of your life. with that attitude you will suceed. don't give up! you are renting right? if so show your payments you been making to a loan or credit card you can usually get it. and as far as the financial aid they usually don't do that, usually, i would be upset too. financial aid is suppost to help you not leave you in debt. most the time the debt isn't asked til the end of graduation when you've found a full time job. and even then you have a ton of years to pay it off with low interest. the only advise i have is keep fighting them and look up ways to extend your payment period with what you can afford now. don't let finances bother you, you do what you can and keep looking to the future with graduation and that awesome career you always wanted ahead! as far as trying to loss weight and eat healthy, don't beat yourself up, temptation is always lerking around every corner and conveniance is todays way of living for most. use it all to your advantage but keeping control and make right choices. i'm sure that just setting aside time and making a list of you favorite fast foods and choicing the healthy items will help a ton. take small steps. and ignore the feeling of asking yourself am i lossing weight? just keep saying i am being healthy when you take that step of eating healthy! being positive goes along way. and when you have a lil more time you can continue incorporating small things in your daily lifestyle that add to your healthy path. always give yourself create is the key. if you mess up, shrug it off and eat an apple. ;) a year from now you wont regret it one bet! i wish you the best! i totally remember being in your shoes. you can do it! if it takes a second job just think when you look back on this moment and see all the hard work, you will be that much stronger and that much more confidant in all you do!

40

just need encouraging words... elders came over and breifly stopped by to encourage me back to hall

by Butterflyleia85 in

jw
friends

well i was kinda cut of gaurd when i saw them.

it was the two elders from the local congregation.

they said they just wanted to come over for encouragement to come back to the meetingsm one of the elders i knew me sence i was a baby and saw my son in my arms and asked how old he was.

Butterflyleia85

Thanks BluesBrother. Your words help a lot. J "It is only a bad thing in the eyes of the deluded ones..." true... and thanks for reminding me. Ha I like to just think of all the elders and bethalites that have left , they being in higher positions then me and knowing that I'm not the deluded one like they feel we are... wrapped up in worldly ways. Ha If they only knew... the thing is they don't want to know.

Thanks NewChapter!

It's an awkward position standing in pjs and haven't brushed my teeth... yeah it was like 10:30am but I was busy feeding and playing with my son until his 11:30am nap. Ha Now I know how the householders felt when I went out in-service.

Yeah the Elders here though are a lot nicer and seem concerned or more compassionate, then the Elders at my old hall I got DFed from. I'm only 30 mins away from my old hall so I know one of the Elders because when my parents were married they went to the same hall. Ever since I was lil every time I saw the Elder (that knew me since I was lil) it brought back good times when my dad was nice to my mom and the Elder help my mom a lot when things went bad between my parents marriage.

I called the Elder by his first name because it was easy for me to remember... Buddy. J Him and his wife was a fun loving couple and was like extra grandparents to me.

So when I saw him I felt over whelmed already with emotion that I held back.

Thank you breakfast of champions... yes I do feel the trama effect of all the hurt and pain... it can be hard though when you expect one thing and get treated like scum of the earth from people you held dear in your heart... it is abuse... my father was abusive (back when I was 5) so I understand the term and well, you don't realize it is until you are treated with true love and tender care.

Btw breakfast of champs... you sound like my husband after they left that was his exact words... expect I was defending them... telling him they are only trying to help and they don't have to come. He said back to me well we don't want their help and good I hope they don't come back. I couldn't understand his rudeness (thank goodness not in front of them) but now I see... I had to think about it but really they are an emotional stur and my husband hates see me so hurt and upset. I guess I end up upset for a few days every time Jehovah Witness stuff pops in my life.

Thanks isaacaustin! I totally agree and thank you for all your help.

Thank you cofty! I agree with you there that's totally my personality too... I just don't have that ability to stand up to people... especially elders. I remember when I got DFed I asked them so what do I do now? What will be my laws now, what should I do? They said you DFed you are on your own to decide, we have no authority over you. Your free to do whatever you'd like. I felt like they were fed up with me and throwing me on the streets after they said that... but then I mustard up this small pride and said fine then I will make my own way.

Thanks LostGeneration! J Yes it's just hard for me sometimes to let go... If I could live my life in peace of mind.

Haha OUTLAW you are hilarious! You defiantly made me smile... ok laugh. Just a fan of killing zombies here (finished the awesome game walking dead) and to put JW with zombies... ha to to funny.

OMG yeah slimboyfat! What the heck... that just goes beyond what an elder said to me when he wanted a three elder meeting with me... his like yelling or sternly saying "Your sick!!" (I said What???) "Your spiritually sick!!!" I was crying at this point. "I can't believe after we just gave your privileges you would do something like that!? How... Why! I'm disappointed **. We need to make a meeting with you. I will call you back and give you a time and day this week." All I could say through the whole thing was "ok". (grr I dislike that elder... just fyi I guess it takes one to know one... he was DFed a year later... he was cheating on his wife for years)

Aware! Yeah I even got shaky and worked up with my own younger sister who was still talking to me at the time... I was so nervous and just overwhelmed with emotion. What stopped me from going farther is when she said "It's not that I shouldn't it's that I CHOICE not to look at those things." "It's garbage!"

Thanks OnTheWayOut! Yeah I should, I do have two of Steven Hassan's books I haven't been through it in a year maybe a refresher would be good. Like I said before, I just need to keep steering myself in a good direction... kinda like they do with their life's. Why try to change something that doesn't want to be changed... move on is all I can do. I can't change their mind will if they have a wall or mental block... if they care enough love me enough, it will take time... I know I have my JW mom and grandma, and right now that's all I need.

Thanks Blondie! J They like to blame anything that's outside of the JW world they live in... ha right? ;) They could have easily seen in my picture of my son hanging on the wall "Birthday Boy" and said she's sucked into the holidays... the world keeps her busy. Or yes my husband is worldly and probably makes it very hard for me to come to the meetings. Ha Oh well I guess I don't have to worry about what they think anymore!! If I just keep my head out of the love bubble... guilt bubble... whatever bubble they hold on me. I just miss them like I said... I feel it's like two world I crossed and I undertand how they (JW) feel and I understand how my family and husband (nonJW) feels too... it's just crossing the two and being the in between man is very difficult. They both have love in their own way... I just have to learn how to expect the other (JW) and move on with the one I truly wont in my life... that is honestly best for me and my family... It just feels right and I see it now very clearly in the scriptures... not like I did before! True Love, mercy and compassion for all humans.

The elder did leave me a message on my cell to ask for encouragement (not that I was going to get a visit though) and asked if I got their message. I said yes I got the message I just didn't know when it was appropriate to call back. That's when he went into will that's the reason for our visit to see if you needed encouragement to come back to the meetings. Yeah bet man that unexpected visit made me feel like... oh now I know why I got the door slammed in my face... or "Not interested". Lol It does feel kinda intrusive.... But with sympathy and understanding of their ignorance on that part... I welcomed them in. They probably felt embarrassed for me because I was in my PJs.

Thank you so much 3rdgen! Ha Yeah his a good man... I love him. It felt kinda like he scared them away too. ;)

Thank you Gayle! Yes I don't think I spooked them but they did say promptly after I said "I did research of my belief." and they said "well we don't need to get into that now" I wasn't going to but I think they have to make that clear to anyone they suspect has "apostate information". I kinda realize maybe I shouldn't want them back because of the emotional stress it gave me.

{dreaming} But on the other had it was like hey I did live once before I was DFed at age 21 and do have a child hood with friends and family (on the other side that is)... it's kinda like I step out of a different world and they have shut me out. I want to feel connected just not be connected kinda like how we feel with old relatives when we have get-togethers... or as my husband relates... he doesn't want to be close to his cousins but he enjoys getting together during the holidays. That feeling is what I want with my family and friends (just cause we live different lives or have different beliefs).... I'm jealous of my non JW family who never got baptized... they have that. L

Oh well I'm glad I made a life out here that is with a wholesome family and loving relatives of my husband's. And not only that but made a little family of our own that is part of me and my husband, we can share and call our own.

Thank you yesidid! He is truly a wonderful man and I appreciate your kind words.

Thanks wasblind! J

Thank you Compound complex! That's my focus now, my lil family.

Yes your right Billy the Ex-Bethelite! I guess that's true... I just felt an over whelming feeling... maybe guilt... sadness because of what was toward away from me... the feeling of wow they actually came to help me, my elders at my old hall never did this, I had to fend for myself, this just felt more like they truly cared but now I understand this is kinda expected of elders to do in the long run anyways kinda kicked the oh I'm special feeling... so yeah... now I'm back to gee and you had to remind me (I once was a Jehovah's Witness). I just want to move on. Thanks again!

Thanks rebel8! Good point. "the feelings aren't facts"

Kristina1972 ha yeah I guess that's one way of looking at it. ;) If I could say that with a straight face they probably for sure be like ahhh you got it all twisted [apostate thinking] you're not suppose to look at it that way.... Ha I already know because I kinda ranted to my old elders about being shunned and that was their comment... then they showed me some scriptures. It was like my logical thinking was kicking in all in it's own but the brain wash was still there.... (that was like 4 years ago when I was DFed the first time)

Thanks poppers... yeah when they left, my husband and I had the same discussion. He said exactly what you said (laughing inside because yelp that's right)... I kinda rolled my eyes because I think he really does hate my religion and I want him to see both side of the story not just the, oh it's a cult and they brain wash, and have a huge baggage of badness in their mist they like to deny or ignore. I do want him to see this side for sure don't get me wrong but then again I want him to understand their ignorance... the ones that are nice and show concern. Because of his attitude around my family and around will these elders that came by... basically is I don't give a shit what you think because you don't give a shit about my wife end of story. That's how he reasons and that is not at all what I want him to be like. He's distant and standoffish anyways so this just makes it all that worse... I don't give a crap about them and really I want us to live our lives without them. In my mind I feel like they are still a part of me even with the shunning and just obeying orders.... I've told him this and he said fine let them live that way that's them you should have to suffer because of what they believe. His right but still...

Pitchess Co-Gen yeah that's how I felt.

Kudra Thank you so much! J I think I should print your words out and put it on my frig. J

Thanks Flipper! It will take time for sure. I'm glad to have so many here encouraging and helping me through this! It's a blessing! J

Thanks etna!

Awesome Moshe!... Glad I'm not the first to go down this road... I need all the encouragement I need. And it is so so much when I come on here and see what other's go through. I hope one day to have the same confidence that others have brought to the table.... It will take time and more learning or understanding.

Scott77... It's still hard to see where I'm in the light of things (with your thinking of them being wrong and I'm not) because in their eyes I'm in the dark (and they have a hold on me in my heart, people I love and care about what they think of me) and all I have to do is return... but the thing they only have screwed in tight in their heads is this very idea "We ONLY have the truth, the ONLY way God has provide escape from pain suffering and evil. God's loving and merciful but HE is also is Just and steadfast meaning there's no acceptance in committing sin over and over without having consequences and discipline." That idea sends a panic for the people they love and feel are weak and need help... They want to protect that idea and want other people they care about to follow that idea so they can be saved too. End of their logic. Thank you Scott for the support and yes now I see the evilness it truly is for ones to be disfellowshipped... I been disfellowshipped twice so the first time it was hard and all I wanted was to get back in, I was scared and I felt they were right, now being disfellowshipped the second time I began to find that this wasn't fair and God can't really hate me because I love him so and feel so so sorry but I needed my family to help me but I they were not there and just went into a downward path until one day I came on here.

Awww so beautiful rip van winkle!! I will remember this always an yes... I love butterflies since I was a teen... it was actually a symbol to me of freedom. I was very shy and quiet back when I was a teen and moved a lot so didn't really have close friends but one day I told myself I was going to be outgoing and confident. It happened when I hit 21. Now I can take this symbol with this even greater meaning thank you so much!

Thank you LV101!

Nambo yes... Actually they say fear is of God but (like Wizard of OZ) actually man, like you said. And they ask to set a good example because we are representing as God's people... Well I never feared that... What I truly feared was Disfellowshipment, it ment wicked world in my mind... cased out with the evil people and shunned to feel the sham.... I was shy and quiet all my life until I meet this guy that made me feel like a star and had a social fear of always wanting to be looked as the good girl, the smart girl, the sweet girl, nothing more nothing less... I feed off of other peoples reactions to me... SO just the thought of someone not liking me was always a worry to me. I wanted everyone to like me.... DFment was NOT an option and I thought was like death itself. That was my greatest fear.

Very true was blind.

Well said snare&racket! Thank you for your words I will have to say this has helped me a lot in reasoning with my own thoughts again and recognizing what I have come to know has been such a blessing!

Outsmartthesystem... yes well that does make since but if you compare it to other religions in which they have too pointed out their flaws as well as in logically indoctrinate their members... do they have the truth? That is were I find the answer to be the same as the very religion I came from (Jehovah Witnesses), some may have certain parts that make more sense or go in line better with the scripture but they all are flawed. I just reason sometimes I will go along with the rest of the people of the world who try and find a religion and just attend for the part that help draw me closer to God. No, ONE religion has really the truth and thus are man made... but all have the same Goal - moral, good and peaceful... some are stricter and some are to me hypercritical but in all and all I just feel what ever gives me peace and happiness is where I want to maybe be apart of. So as of right now does Jehovah's Witnesses give me peace and happiness if I attended... no. So I don't want to go. Being a member is a whole nother level it would make me joined in with what they believe and stand for and do I want to be a member of what I feel is a corrupt ruling of governing men, NO way! I just wish they didn't treat disfellowshipped differently then nonmembers, it's cruel.

Thank you all for your encouraging words!!

40

just need encouraging words... elders came over and breifly stopped by to encourage me back to hall

by Butterflyleia85 in

jw
friends

well i was kinda cut of gaurd when i saw them.

it was the two elders from the local congregation.

they said they just wanted to come over for encouragement to come back to the meetingsm one of the elders i knew me sence i was a baby and saw my son in my arms and asked how old he was.

Butterflyleia85

Well I was kinda cut of gaurd when I saw them. It was the two elders from the local congregation. They said they just wanted to come over for encouragement to come back to the meetingsm one of the elders I knew me sence I was a baby and saw my son in my arms and asked how old he was. I invited them in because of my dog. They said well we understand your husbaands not supportive. I said well he don't mind me going back and isn't against me going, I just done some research to see if this is what I truly wanted and was a found i didn't like. ( I was quite nerves at this point I didn't want to say something wrong or to much just enough that they know I wasn't interested for mostly the right reason not just cause of the hurt ) I told them that I wasn't interested in going back. The elder said well you know there are people, prests, popes, etc and... I cut him off and said I know it's bout the doctrines. He said right... Then my husband came down stairs from work (he works at home some days) and said May I help you. In a sturn voice. I said this is (first name for the elder that knew me sence birth) and (his wife's name, she wasn't even there)! Ha I was so nervious I keep going "there elders.. Your an elder right? .. The elders from ** hall" Gee I sounded retarted. The elders explained their visit to my husband turned to me and said well you have my number to reach me and left. Ok well I miss them. But I'm shaking all over because it brings back such depressing memories of my DFment. I hate being labeled it's like the worse feeling ever! I felt pride in what I know so that part calms my consciences and dignity... I know God is with me and has provided a family and support... But the pain it's still there. The family and friends aren't easily forgotten their still in my heart and it hurts so bad!!!! :,( I'm pregnant with number two... Maybe why I'm so emotional. I looked up this crap why..... elders visit disfellowshipped: w96 11/1 14, 16; w93 7/15 27; w91 4/15 21-23; w91 8/15 28 encouragement for disfellowshipped to return: jr 145; w06 9/1 21; w06 11/15 30; w98 10/1 8-18

26

The Way Things are, Not How You'd Like Them To Be

by AllTimeJeff in

jw
friends

at 37 years of age, i'm much to young for feeling this damn old, so apologies for sounding less than idealistic, but...... we need people who will be honest and true to themselves.

having offered jws the entire decade of my 20's while they tried to suck out my soul, i have come to appreciate how little of a desire these days i have to change the world.

which was sad at first.

Butterflyleia85

well said alltimejeff

6

Informative Youtube video of Barbara Anderson and Husband Joe at Watchtower Society of Jehovah's Witnesses, New York.

by Scott77 in

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkw0gp4uvyq&feature=related.

Butterflyleia85

I love these videos! :)

35

Have You Ever Spoken To An Elder About Your True Feelings About "The Truth"?

by minimus in

jw
friends

i've has conversations with certain elder friends but i never gave them a total pummeling, at least i haven't yet.. what about you?.

Butterflyleia85

I been tempted to call my elder back that wants to encourage me about coming back to the meetings just to kinda question my personal thoughts and why I'm not sure it's the right thing to do. But no I haven't shared my feelings just because I was trying to get back in (over a year ago) and my feelings didn't consern them, I was doing it for my family.

21

Help what should I tell my mom?!

by Butterflyleia85 in

jw
friends

little background.

i'm dfed been dfed for about 4 to 6 years if you include the first dfment and getting back in for 6 months then 2008 dfed second time.. i did alot of research in 2010 to now and well from getting dfed for a total different reason just makes me look like a sinner who is unrepentent in my family.

the only people who know my researching is mainly my sister and mom.. .

Butterflyleia85

Thanks 00DAD!!

Thanks The Oracle! I have tried in the past and will feel I have said all I can say... she won't respond to any of my text messages. So I don't know if she's even reading them or not. I will just let her go... maybe time will tell.

49

Would You Listen To A Prayer From A JW And Say Amen If They Said A Prayer In Your Presence?

by minimus in

jw
friends

my mom has had visits from various jws and they have asked her if they could say a prayer before they left.

i respectfully listened to the prayers while i was visiting and might silently say amen if i felt the prayer was appropriate for my mom.. i'm just curious, how would you handle this type of situation?.

Butterflyleia85

I would say amen if it's fitting.

61

Trying to talk to my mom - really discouraged, need help.

by rather be in hades in

jw
friends

so, i'm new here and i've decided to finally tell my mom the truth about jws.. and sorry for the long post.

i'm at my wits end.. here's some background:.

i grew p in a congregation in california, i'm not a born in, though i was raised in it from 5 - about 20. arond 20 i pretty mch faded out, bt the emotional ups and downs were jst all too much.

Butterflyleia85

I think you just gave her stuff to think about... but like overload info it will eventually fade and not matter.... (that's why meetings are drilled in their heads)

Anyways what I found truly affective is just being sensere from the heart... explain your worries but I suggest making it about us, we, and family! How important it is to you! Keep it real... I think you gave her enough to think about as far as JW stuff... make it about you and her.

If you focus on that and give her the space and time she needs... she may come around.

This info was for you... and with you finding the info you did, let her do the same. It just comes down to their personal conscience.

Keep all this info though, it so good you did all this, because when she makes a comment to you, you can use this to tactifully prove your point.

Right now what truely proves your "right" will be your actions, are you happy? are you living a healthy and good life? are you doing what you dreamed and what you always wanted to achieve? Here's where you can be seen as proof that there is life beyond the organization.

I share my feelings all the time with my mom and try and incourage her... showing her and sharing with her how I feel God has helped me find true happiness. That's what our mothers truly want is to see thier childern happy.