Outatlast....you summed it up very well what I feel like most days. Like a kid in a candy shop. I'm finding most people NOT jw are some of the happiest people, they can enjoy simple things, and they cherish friendships, treat them as precious. I've never before experienced that. Something about being "in" makes you callous to real feelings, and true friendships are neither never formed, or they are, but damaged from being so conditional. Ok, now I've rambled. I just would like to say I took your post to heart (saved it in another email to reread even) and appreciate your taking time to respond to me :)
Heartbreaker
JoinedPosts by Heartbreaker
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36
Follow up to my saga
by Heartbreaker ini realize i'm a bit quiet here, and most if not all won't remember my story, so here is a brief synopsis.
i recently decided that i'd rather pursue life rather than a future life promised but not realized.
i was fortunate enough that my husband agreed in that he didn't want any man telling him what he had to do, or how to live, and so left with me.
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36
Follow up to my saga
by Heartbreaker ini realize i'm a bit quiet here, and most if not all won't remember my story, so here is a brief synopsis.
i recently decided that i'd rather pursue life rather than a future life promised but not realized.
i was fortunate enough that my husband agreed in that he didn't want any man telling him what he had to do, or how to live, and so left with me.
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Heartbreaker
Sweet Pea and Besty, you two...I just don't even have words. Thank you for your kindness, you have big, big hearts. Wish we were closer.
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36
Follow up to my saga
by Heartbreaker ini realize i'm a bit quiet here, and most if not all won't remember my story, so here is a brief synopsis.
i recently decided that i'd rather pursue life rather than a future life promised but not realized.
i was fortunate enough that my husband agreed in that he didn't want any man telling him what he had to do, or how to live, and so left with me.
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Heartbreaker
But Avi, it's so COLD up there! I can barely take the long wet winter months of Kansas. How would I survive?? ;) Husband would LOVE it though.
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Heartbreaker
KC area all my life.
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36
Follow up to my saga
by Heartbreaker ini realize i'm a bit quiet here, and most if not all won't remember my story, so here is a brief synopsis.
i recently decided that i'd rather pursue life rather than a future life promised but not realized.
i was fortunate enough that my husband agreed in that he didn't want any man telling him what he had to do, or how to live, and so left with me.
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Heartbreaker
Oh, I'm not hiding from them (elders), and I will not tell my children to shush themselves...if they feel compelled to tell the drop bys or the family still trying to have a relationship with the kids (husbands side) that they celebrate birthdays or holidays, then they will tell them what they want. First person to make my child feel badly for chosing that path will be the first one cut off from talking to them in the future. I will fiercely protect my children, that is my vow. I regret ever putting them in the situation of being around negativity, mind control, guilt, and the plain crazies. No more.
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36
Follow up to my saga
by Heartbreaker ini realize i'm a bit quiet here, and most if not all won't remember my story, so here is a brief synopsis.
i recently decided that i'd rather pursue life rather than a future life promised but not realized.
i was fortunate enough that my husband agreed in that he didn't want any man telling him what he had to do, or how to live, and so left with me.
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Heartbreaker
Thank you, each and every one of you for your replies. I so enjoyed reading them, and they were very encouraging.
My family is doing very well, we are happy, healthy, and well. That is the most and the least I would want, and the friends will come, we will add people to our lives because there is something solid in common, not a territory card drawing our house in the map. We will attach ourselves to things that are good for our hearts and our minds, and heal from all of this. I know this. It's the interrim that is hard. I love that I can come here, and "feel" that connection. There are already ones here I look for and feel like I can get a sense of your personalities, and it's comforting.
I do feel like I should clear two small things up....first, this visit was outside in our yard as we were cooking on the grill, so we couldn't very well shut the door. Secondly my husband DID tell them that they were just men, standing in OUR yard, and we don't answer to them or anyone else, that our personal relationship with our Heavenly Father was just that, personal. I believe he said something very near that at least twice. I have a mind to email the CO with the July 8th question from readers reply and a request to please call before coming by, as drop ins are not appreciated.
Having said that I feel the situation will soon resolve itself, either by us moving, or by them deciding to "keep the congregation clean" and weed us out. Like we didn't weed ourselves out months ago. Sheesh
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36
Follow up to my saga
by Heartbreaker ini realize i'm a bit quiet here, and most if not all won't remember my story, so here is a brief synopsis.
i recently decided that i'd rather pursue life rather than a future life promised but not realized.
i was fortunate enough that my husband agreed in that he didn't want any man telling him what he had to do, or how to live, and so left with me.
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Heartbreaker
I realize I'm a bit quiet here, and most if not all won't remember my story, so here is a brief synopsis. I recently decided that I'd rather pursue life rather than a future life promised but not realized. I was fortunate enough that my husband agreed in that he didn't want any man telling him what he had to do, or how to live, and so left with me. His reasons are more out of just wanting to be left alone, my reasons pointed more towards realizing this whole religion is really a misleading business. When we stopped going to the meetings, which our intent was to fade, but once we missed a few meetings, it was just too sweet to go and suffer through, so we left....just like ripping off an old bandaid, just left. It took a few weeks and we received a few voicemails, one card saying that they hoped our illness didn't last long (we were sick? Huh, didn't realize) and then we had the CO (isn't that what they call them now? congregation overseer instead of Presiding overseer?) drop by unannounced to upbuild us. He asked a lot of prying questions, and we did our best at smiling, professing to being absolutely fine, deflecting direct question by round about non answers. We received just a few more phone calls, all elders, all went to voicemail. Meanwhile I had started letting myself really think about my upbringing, in a household where there was molesting of my sisters, but not me, the youngest. Well that was the story I was told my whole life, but that didn't add up because I always had inappropriate flashes and memories that didn't jive if I wasn't affected. So I asked my family for some time by myself, because I was dealing with some things. Regretably they feel that my lack of meeting attendance is related to these memories (some new, and some that I've ignored or explained away) and that isn't the case at all. The one has nothing to do with the other, save the fact that I can think clearly and logically now that I don't have the hamster wheel of busy making that the JWs love to spin on. I can sit, meditate, think. I went off sleep medication that I was on from nightmares, let them come...journalled etc. I felt like I had enough information to feel that my children where no longer absolutely safe to be at my parents house, because yes, my father was the perpetrator, and he was forgiven on more than one occasion, spanning different decades, but same type of abuse towards his own flesh and blood. My parents started pressing me for time with my kids, and I kept backing away more and more...couple this with all the memories flowing fast and furious.
My mother then cornered me and demanded answers, via email. So I let her have it, both barrels. I unloaded all the memories, the feelings it evoked in me, things I remembered and explained away or repressed from all the way back as a 5 year old (I'm in my mid thirties). She not only accused me of being out of my mind, needing therapy and medication, but she excused and defended my father yet again, told me I was crazy, nothing ever happened to me, that I was damaging her mentally, emotionally, and if she continued to discuss this even physically she was afraid. She told me I shouldn't have been so nosy to have listened in to conversations of the accusations, and then blamed my sisters for telling me and filling my head (they didn't) and all sorts of pointing of fingers and blaming, but accepting none for herself and for her husband. Told me how much I was hurting them, and how I was out of my mind for leaving Jehovah. That she tested out the truth, and verified it for herself, that there is nothing else out there....that I should think of my children. Then I replied, told her I was sorry she had to attack me, and no support for me, but that she was wrong, I'm not ill, don't need to be medicated, and lastly I am happy and well and I was going to live my life. She replied that she just can't talk to me anymore and she had to leave this alone before it affected her health.
This was all last weekend. Today she forwards me some contrived email about a mothers (jehovah) love for her kid, that when the child went to the lake and was attacked by an alligator (satan) the mother didn't let go, and then a farmer came along (the brotherhood) and shot the alligator the child proudly showed his scars, not of the alligator but of the mother clawing her childs arms....indicating that she won't give up on me.
What the heck does she want me to do? Run back and ignore that she left me and my children many times with a predator? That this predator was "dealt with" within the congregation and never received therapy? Whatever! And that isn't even the reason I left the meetings at all, but they don't divide the two.
THEN Monday night two elders show up, and start asking us what our decision is, because they just need to know. They repeat probably about 20 times that they just need to know what our intentions are towards being in the congregation. We refused to answer, the conversation would take turns to here and there, but they kept bringing it around to that. My husband stated that he would never go back to THAT hall specifically because of the botched way the elders handled a situation within the congregation a couple years ago, a brother kept touching our child...we brought the matter to the elders, a committee was formed, he was allowed to councel US from the scriptures etc...it was never handled, then in the middle of the night he and his wife moved. Very abrupt. This elder stood on our property Monday night and denied that there was ever a committee for that, that what we were really meeting about was whether or not I had given this individual a moniker that indicated that I thought he was a molester. I couldn't believe it. I looked to my husband so he could see the out right lies and hypocrisy...he saw it. He told him in so many words that we not only met, but 5 times we met, each and every time with that CO!!! How could he deny it? Then he says that they are lucky they aren't dealing with him today, he'd have just went to that man and beat the sh$t out of him. Of course they were all offended my husband used that language and were condemning of that. Finally I said I tell you what, you want an answer from us, for what...so you can what? They wouldn't finish my sentence, so I told them I had no interest being in a hall with people such as them, that I wanted nothing to do with that specific congregation, and that's what they could take home with them. As for my attendance of another hall, that was undecided and up to us, not them, and none of their business. When it happened, we'd let them know.
Add to this, my youngest son comes out and says that we "do parties now" He wasn't specific, but this elder brings out right away "Yes, so why do you feel it's ok for you to celebrate birthdays??" We never told him we did, but my husband didn't want to hide, so he said yep he sure did, just recently, and tried to explain that the examples in the bible are of the people that are bad, not the occasion, and then of Job, and they said nothing about that...just that NOW, as a WHOLE, the JWs don't celebrate that...it's bad. I said well the bible doesn't say it's bad, and I'd be more apt to look at the bible than what a group consensus says they'd do. They didn't like that either. Then my husband said birthdays were just as bad and pagan as the wedding rings that all 4 of us were wearing, and the CO said that no, that was a symbol of love...and I interuppted and said no, it's of pagan origin, you can't pick and choose. He got really fired up mad then, said they don't pick and chose, they follow everything from the FDS, and I said yes, and I follow the bible and not men. My relationship with Jah is not up to them, nor do I have to explain my every move to men. They hated that too. Then I brought up the article in the Awake that put birthdays/pinatas etc as a conscience matter, and they denied it being written. I couldn't remember the exact date, but they said I was reading into to suit my needs, and that it was just about pinatas. I said "reading into it to suit my needs? Kind of like saying all birthdays are bad because something bad was noted in the bible on two occasions?" Then group went silent. This "visit" lasted about 45 minutes, and it was miserable and unwanted.
So, that's where we stand...neither family talking to us, all friends and acquintances from all our lives disowning us, and we are just by ourselves, with our children. It's very lonely. We feel like we should just leave the area, we are in a position soon to uproot and leave, and are looking at other places to live an start all over.
So, think they have enough on us to DF us with never meeting with us again?
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ethical consequences of faking reinstatement...
by drew sagan ini know that there are enough of you out there who can add good points to this discussion, and i await your opinions.
however, please be aware that i wish for you to take great care in your posts.
i am not interested in haphazard responses.. so as to not give away too many details, i'll simply say that recent events have caused my in-laws to strongly desire my wife to fake a reinstatement.
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Heartbreaker
I was reinstated to appease my parents, and to help with my two children, as at the time I was divorced single mother. I regret it. Of course I couldn't have met my husband that I have now, so it's hard to play that mind game, but I regret going back. It's a damaging religion, and there is no easy way to just have a toe in so to speak. If you have children it will be so hard for them to understand.
If your sister in law is so stanch in her religion and her efforts in being a "good jw" then she will likely never be satisfied by your wife being just a toe in, and mostly living her life. That will only set up more resentment and pain for all involved. I would reason with her in that living a lie by going back is just as miserable as living in the truth, but wishing to leave. Maybe even worse because she's tasted life.
Too bad you can't just tell the sister in law at what lengths they would go to to have a relationship with her, and let her see that love for her and it be enough....but we all know that doesn't happen in the jws for the most part. Also, her parents must really have a low respect for what they should view as Jah's Holy Spirit, in thinking she can dupe THAT and be reinstated. Shows the level of their beliefs and spirituality as it relates to the JWs. Something to think about there.
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Prison
by Heartbreaker inso if the org is a greedy corporation, which is interested in money, why preach in the prisons?
what is the point in that?.
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Heartbreaker
So if the org is a greedy corporation, which is interested in money, why preach in the prisons? What is the point in that?
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So my elder/dad says he will shun me....i figured as much...
by oompa inso i know many of you guys say the best way to show dubs is to be all happy and all when you exit.....but not all of us are doin that well at it....even though i have lost all friends from my dub life....i really dont want to lose my son and folks....this would happen if i end this odd and painful arrangement of a marriage to a really wonderful wife who is hardcore jw.
my desire for freedom and normal social life, and the 800 lb gorilla in the room we live with are not doing so well...........i am tired of having to leave the house and go in the garage to talk on the phone with my non-dub friends.....tired of totally separate social lives.......tired of rules in place that prevent us from speaking about certain taboo topics with each other........my mental/emotional state is not well and has not been for four years.
so i spoke with my dad very openly and honestly about how i have had to wear "masks" through life....one for school since third grade to fit in....another for my parents and jw friends........and that now i still lead a double life when not around my wife........told him outright i feel jws meet every single definition of a cult btw.......he already knew i felt that way but had never said it so directly........i asked him if he felt history repeats itself and could fds not be just like the scribes and pharisees that made so many rules for gods people that they had actually corrupted gods message............he said he has wondered that before too.
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Heartbreaker
(((((((((((((((((((oompa)))))))))))))))))))))