ethical consequences of faking reinstatement...

drew sagan

I know that there are enough of you out there who can add good points to this discussion, and I await your opinions. However, please be aware that I wish for you to take great care in your posts. I am not interested in haphazard responses.

So as to not give away too many details, I'll simply say that recent events have caused my in-laws to strongly desire my wife to fake a reinstatement. She is seriously considering this, mainly because she realizes that her only sibling will never compromise (as opposed to her parents that have) leaving the only possibility for a relationship to be a reinstatement. The end result is a 'conspiracy' of sorts, in which my wife and her parents work togeather to bring their family back togeather. Here are some of the things I am worried about:

All three will refrain from informing the sibling about the plot, making continual deception a reality for my wife. She must always 'play the part' of a JW.
It has been a number of years since we left the JWs. We rarely think about JWs anymore, and are happy not thinking about it. My wife will be subjected to JW experiences, meaning that those elements will be making it back into our house.
I am worried about the compromised my wife is asked to make snowballing, creating stress and anxiety (note: she has stated that if it is too much she will opt out, although I'm affraid this may create resentment from her partents for not 'doing enough).
I hate to see my wife humliate herself like this, its just an uncomfortable feeling.
I tend to feel that if all this effort is going to be given, the parents at least need to 'give up' something (agreeing to reading coc, isocf in return). Is that too much to ask?

There are many (many!) other things, but these are some of the main ones I feel like sharing.

To be clear, it is my wifes decision to go back. But these decisions don't just effect her, but both of us. I know that none of you are able to determine what it is worth to go through such things because you do not know our situation. I understand that each person has to determine if it is 'worth it', and that is the best that we can do.

If any of you have done this fill us in, your experience is greatly appreciated.

Open mind

G***** did it.

Just took a look and perhaps he/she didn't want this public knowledge now.

There were threads about it.

I'll find a safe one.

om

Heartbreaker

I was reinstated to appease my parents, and to help with my two children, as at the time I was divorced single mother. I regret it. Of course I couldn't have met my husband that I have now, so it's hard to play that mind game, but I regret going back. It's a damaging religion, and there is no easy way to just have a toe in so to speak. If you have children it will be so hard for them to understand.

If your sister in law is so stanch in her religion and her efforts in being a "good jw" then she will likely never be satisfied by your wife being just a toe in, and mostly living her life. That will only set up more resentment and pain for all involved. I would reason with her in that living a lie by going back is just as miserable as living in the truth, but wishing to leave. Maybe even worse because she's tasted life.

Too bad you can't just tell the sister in law at what lengths they would go to to have a relationship with her, and let her see that love for her and it be enough....but we all know that doesn't happen in the jws for the most part. Also, her parents must really have a low respect for what they should view as Jah's Holy Spirit, in thinking she can dupe THAT and be reinstated. Shows the level of their beliefs and spirituality as it relates to the JWs. Something to think about there.

Gregor

Took a shot at it for fam. reasons. Couldn't do it. Too much ass kissing and since I was DF'd for apostasy they were going to make me jump through hoops for at least a year. It just wasn't me.

cantleave

When I first read this it seemed a strange scenario. But is it any different to someone like myself, fading and putting on a pretense so that I don't end up DF'd? I put in an occasional appearance at the meetings, use health and family issues as excuses for poor attendance and even put in reports for FS that I haven't done. All this so that my family, especially my mother, think I am in good standing.

Your wife has to do what she feels comfortable with. How easy would it be for someone to out her as still DF'd to those who matter? Such an exposure may have ramifications that could result in further alienation of the realtionship she is trying to save.

She needs to think through all the possibilities and how she would deal with each one and then make the decision as tgo what to do.

drew sagan

Also, her parents must really have a low respect for what they should view as Jah's Holy Spirit, in thinking she can dupe THAT and be reinstated. Shows the level of their beliefs and spirituality as it relates to the JWs. Something to think about there.

I would characterize her partents as liberal, but stubborn. They pick and choose what they believe (and see) from the faith. They do what they want, and ignore the advice they don't like. At times this has led me to believe that her parents are on the edge of leaving (specifically, her mother. my f-i-l is not baptized). But I'm not quite sure. From what I understand my m-i-l strongly holds on to 'the basics (no hell, paradise, no trinity, etc) and ignores what she wants.

Goshawk

Gregor I think he is talking about using the system to 'eat its own brains' as it were.

Using the systems lack of checks and balances to get reinstated (from the perspective of the Borganization) w/o the crap they put you through.

chickpea

i have to ask what good is a family relationship
built on deceit and deliberate disinformation?

that is crazy... and in the long run worthless...
nothing genuine and totally unloving to the
sibling who is the target of the dupe...

i hope she declines and the in-laws grow
a pair and decide if they are in or out.....

bad bad idea on so many levels

drew sagan

Another concern that just came to my mind.

This plan also puts into peril the relationship between my wifes parents and her sibling. If the truth was revealed, they could possibly loose contact as well (e.g. angry sibling: "you mean she was lying and you knew about it!")

Open mind

Started by Mary:

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/118951/1/NEED-ADVICE-ON-FAKING-A-REINSTATEMENT

There's a lot of good feedback on that thread, including some from Blondie.

om

ethical consequences of faking reinstatement...

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