For some people I have an emotion that I don't know if it can be labeled as pity per say. There's one sister at my congregation who is the epitome of irritation. She whines, complains, is unsatisfied about her lot in life, can be selfish, and is just a miserable person to be around. I'm convinced that if it wasn't for this religion, she'd have nothing and nobody in this life. With this religion, it gives her a reason to feel special, it provides her with an ego. When her workmates celebrate someone's birthday, she can feel special because she's one of Jehovah's Witnesses. A bunch of other Christians are celebrating Easter, well she's one of Jehovah's Witnesses and she's going to observe the Memorial this Sunday, April 17th 2011. You get my drift, she's not just a Christian, she's a True Christian, one of Jehovah's Witnesses. When you read that, did you hear the angels singing in the background?
I understand more than ever what Nietzche meant when he said that religion is a disease and its designed to bring the healthy down onto the same level as the sick. People like this sister, are sick, and most people avoid her like the plague that she is. However with the peculiar social dynamics of this religion, its not an easy task to get away from people like her. As a result when I see her, and people like her at the hall, I feel a combination of pity, but I also have resentment towards them because I desperately want to put as much distance between myself and people like her as possible, but there's consequences involving my family and reputation if I put too much distance between myself and the sick.
There's another, older brother at my hall whom I love dearly, but I have some criticism towards him as he's a company man through and through. I don't want to get into that, but this past week after the meeting, I was making my way up the parking lot to my car. It was dark outside, and I saw this van heading towards my direction, and I didn't recognize it until it pulled up beside me and the window came down. It was him and his wife, two of the nosiest people you could ever come across, but they have a lot of good qualities too which I feel needs to be mentioned anytime their negatives are discussed. He told me he looked forward to seeing me on Sunday, and told me that I won't see him on Saturday for whatever reasons. I said ok, and wished them well, drive safe and all that jazz. As I said, they're older, and when they pulled off I thought to myself how delusional they are for believing in this organization. However, this organization is all they have. In that sense I pity them because they've invested more into this organization than I'm prepared to do at this time. But this religion gives them a hope, and it would be cruel if that was taken away from them after all these years. So again, I feel pity, but at the same time a tinge of resentment because what gives them hope, is the source of my discontent.
Is there a word or term that implies both hope and resentment at the same time?
