Welcome kayanow!
Some here may understand your reasons for wanting or having to go back.
Personally I would discourage you unless you are going back for the sake of family and friends.
Just hang in there, and some good advice could soon come along.
Hopefully you are in the process of getting more informed about TATT, although of course I believe it is much safer to first learn as much as you can about the "unabridged gospel" of grace (starting with the books of Romans and Galatians).
In the mean time are you able to fill us in with more details?
This might help improve the quality of advice.
Some here were elders for several decades, and know the ropes well.
Greetings
Fernando