boyzone - WOW! That's all I can say...that letter was so DEEP and full of emotion!!! Beautifully written and truly explains how 'trifflin' shunning really is.
babygirl30
JoinedPosts by babygirl30
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I would like to hear your experiences with being SHUNNED
by jwfacts ini am going to put together a page of short experiences of how shunning has affected exjws.
you do not have to be disfellowshipped, even if you were shunned after being marked or after fading.
all comments are welcome, such as who shunned you, how long since family have spoken to you, what your situation is, why you are being shunned and how it has made you feel.
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This commercial illustrates why I envy those who didn't grow up in a JW household.
by miseryloveselders ini don't want to sound like i'm whining and for the record, i'm not mad at my parents at all.
i love them dearly, and i have many fond memories of my youth despite the jw upbringing.
at the same time, i often wonder what it would have been like to play sports during my school days.
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babygirl30
The MOST my parents permitted was me playing instruments (piano and flute)...but NOTHING past that! My father (an athlete himself) FORBID me - his naturally athletic daughter - to play basketball or tennis. No afterschool activities (not even meeting up at a classmates home to work on a project - I always ended up 'inconveniencing' everyone by making them meet at the library cause MOM didn't want 'unnecessary worldly association'). When I hear my BF tell stories of riding his bike with the neighborhood kids, playing football, going to his prom, hanging out at friends houses...and I feel like a retard cause I don't HAVE stories like that!!! My JW family didn't DO those things.
I give my parents credit for giving me VERY high morals and all, but the method they used (JW religion) gave them an excuse to be hard-nosed! My parents didn't bend - EVER. If ANY brother on the platform said "x is bad and so is y" then my parents took that as the voice of God giving them direction...so that made it difficult as a kid.
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Fade to white
by Sojourn inever since i was a kid, i felt so lucky - so lucky (i know, i know) that out of all the religions in the world, i happened to be born into a family that practiced the one true religion in all the universe.
it seemed much to good to be true, but i always thought it was such a happy coincidence.
my immediate family and grandparents were jehovah's witnesses.. .
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babygirl30
I'm hungry...guess that's where that came from! - hehehehe
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Fade to white
by Sojourn inever since i was a kid, i felt so lucky - so lucky (i know, i know) that out of all the religions in the world, i happened to be born into a family that practiced the one true religion in all the universe.
it seemed much to good to be true, but i always thought it was such a happy coincidence.
my immediate family and grandparents were jehovah's witnesses.. .
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babygirl30
It's like eating at the same restaurant your entire life...swearing up and down it's the BEST food in town!!! You try to 'sell' the place to everyone you know, convicincing them it's SO good and fresh. You make them promises that the restaurants food is so amazing that they will never leave hungry - and they give you SO much, that it's inevitable they will leave with leftovers. Finally ONE (out of 35) of your friends decides to check the restaurant out. Afterwards they call you and tell you that the restaurant - the one you bragged about being SO good and having the BEST food - is disgusting! They tell you about the bad service, how the place smells like something is rotten, the floors are sticky and full of crumbs, there are rodents running around the place, and the food is burned and far from fresh. then another friend goes and tells you the same thing...then another friend. Now YOU go back to the restaurant and objectively LOOK at the place - and you see it - the place IS nasty!!!!
It's crazy how when IN the JW bubble, you rarely see things for how they really are. You believe what you want to believe because it's all you've known. But once you step back and really LOOK at the religion, what it teaches, how the people conduct themselves...you get a glimpse into the reality that alluded you for so long. Welcome to the board!!!!!
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Circuit Overseers, their roles, and their spouses
by garyneal inmy wife and i took a trip yesterday to deliver her camera to her mom so she may take it with her as she goes to kentucky where the need is greattm.
her mom is currently still in virginia staying with some brothers there while she gets schooled in giving talks (at least i think that is what she is doing).
i met the co's wife at the petersburg kh and after we dropped the camera off, my wife and i went to have dinner before returning home.. i ask about circuit overseers and their role because i was intrigued to learn that the kh we went to had an apartment for the co.. apparently, co's have no job of their own outside the watchtower activities and while my wife insisted that they did not 'take a vow of poverty' like the catholic clergy do, they technically do.
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babygirl30
I always assumed that since the CO took a 'vow' to serve as a 'slave' in that capacity, that his wife also had to take that vow to live the SAME way and to support her man?! As for having a children, I know of one CO who had kids before getting into the work...but again, always believed that NOT having children was part of the position.
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JWs advocate for the release of the Yorkshire Ripper
by brizzzy inhttp://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1295224/yorkshire-ripper-peter-sutcliffe-spend-rest-life-bars.html.
check out the blue box.
of course jehovah's witnesses would adamantly vouch for a serial killer convicted of butchering 13 women.
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babygirl30
I find it bizarre that my brother elder PO would have no qualms talking to Peter Sutcliffe or Michael Porter - they are his brothers now.
And yet he shuns me.
My point EXACTLY! An admitted violent serial killer is now 'rehabilitated' because he studies the NWT with some JWs - so HE is deemed acceptable to associate with. But a DF'd person who has done nothing even CLOSE to that - is to be shunned?! OH...the irony.
Wait on Jehovah and rely on the men that He has chosen.
If dude gets out, the ONLY thing they will be 'waiting' on is how long it takes this nut to kill again. and since these 'chosen men' allowed him into the flock and put the rest of the congregation at risk - that makes THEM bloodguilty!
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Young Jehovah's Witness commits to Pioneer work
by brizzzy inhttp://blog.al.com/living-times/2010/07/young_jehovahs_witness_commits.html.
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ugh.
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babygirl30
That article, although sweet in nature, really only served as propaganda for the young girl, her family, and JWs. What happened to NOT making a specticle of oneself????? The story did nothing more then make her look CRAZY (and her parents to boot for cosigning everything in the background).
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Today is my 2yr Anniversary of being OUT of JWs - honoring it with a letter! (long)
by babygirl30 intoday is my 2yr anniversary since being df'd - and my life has changed a lot!!!
this is a letter i wrote to my parents...i did see/talk to them in feb when i had my surgery, but of course as it goes, now that i'm 'better' - they are back to shunning me.
so this was sent to them both, so that they understood that despite all the jw bull ish, and how they are treating me now - i'm ok and happy!
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babygirl30
changeling I have no idea what cognitive-dissonance is? Sorry! I do believe that SOMETHING has to happen to this world/earth as it's getting SO bad that for it to go on THIS way much longer doesn't make sense to me...could be wrong?!
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Today is my 2yr Anniversary of being OUT of JWs - honoring it with a letter! (long)
by babygirl30 intoday is my 2yr anniversary since being df'd - and my life has changed a lot!!!
this is a letter i wrote to my parents...i did see/talk to them in feb when i had my surgery, but of course as it goes, now that i'm 'better' - they are back to shunning me.
so this was sent to them both, so that they understood that despite all the jw bull ish, and how they are treating me now - i'm ok and happy!
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30
Today is my 2yr Anniversary of being OUT of JWs - honoring it with a letter! (long)
by babygirl30 intoday is my 2yr anniversary since being df'd - and my life has changed a lot!!!
this is a letter i wrote to my parents...i did see/talk to them in feb when i had my surgery, but of course as it goes, now that i'm 'better' - they are back to shunning me.
so this was sent to them both, so that they understood that despite all the jw bull ish, and how they are treating me now - i'm ok and happy!
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babygirl30
Today is my 2yr anniversary since being DF'd - and my life has CHANGED a lot!!! This is a letter I wrote to my parents...I did see/talk to them in Feb when I had my surgery, but of course as it goes, now that I'm 'better' - they are back to shunning me. So this was sent to THEM both, so that they understood that despite all the JW bull ish, and how they are treating me now - I'm ok and happy!
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My therapist has been working with me on love and forgiveness this past year - forgiving myself for all the mistakes I have made in my past AND also forgiving (letting go of) all the injustices done towards me. In that lesson, she has encouraged me to write down all my feelings in a journal, which I regularly do! But in keeping notes on things, I wanted to take a few minutes to write you both.
The other day I was cleaning out old papers, and found this card (dad) that I got for you. It had this beautiful poem in it and I had every intention of reading that card to you at my wedding. :-( Of course that wedding never took place - and for that I am VERY grateful!!!! Still, finding that card reminded me of how different things are now; how different I am now. As I sat there reading, I kept trying to remember WHO I was at that point...where my head was at. So I looked at pics (from 2yrs ago) desperately wanting to know that girl in those pics. Admittedly, I don't recognize her anymore - and that is something I am extremely proud of. Where those in the org may see a change for worst, I see and feel 10x BETTER then I ever have - even when I was little. Can't explain it, but I feel like I'm finally making my own choices and have the freedom to do so. Please do not think that I'm taking tha 'freedom' and running wild...that is nowhere near the truth. No matter what assumptions are made over me and what my life is like now, the truth is that it's peaceful for the first time EVER! Although my lifestyle has changed and grown, the 'inner' person is and always will be the same. Still very independent (even moreso now...), still very stubborn - like you dad, and still have a very big heart and want to help everyone I can (like you mom). That core person is someone I continue to hold onto and will never change...THAT is the person that keeps me grounded and out of 'bars and beds' that I have no business in! (haha - that was a cheap joke...sorry)!!! :-) Point is, that I'm sure no matter what religion our family would've been, the same morals would've been instilled in us, and for that I thank you. Respect, compassion, love, humility - all things that you guys taught me - all qualities that I NOW demand from others in my life because that is what I freely express.
Then it dawned me on that I never really have THANKED either one of you for all you did. The loans when needed, paying for the wedding and engagement party, supporting me by going to court with me when I needed it most...and many many more things too numerous to mention. Granted we can't pick our family like we pick our friends, and YES there were times I was so angry at you for your decision to shun me the way you did, but after some time and really putting forth the effort to comprehend why you made this choice - I can honestly say to you both: 'its ok'. What I mean by that is it's 'ok' that you don't call me, see me, allow me to see the kitties, (my niece), or speak to me. It's not that I don't care, because I DO care about you both feel about what's gone on up to this point, but in the end I have to respect your decisions JUST as you also have to respect mine. It's unfortunate that our blood relation is ursurped by a 'belief' - but that is how things are, and as I said, it's ok. We all have different personalities (although I know mine resembles dad and (sis)'s mom) but they haven't always mixed well and probably never will...it's no longer the child/parent dynamic but adult parent/adult daughter in place, and that seems to have always been misunderstood by all of us on so many levels over the years. Respect does not mean that you have to LIKE that person or what they do! It just means that you allow them to be/do as they see fit (within reason of course) and make a CHOICE not to force your ideas/opinion/belief on them as they do the same for you. Taken me such a long time to let that sink in because that's not what I was taught...but it's now what I've come to believe is the true meaning of that word.
In the past I would've apologized for everything I've done, for every choice I've made, or for doing anything - IF it meant that everyone would like me or that you guys would 'approve' of me as a person. Well, the beauty of working on myself is coming into my 'own' so to speak. The only person I owe any apology to is Jehovah...he has an always will 'hear' my prayers begging for forgiveness for hurting HIM in any of my actions! On the flip side, my thanks goes out to you both for instilling in me qualities and values that so many people in the 'world' do not have the faintest clue about. Those values make me 'special' and I honor you both for those. Thankfully I'm at a point in my life where I'm accepting a lot of things that used to scare me in the past, most importantly, that I don't NEED to have everyone 'accept' me or my choices. Kinda funny, but my therapist would tell you that THAT statement alone "I don't need to have everyone accept me or my choices" too me forever to say out loud!! LOL!! Doesn't mean I don't love others, or that people and their 'rights' don't make a difference to me...no...it signifies that I need to accept (babygirl) as a whole, and with that came a freedom from feelings of guilt and low self esteem that I will never be able to explain to you or anyone else. Accepting myself gave me power - strength to let go of things and baggage that I've allowed to dictate my reasoning and thought process all these years. It's ok to use my head and not my 'looks', it's ok to NOT like everyone - and not deal with those that are not trustworthy, it's ok to be discerning, it's ok to dig 'deeper' into things that I don't understand, it's ok to question things and to use my God given critical thinking ability. The last thing I remember you (mom) saying to me through tears was "you are not living up to your dedication". For some reason that has stuck with me all this time, and instead of falling back on my usual 'acceptance' of whatever was told to me - I stopped and broke that down. It was made clear that no grown unbaptized children would live in the Vaughn household - so at 14 I made my 'dedication'. What's amazing to me is that back then...I believed it, never questioned it, went with it cause THAT is all I knew. But now, at 32 with a year under my belt of hard work, I can't believe I did that. Think of it this way: at 14 I couldn't legally drive, couldn't get married in ANY of the 50 contiugous States, I couldn't buy a home, can't even work FT because of being considered a minor. AND YET, at 14 I was somehow 'qualified' to make a LIFELONG dedication to a belief that I didn't know anything about...nothing past the fact that it was 'all I knew' and had ever known. Even crazier, that I am held TO a decision that I made as a minor and that has affected my life right down to this day. Breaks my heart to think of kids who were even younger then me taking that leap with NO real knowledge of all that weight entails. That lightbulb moment doesn't for one minute shake my belief in Jehovah, Jesus, the holy spirit, and the this system of things is going down the drain! All it did was give me my power, the power to think and reason, and the opportunity to question everything I thought I knew in this life. To me, that is what adults are supposed to do, isn't it?
In closing, I used to always believe that someone getting DF'd meant they had a bad attitude or that they were just a horrible person and so NOBODY should be nice to them or love them...but the (babygirl) of today knows better!!! Sometimes I think back to how I used to wrinkle my nose up at someone who had been DF'd, or gossip about what they 'probably' did ... and now I AM one of those DF'd, and I pray for forgiveness over my mindset towards those I wrinkled my face at - and see a clearer picture of how THEY must've felt or what they went through on a daily basis. IN the org, it must be difficult emotionally for you 2 in acknowledging that you daughter is no longer a JW, and in stating that, you must know that it was never my intention to put either of you in that type of situation. Nobody should ever look down on you guys for MY decisions. But ironically, nobody should look down on ME either. A year ago it hurt to have my entire world ripped from me in 1 night...and to lose all the 'friends' I had. But in the end, I need to thank all involved - cause this scenario has taught me SO much about me as a person, and also about 'conditional' relationships in my life. My relationships now are based on unconditional qualities, and that has helped me develop into the person I am today. Our relationship as parent/child sadly has been affected by my decision not to return as a JW, and if that is how things will be till the day one of us passes away in death, you MUST believe that I love you with all my heart and I forgive you. All mistakes in the past are just that - in the past. Not angry at Ben anymore, not angry at the elders, never EVER was angry at Jehovah as this is not his fault, and can't bring myself to stay angry at you both for your choice. My faith relies SOLELY in Jehovah and the fact that he and only he, can read my heart - not a judicial committee, not a congregation, and not my mom and dad. That may be my only saving grace, and that's ok with me. As human beings, we make sacrifices, it's a part of life! As bothersome as is the sacrifice of my family for the decisions I've made, it would be a dishonor to myself to go back to living a life of 'don't ask - don't tell' that I always thought WAS the way to go. Trust that I will continue to grow and mature everyday, but even though that journey cannot have my mom and dad behind me as a support - you will both be in my heart and on my mind because I love YOU unconditionally.