Dubstepped you are totally right...the org doesn't guilt you into doing more it shames you , guilt can on occasion be healthy shame never is.
New day you could try looking up shame..and some ways to combat it. Mindfulness is another fantastic tool for combatting depression...and walking. Every day.And by the way I have known some wonderful elders who have had the most posative impact on my life, and I'm an atheist now but I'm still grateful - so don't worry about the past we can only do our best with the tools we have at the time.
All the best.