Posts by Michelle365

11

New Program ?

by man in black in

jw
friends

this afternoon my wife received aphone call from an old elder friend, she was quite surprised.. we da'd ourselves a little over a year ago.. he basically invited us to the memorial on tuesday night, and he went into some story about how many people in the hall.

are inactive/da'd/ df'd.

and he launched into some info.

Michelle365

Very interesting, Man In Black. I'd be interested in that info as well. Although if it was some new "program" wouldn't most of us have gotten a similar call?

29

How many DF'ed on this board have actually had...

by tenyearsafter in

how many disfellowshipped ones on this board have actually had follow up elder visits "encouraging" them to return to the meetings?.

i have been df'ed for 15 years now, and i have never had one visit (i am not saying that is a bad thing!

) from an elder encouraging me to return to the organization.

Michelle365

I've only been df'd for 4 months but no memorial invite for any of the 3 years I've been "gone". The only Elder contact I've had since I left is the hounding and trying to get proof of my evil. No encouragment type visits at all.

14

Terry's New Article on Freeminds

by sweet pea in

terry has come up trumps once again - a great article for doubting witnesses, reassuring them they are not alone and encouraging them to face their fears and explore further .

http://www.freeminds.org/support/cult-survival/when-the-truth-is-not-enough.html.

email it to any jw you know having doubts.. thank you terry..

Michelle365

Great article!

51

Has anyone tried to prevent ex-spouse from training the kids as JWs?

by Michelle365 in

i am at the point in my custody battle where i need to decide if i'm gonna "go for the gold" and bring religion into the fight.

my lawyer thinks i have a chance based on the parental alienation aspect of the religion.

i'm df'd and my kids are being raised to turn against me.

Michelle365

Thanks GaryNeal. I appreciate the surport & encouragement. I'll keep you guys up to date. The next thing we have to do is to meet with the Parenting Coordinator on April 7th. That's IF my ex decides to show up.

51

Has anyone tried to prevent ex-spouse from training the kids as JWs?

by Michelle365 in

i am at the point in my custody battle where i need to decide if i'm gonna "go for the gold" and bring religion into the fight.

my lawyer thinks i have a chance based on the parental alienation aspect of the religion.

i'm df'd and my kids are being raised to turn against me.

Michelle365

Garyneal—I just don’t know how to prevent him from controlling me. Everytime I stand up to him, he makes the kids suffer. He knows this and uses it to continue to control me. It’s really only been this last year that I’ve finally cleared my head enough to figure out that he’s controlling me. I was raised a JW so I was just so used to being controlled that I really didn’t comprehend it. I started to wake up when I left in Nov ‘06’ but it’s taken me a while to heal and grow and learn. That situation with your wife and daughter sounds awful and I’m sorry that you are having to deal with this now. It must be heartbreaking. You said “You can't stop him from involving them in HIS religion why they are with him but he also has no right to push his religious beliefs on you and your kids in your own house.” That is exactly where I am at now and why I’ve taken him back to court. It’s difficult. VERY difficult as you seen yourself, these are not people you can reason with. They are doing “god’s work” and the children MUST be indoctrinated in order to be saved. Sigh.

Ziddina—I really only have one friend that knows both of us AND the religion. She’s been very helpful in getting me to see all the control issues but she & I are both at a loss with this stuff. All of the rest of the friends that I had that knew him are of course still IN the religion. It’s so hard to brainstorm this, which is why I brought it here. I was hoping that there would be others that have experienced this or are willing to brainstorm. I admit that he is still controlling me but I don’t think it’s good little wife or JW or anything like that. I don’t feel that type of tie to the religion at all. That was not hard for me to drop. He’s greatest tool against me is making my kids suffer. He can get me to do anything in order to prevent that and he uses it to the full. I just don’t know how to beat that. My atheismness is “under the radar” and I’m contemplating going to a church, just don’t know if I can stomach it. Lol.

Emma—No, my ex is definitely not reasonable. I’m working on the strategy, that is partly why I posted this. I’m looking for any strategy tips. It’s been hard for me to do it completely on my own. I have few friends and no family locally.

51

Has anyone tried to prevent ex-spouse from training the kids as JWs?

by Michelle365 in

i am at the point in my custody battle where i need to decide if i'm gonna "go for the gold" and bring religion into the fight.

my lawyer thinks i have a chance based on the parental alienation aspect of the religion.

i'm df'd and my kids are being raised to turn against me.

Michelle365

FoundSheep—Thanks. I’m trying!

Carla—Sorry to hear that you’ve had to deal with a similar situation. I hear what you’re saying about having “no religion”. I’ve considered it too. Our divorce settlement says that he can take them to the meetings on my weekends, so I can’t refuse. That is why we are going back to court now.

Troubled Mind—Actually I do NOT have the right to tell him no and that is why I am taking him back to court. The custody agreement we have now says that he can take the kids on my Sundays. This DOES give him control over me and that’s why I’m trying to fight it. It’s AWFUL! You said “It should be your rules at your house and explain to the children what the terms guilt and manipulation mean and how it is applied . Then help them see how to cope with it in their own lives.” I agree, I’m just having a hard time doing that. I don’t know the best way to explain it to them and what to say as each situation comes up.

AwSnap—Yes exactly! I do feel that it’s “lose, lose” with my children being the BIGGEST losers. It sucks hard core and I’m struggling with the best way to handle it. My Mom is pretty much the only one in my family that keeps up with the girls, and I’m working on building new “worldly” friendships, but it’s slow going.

Terry—Thanks. You brought up a lot of good points. I really appreciate you taking the time to write it out. I need to keep hearing those kind of things.

Lady Lee—Thanks, but I got the brochure off of another thread. I need to sit down and read it! Lol.

51

Has anyone tried to prevent ex-spouse from training the kids as JWs?

by Michelle365 in

i am at the point in my custody battle where i need to decide if i'm gonna "go for the gold" and bring religion into the fight.

my lawyer thinks i have a chance based on the parental alienation aspect of the religion.

i'm df'd and my kids are being raised to turn against me.

Michelle365

Black Sheep—Thanks for the link! Looks interesting!

CrazyBlondeB—I’d love to have that kind of stipulation. Thanks, I’m gonna try for it.

JaimeBowers—He is a nutjob cult member. Lol. We are working with a counselor now and I feel that she is sympathetic to my side. She is supposed to be examining the kids at some point too. It’s just SUCH a sticky thing in this country to get a judge to rule against a religion. My only option in my state is to go for “detriment of parent/child bond”. Seems like an easy thing to prove based on my being df’d and him working the girls towards baptism but I’m not ashamed to say that I’m afraid of the WTBS machine. I’m afraid of forcing the girls to NOT go and alienating them further. I would prefer to continue to just show them a better way and hope they choose the real “truth” but at times feel that is a luxury that I cannot afford. Thanks for writing, AwSnap keeps telling me to contact you, she says you’d be a great support in this area. I just get so overwhelmed at times and the thought of writing out my story in a coherent fashion can be daunting.

GLTirebiter—Yeah he’s also a hypocrite. Lol. So weird for a JW to like that, huh? He & I went to all the Harry Potter movies and LOTR when we were married. But because the Watchtower specifically named Potter, the girls can’t watch it. It’s SUCH crap because he lets him watch worse and he lets them play Xbox & Playstation games that are full of magic and fighting and “too-old” themes. Halo, Oblivion, Morrowwind, etc. It is impossible to reason with him on any such matter. There was a line from the tv show House that I just love. It was something like “you can’t reason with religious people. If you could, there wouldn’t BE any religious people.” Hugh Laurie is so awesome in his delivery and that is how I feel constantly about my ex. I don’t know how to work with someone that has zero reasoning powers.

Thank you everyone for the well wishes and the tips. I am always open to anything that has worked or is working. Keep them coming!

51

Has anyone tried to prevent ex-spouse from training the kids as JWs?

by Michelle365 in

i am at the point in my custody battle where i need to decide if i'm gonna "go for the gold" and bring religion into the fight.

my lawyer thinks i have a chance based on the parental alienation aspect of the religion.

i'm df'd and my kids are being raised to turn against me.

Michelle365

JWoods—you asked if I had primary custody. In Florida we have something called “co-parenting”. We split the time 50/50 and we are supposed to make mutually acceptable decisions regarding, Health, Education, Religion, and I forgot the 4 th one. Lol.

Heartbreaker—I totally agree with you that it’s expensive and often not worth the fight. Right now we alternate weekends my ex takes them to meetings on MY Sundays. He refuses to agree that they don’t have to go so we have to go back to court to get the custody arrangement altered. So since I am ALREADY paying and going through the stress I felt that if I was going to make religion an issue I should do it now rather than later to avoid paying again. I’ve been doing the whole “be the bigger person” and “set the example” thing. But I keep having freak outs that it’s a huge effing cult and I NEED to get the girls out. Lol. I just don’t know anyone that’s done it successfully.

Nugget—You hit right on my problem. He DOES try to enforce his rules in my home using the “the girls are JWs EVERYONE” line of reasoning. Telling the kids “mom’s house, mom’s rules” put the pressure on THEM and it’s not fair. I’ve tried explaining that I don’t tell them what to do at Daddy’s, and that they have to do what I say so they can’t get in trouble with him and if he has a problem I will deal with him. However is the lowest form of lowlife and he will punish them no matter what. It’s the easiest and quickest way to get me to back down because I won’t give him the opportunity to do that to my children. In the end though he is still controlling my life and limiting my parenting of my children. Great news about how your children are adjusting! I’m so happy for your family!

Terry—You said “ May I humbly suggest that the best/only way to combat bad ideas is with better ones?” Sure. Great Suggestion. That is where I am lacking I feel that I don’t have better ideas to replace the bad ones. I don’t get bogged downed in JW doctrine because honestly I’m just not indoctrinated enough on it anymore. I know I can’t hold my own with it. Generally, I just keep asking the kids “why”. Why can’t you do Valentine’s Day? Why can’t you play with your friend from school? The answer is ALWAYS because Daddy will get mad. Never have they said, I don’t want to disobey Jehovah. I’m hoping that he does shitty job of indoctrinating them and they just don’t ever get sucked in. Hope just isn’t enough though I feel the need to be proactive as well. I like the examples you brought out and will try to bring them to a level my girls can grasp.

7

Anyone have the booklet "Preparing for Child Custody Cases"?

by Michelle365 in

thanks in advance if you can provide a copy or link!

i'm in the middle of a custody battle with my jw ex spouse..

Michelle365

I'm keeping all KINDS of files. I have "Generation", "Disfellowshipping", "Blood", to name a few. I still have a brother and a close friend in that I'd like to help someday find their way out. Anything I think can help gets stuck in the file just waiting for the tiny opportunities I get.

51

Has anyone tried to prevent ex-spouse from training the kids as JWs?

by Michelle365 in

i am at the point in my custody battle where i need to decide if i'm gonna "go for the gold" and bring religion into the fight.

my lawyer thinks i have a chance based on the parental alienation aspect of the religion.

i'm df'd and my kids are being raised to turn against me.

Michelle365

Zid you have no idea. He is a master mind manipulator. That's why I'm just now 3 years later going back to adjust the child custody schedule. I couldn't do it when we first split. I was still too easily controlled by him. He still manages to mind f*ck me now but at least I can usually realize it sooner. He's evil. He doesn't mind using the kids as pawns either. I've taken to recording our telephone conversations so that I can listen to them later to see if he screwed me over. It's that bad.

I will consider your advice about getting the teachers to write something. I appreciate any advice and suggestions. I'm not sure the teachers are aware. The know that we are divorced and that he alone is the JW, but I don't know that they see the effects. The girls usually just go to the "media room" during holiday activities.