Posts by Confuzzled

48

OKKKAAAAYY Now I get it! Another JW Belief Screwing W/My Life "Date To Marry"

by Confuzzled in

jw
friends

i have a convaluted relationship w/my jw for-lack-of-a-better-word-bf.

we have a bizarre relationship.

i am not his gf but must act accordingly.

Confuzzled

I hear it everyday from my parents! I have told him repeatedly "To let go of me"...but as much as I can't, he can't either. I'm wondering how much of it has to do with the JWs now. When we fight specifically about his religion he says, "Why do you hate one of the things that is making me draw closer to you, and thats going to make me a better person and father?" I don't know what they are telling him. I don't know if they are trying to convince him to "stick it out" with me. I'd rather him leave me because that's what he wants to do, then stay because some cult thinks it looks good. I know they aren't going to let that big fish go without a fight. His connections, and paycheck, and guilt are what the dwindling WTS desparately need right now. He is also a single, unmarried male with assets (I'd trade ALL OF THAT FOR A CARDBOARD BOX AND NORMALCY!). Plenty of goodly young JW girls would flock to him (and bore him out of his mind). I don't know how the cult is courting him either, if they are doing it positively, or negatively. I think they are doing it in the negative because of the things he says. He doesn't talk about all the supposed "good works" they do like he used too about JWs when he wasn't actively studying. Now all he talks about is his guilt and how they are helping him gain "Gods Protection" back after all his sins. How "humble" he wants to become (I HATE that word!). I think they are feeding on his guilt.

Somebody mentioned to me in a previous thread about how this is a scary time in the world and he might be drawing closer because of it. This is a scary time in his life (trying not to give details) and we have been through much upheaval in the past year. I know he does turn to then when hes stressed, but then after the trouble passes, he goes back to being himself, jovial, vulgar, intelligent, clown, only going to meetings if a family member asks him to go. The difference is, he's being dilligent about it now, and they seem to call his phone now then vice versa. We shall see where this is heading. Thanks for helping me put things in perspective

48

OKKKAAAAYY Now I get it! Another JW Belief Screwing W/My Life "Date To Marry"

by Confuzzled in

jw
friends

i have a convaluted relationship w/my jw for-lack-of-a-better-word-bf.

we have a bizarre relationship.

i am not his gf but must act accordingly.

Confuzzled

I have a convaluted relationship w/my JW for-lack-of-a-better-word-BF. We have a bizarre relationship. I am not his GF but must act accordingly. 0_o. Yeah. I know. I am also pregnant. We have a bizarre half-relationship. It's hard to explain, there are a lot of non-JW factors involved. I lived a soap opera for a few years, and in retrospect, his JW beliefs and the soap opera sort of go hand in hand. I see why he acts the way he does sometimes. Although he's not entirely brainwashed yet (I know more in some cases then he does) I can see what a lifetime of his mother's beliefs and occasional exposure to the cult has done to him. Over the course of our "relationship" arguments have erupted when he has told me he needs to go to my dad and apologize for dealing with me without marrying me (My dad would be like, "Ok, I don't have a problem with her dating around, but the whole getting pregnant part is my problem." I know my dad!). He has also said that the next woman he is involved with seriously (i.e. live with, I don't live with him) he is most definately marrying. I knew about the whole JW belief about dating-to-marry, but I never applied it to my own situation, when it has been thrown in my face a million times (I can't see the forest through the trees). This morning whilst perusing the Watchtower.org (I like to keep up with the garbage they are feeding him, he knows this), I came across an article about it. I don't ever discuss marriage, even in my situation, because, call me old fashioned, but I know it makes a lot (not all) men turn heal and run. I've never brought it up, it's him who talks about it, mostly giving reasons why he can't, or what I have to change so he will. Again, I don't bring it up.I don't mind him not wanting to marry me, but I do mind the half-assed relationship I'm involved in! I'm seeing more and more how the JWs have warped his way of thinking, and what inner turmoil he's going through. Nobody can hope to be as perfect as he thinks he should be when it comes time to take the big splash. I don't think God even has those expectations. He knows people sin, thats why there is forgiveness. I freaking hate the WTS. It's f****ing up my life and I've never even stepped foot in a Kingdom Hall!!!!

7

OKKKAAAAYY Now I get it! Another JW Belief Screwing W/My Life "Date To Marry"

by Confuzzled in

jw
friends

i have a convaluted relationship w/my jw for-lack-of-a-better-word-bf.

we have a bizarre relationship.

i am not his gf but must act accordingly.

Confuzzled

I have a convaluted relationship w/my JW for-lack-of-a-better-word-BF. We have a bizarre relationship. I am not his GF but must act accordingly. 0_o. Yeah. I know. I am also pregnant. We have a bizarre half-relationship. It's hard to explain, there are a lot of non-JW factors involved. I lived a soap opera for a few years, and in retrospect, his JW beliefs and the soap opera sort of go hand in hand. I see why he acts the way he does sometimes. Although he's not entirely brainwashed yet (I know more in some cases then he does) I can see what a lifetime of his mother's beliefs and occasional exposure to the cult has done to him. Over the course of our "relationship" arguments have erupted when he has told me he needs to go to my dad and apologize for dealing with me without marrying me (My dad would be like, "Ok, I don't have a problem with her dating around, but the whole getting pregnant part is my problem." I know my dad!). He has also said that the next woman he is involved with seriously (i.e. live with, I don't live with him) he is most definately marrying. I knew about the whole JW belief about dating-to-marry, but I never applied it to my own situation, when it has been thrown in my face a million times (I can't see the forest through the trees). This morning whilst perusing the Watchtower.org (I like to keep up with the garbage they are feeding him, he knows this), I came across an article about it. I don't ever discuss marriage, even in my situation, because, call me old fashioned, but I know it makes a lot (not all) men turn heal and run. I've never brought it up, it's him who talks about it, mostly giving reasons why he can't, or what I have to change so he will. Again, I don't bring it up.I don't mind him not wanting to marry me, but I do mind the half-assed relationship I'm involved in! I'm seeing more and more how the JWs have warped his way of thinking, and what inner turmoil he's going through. Nobody can hope to be as perfect as he thinks he should be when it comes time to take the big splash. I don't think God even has those expectations. He knows people sin, thats why there is forgiveness. I freaking hate the WTS. It's f****ing up my life and I've never even stepped foot in a Kingdom Hall!!!!

17

Again debating Sipping The Kool-Aid, I'm just frustrated....

by Confuzzled in

jw
friends

sorry if this is rambling.

i just have some thoughts i need to get out.

i've mentioned before my thought about faking my way through the cult, or at least pretending to, would make my life easier.

Confuzzled

DGP that sounds a lot of what I was raised to believe. But I know there is a God, I have been delivered from to much. I also believe in organized religion, one not being "The Truth" over another. I think it gives a good frame to work from. I'm also a (poor) practioner of LOA which a lot of people think is bullshit (I can totally understand why) but I've actually seen it work in my own life, and it's a job and a half to maintain. I don't discuss it because it does sound like bullshit, until you actually try it. I'm feeling better BTW, the day or so ago when I started this thread I was in a really "confuzzled" state of mind....But you make me feel a lot better....

As it has been repeated over and over again: Dealing with a practicing Jehovah's Witness is like dealing with a drug addict. Don't become their co-dependent.

SIDE NOTE: Thanks for the list, BTW, I have a cousin who says he is an Atheist, and he is one of the most bigotted people I have ever met. I'm going to send him that list and ask him if he's living by the tenants of his faith LOL. I know quite a few agnostics and atheists, but I've never met one like him. He's so bigotted he hates himself. He's a white, male, police officer in a major city. He had the nerve to call me a racist, how I could never understand the plight of minorities, middle class and white that I am, and that I worship a zombie on Christmas. The baby I'm expecting is half PR. He felt like an ass when I told him, he didn't know that. He didn't know what to say. I'll have to make him the subject of a thread one day.

21

Fear....they called

by 4mylove in

well, i'm being brave enough to type from home.. apperently when my husband went to eh memorial one of the brothers asked him for his number and he provided it.

we were having a peaceful evening when he listened to a voicemail.. i am physically getting ill, shaking, crying and hoping this is nothing.. caller said, "it showed alot of respect by you coming to the memorial...".

i feel my life is over..... 4.

Confuzzled

I can't pretend I know what your going through, but on a human level, I feel really bad for you. But don't lose hope! 8)

17

Again debating Sipping The Kool-Aid, I'm just frustrated....

by Confuzzled in

jw
friends

sorry if this is rambling.

i just have some thoughts i need to get out.

i've mentioned before my thought about faking my way through the cult, or at least pretending to, would make my life easier.

Confuzzled

He told me he would not disrespect "Jehovah" at this point by attending church with me, and we worship idols, meaning the cross, the windows, and statuary that decorate our sanctuary. I HAVE NEVER worshipped anything inanimate in my life, but he doesn't believe me, or doesn't understand. He will not go. I tld him go with my dad, without me, but he still won't. He also steadfastly refuses to read anything anti-JW, not even to humor me. I suspect he has, though, as i suspect most JWs with internet access have. One of his biggest goals is to become a staunch JW. He sows his oats now, but is convinced that he will be ready to "get dunked" in a few years. He doesn't even feel worthy of the title JW right now. He sees them as the holiest and most peaceful people alive. 0_o. Thats a crock. I don't believe in Buddha, but if he was looking for holiness and peace he should of went to them!

I should start going to mass again, but as an Episcopalian, I'm suffering from my own crisis of faith (Google "Episcopal Church" to see our dirty laundry) and some of the things the hierarchy of my church is doing is as hypocritical as the JW church. Becoming Lutheran is not uncommon in my church nowadays. May be I'll look into that! LOL oh Lord, no wonder people stay or become JW, it must be relaxing to have people tell you what to say and think!

17

Again debating Sipping The Kool-Aid, I'm just frustrated....

by Confuzzled in

jw
friends

sorry if this is rambling.

i just have some thoughts i need to get out.

i've mentioned before my thought about faking my way through the cult, or at least pretending to, would make my life easier.

Confuzzled

Or Mommy going to hell because she hates "Jehovah" and wears a cross.......

17

Again debating Sipping The Kool-Aid, I'm just frustrated....

by Confuzzled in

jw
friends

sorry if this is rambling.

i just have some thoughts i need to get out.

i've mentioned before my thought about faking my way through the cult, or at least pretending to, would make my life easier.

Confuzzled

Thanks Yknot....The truth is I don't want to. It would be selling my soul to the very devils I'm trying to defeat, just because I'm sick of fighting. I'm just frustrated.

Outaservice: I can't leave him just yet. I have an extremely complicated relationship with this person that transcends bailing at this particular time. I would love to explain more, but not only would the post be REALLY long, it would not be hard identify this person should this forum be stumbled on. I made the mistake of telling him that I had spoken with victims over the internet, because he accused me of only speaking to two people. I think he's been on Silentlambs.com, so I'm not taking my chances with identifying characteristics. Lets just say at the current moment, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

17

Again debating Sipping The Kool-Aid, I'm just frustrated....

by Confuzzled in

jw
friends

sorry if this is rambling.

i just have some thoughts i need to get out.

i've mentioned before my thought about faking my way through the cult, or at least pretending to, would make my life easier.

Confuzzled

Sorry if this is rambling. I just have some thoughts I need to get out.

I've mentioned before my thought about faking my way through the cult, or at least pretending to, would make my life easier. Not that I want too. I've harbored a morbid curiosity with the cult simply because of all the research I've done, and actually going to a meeting or two would be for me like watching a train wreck, or poking a dead body with a stick. I've flirted with the idea of at least pretending to be interested in the cult for the sake of my relationship. If I act glazed eyed and obedient for a couple hours a week, and submit to being patronized for a little while, my life and relationship would be easier. I've been told online AND off by former JWs that it's a bad idea to even go to one meeting even out of curiosity. I'm well aware of the used car saleman, time share representive sales tactics the use, and the love bombing. But sometimes I just feel like giving up the fight with my BF over this. I'm naturally rebellious, strangers make me nervous (I'm a cautious person anymore do to other reasons having nothing to do with my current relationship), and I cannot stand fake people to the point I point out hypocrisy I see (I'm a tad antisocial). These are all things I would either have to hide and/or put up with if I just "Yes Dear"ed it and pretended to act interested in he cult just to make my life easier. It would probably make it harder, though, I understand that. I'm not made to be a cult member. Luckily I think my partner realizes this, and he can see through me anyway. Before I showed up here awhile ago and began lurking everyday, and rarely asking for advice, I had told him, "The only way I would do this is for you." He said the only reason I should do it is for myself and "Jehovah" (which is a name I refuse to say out loud). Thankfully, I started reading first, but the only thing really in the begining that kept me from it was the Trinity, the annointed (YEAH, I'll believe that one!), and the Governing Body, and the revolving doctrines (ok it looked ke shit to me from the very begining in retrospect). Then I really started reading here, and other recovery websites (Damn you stumbling apostates! LOL), and it took me one afternoon to make a decision. Absolutely not, everything I thought was bullshit really is bullshit. So on with my research, which is fascinating stuff. I was really into reading books by former members of the FLDS, so it sort of appealed to me, then I started seeing the paralells between the two cults, and the skeleton structure of what a cult is. It became scary to see how close I was to joining something so similar, and even though I can see it, the fact I still harbor the idea of joining. In one of the FLDS books I read (I think it was Stolen Innocence, I've read a few so I can't remember) that the authors parents started out trying to convince someone else not to convert, only to end up converting themselves. Then I wonder out of pure curiosity, did anybody know of anybody as anti-JW as I developing Stockholm Syndrome?

I'm not going to do this. I'm just hormonal and trying to patch up holes in my relationship, and a majority of our problems are not WTS related, but it doesn't make my life any easier. Thanks for the ear to listen, and I apologize again for the rambling unstructured post!

22

Some stay FOR the control?

by SearchingForMe in

jw
friends

i have been wondering lately...do some stay in the borg for the control?.

let me expand that question.

do some currently in the disorganization stay specifically for the sense of control it gives them over others(mate, children, family, friends) and the way it lets them have perceived control of others?.

Confuzzled

I can completely believe that people stay for the control. I know in my JWs situation, he seems like he is looking for someone to punish him sometimes, somebody to keep him in line. His shady past has something to do with it. But who hasn't done things they are ashamed of? He's stopped doing all those things. I asked him if he asked God for forgiveness, he said yes, and I tried to explain to him the way I was taught in Sunday School that if you have faith in God that he has forgiven you, and you go and sin no more, that should be enough. Isn't that what faith is? No, it wasn't good enough. His reaction was something like, "Oh that's all it takes? You just ask, and thats it?" Then it launches into the old "I'm no theologian, nor am I philosopher, but neither is that indocrinated cult member you study with..." huge argument. It seems like he wants to be kept in check by somebody, I've always said that about his situation, that he's looking for punishment, looking for something to keep his "bad side" in check. He thinks that the WTS is the only way he's going to keep a lid on it.