Posts by w021809

11

Family wont communicate - Disf

by w021809 in

i was disf'd a year ago - i have had such a hard few years to get through, some days are better than others.

i was married to a very abusive and violent man for 10 years (who everyone thought was the perfect witness) - i was very young when i got married and was never very close to my parents.

my parents never really thought much of my husband and i just always got on the best i could with what i was dealing with behind closed doors.

w021809

I was disf'd a year ago - I have had such a hard few years to get through, some days are better than others. I was married to a very abusive and violent man for 10 years (who everyone thought was the perfect witness) - I was very young when i got married and was never very close to my parents. My parents never really thought much of my husband and I just always got on the best i could with what i was dealing with behind closed doors. He would manipulate every situation so that I ended up always feeling in the wrong when deep down I knew i'd done nothing. He was very clever at using words to hurt me and relished in his ability to make me feel insecure and young (he was older than me). Eventually after going on some business trips to the US and HongKong I realised I was able to get on with life without him, a friend at work helped me to leave him and we developed a wonderful relationship that has lasted ever since. I am so very happy now in my personal relationship and realise just how much I missed being married to such a hideous bully. The sad thing about all of this is that I lost my family and all my friends - although they all now realise what he was like and could empathise with why i left by choosing a new loving relationship ive lost everyone. I havent spoken or seen my family in 14 months and when i bump into ex friends that are still witnesses its incredibly upsetting and scary for me. Ive literally had to start a brand new life - make new friends etc. It has been very daunting and scary. I feel very angry as while we were going through our divorce I discovered that my husband of the time had starting dating a pioneer in a neighbouring hall but was keeping it a secret. I couldnt believe that he had managed to keep all his friends and keep a relationship a secret. We had been married for 10 yrs and he was genuinely devastated when i left him - he begged me to return and even went to anger management classes to try to help him be a better person. Once i filed for divorce he started dating - how upsetting??? I told the elders by email of this and they told me 'they would deal with it' - this was 4 months ago whats happened now??? The day our divorce was finalised he announced to everyone he was engaged!!! He got married 3 wks ago is still able to speak to everyone that i knew. My family found the whole thing so hard to deal with they decided to move away and as such i havent heard from them since. How can it be right that he can still see people but I suffer 10 yrs of abuse!!?? I was on the verge of suicide when I lived with him but this doesnt seem to matter?? To add insult to injury 2 of my older close friends have recently also been disf'd for leaving their husbands for very flimsy reasons (basically having blatent affairs because they were bored) now im not one to judge and i want them to be happy however their familys still speak to them and see them on a regular basis - this hurts me so much!! My father is an elder and my sis a reg pioneer which may make the situation worse however I feel very angry. My new partner is wonderful he has emailed my family and written to them about him so that they know i am with someone that will look after me. They have responded but have made it clear they do not want to meet, they have encouraged him to have a study and read the publications - but i find this all so unpersonal and cold. What do people think to my situation? Does anyone have any advice?

26

Dealing with Being DF'd

by ~Jen~ in

i haven't posted much here but i feel like i need some support right now.

i did post my story, but basically i'm 27, married for 7 years and i was df'd in july.

i always knew i didn't want to be a jw but went along with everything because of fear.

w021809

I was disf'd a year ago - I have had such a hard few years to get through, some days are better than others. I was married to a very abusive and violent man for 10 years (who everyone thought was the perfect witness) - I was very young when i got married and was never very close to my parents. My parents never really thought much of my husband and I just always got on the best i could with what i was dealing with behind closed doors. He would manipulate every situation so that I ended up always feeling in the wrong when deep down I knew i'd done nothing. He was very clever at using words to hurt me and relished in his ability to make me feel insecure and young (he was older than me). Eventually after going on some business trips to the US and HongKong I realised I was able to get on with life without him, a friend at work helped me to leave him and we developed a wonderful relationship that has lasted ever since. I am so very happy now in my personal relationship and realise just how much I missed being married to such a hideous bully. The sad thing about all of this is that I lost my family and all my friends - although they all now realise what he was like and could empathise with why i left by choosing a new loving relationship ive lost everyone. I havent spoken or seen my family in 14 months and when i bump into ex friends that are still witnesses its incredibly upsetting and scary for me. Ive literally had to start a brand new life - make new friends etc. It has been very daunting and scary. I feel very angry as while we were going through our divorce I discovered that my husband of the time had starting dating a pioneer in a neighbouring hall but was keeping it a secret. I couldnt believe that he had managed to keep all his friends and keep a relationship a secret. We had been married for 10 yrs and he was genuinely devastated when i left him - he begged me to return and even went to anger management classes to try to help him be a better person. Once i filed for divorce he started dating - how upsetting??? I told the elders by email of this and they told me 'they would deal with it' - this was 4 months ago whats happened now??? The day our divorce was finalised he announced to everyone he was engaged!!! He got married 3 wks ago is still able to speak to everyone that i knew. My family found the whole thing so hard to deal with they decided to move away and as such i havent heard from them since. How can it be right that he can still see people but I suffer 10 yrs of abuse!!?? I was on the verge of suicide when I lived with him but this doesnt seem to matter?? To add insult to injury 2 of my older close friends have recently also been disf'd for leaving their husbands for very flimsy reasons (basically having blatent affairs because they were bored) now im not one to judge and i want them to be happy however their familys still speak to them and see them on a regular basis - this hurts me so much!! My father is an elder and my sis a reg pioneer which may make the situation worse however I feel very angry. My new partner is wonderful he has emailed my family and written to them about him so that they know i am with someone that will look after me. They have responded but have made it clear they do not want to meet, they have encouraged him to have a study and read the publications - but i find this all so unpersonal and cold. What do people think to my situation? Does anyone have any advice?