I didnt do this, but I was at the door, when my mother made a real ass out of herself.. The householder answered the door, and was a hefty size woman... after making her sales pitch, and placed 2 magazines.. told the woman "you look like your ready to bust any day!!! have you and your husband decided on a name??" Much to her horror.. the woman said.." I don't have a husband, AND I am NOT pregnant!!! I wanted to die!!!!! I never seen my ma so embarrased before!!!!! You should have seen her try to wiggle out of that one!!!
Knotty_boy
JoinedPosts by Knotty_boy
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38
Tell me what you did on the doors?
by ballistic inme and my pioneer partner used to play a game while going door to door (we were obviously bored).
in our rural territory, we had a lot of time between doors to make things up, so various games evolved.
just about the naughtiest was to give your partner a word which they had to use at all costs in their presentation.. this started out as 'kingdom' and 'jesus' but soon became 'tractor', 'dog' and then even 'honda 250' and so on.
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THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS THING SOMEBODY TOLD YOU
by minimus inwhat's the most outrageous thing that you were personally told ,while in the organization??
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Knotty_boy
The first time I saw my wife pray in front of me for a meal (before I was baptized) she unfolded her napkin and put it on her head. I laughed so hard, and asked her what she was doing. I still thought she was joking until I looked it up for myself.
That happened to me too... I thought my mom had lost her mind!!!!
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Men only.
by TruckerGB indrug warning.. police warn all clubbers,partygoers and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.a new date rape drug on the market called beer is used by many females to target unsuspecting men.
the drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere.. it comes in bottles,cans,from taps and in large kegs.. beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them.typically,a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.men are rendered helpless against this approach.. after several beers men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on women to whom they would never be normally attracted.after drinking beer men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before,often with just a vague feeling that something occurred.. at other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life savings in a familiar scam known as a relationship.
it has been reported that in extreme cases,the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as marriage.. apperently,men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex offered by the predatory female.. please!
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Knotty_boy
Beuty is in the eye of the beer-holder!!!!!
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Have any "HALL CLEANING" funny stories??
by BONEZZ ini remember our bookstudy groups (in my area) got the chore for a month at a time.
the bookstudy was at my home with the p.o.
as the conductor.
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Knotty_boy
Well, it's good to hear all of these urinal stories, I always thought, that only females in my family, had no clue what they are!! At the time, I was 10, and my sister was 4.. My job was to refill the toilet paper dispenser. ( you know.. using a key, and inserting a roll of Charmin into the thing, so that it dispenses properly, was too sophisticated for an adult!!) Anyways, I was inside the partitions, doing this, and applying Tidybowl, to soak, while my sister was at the sink, supposedly refilling the soap pump.. At this time, we had just watched "Crocodile Dundee" a week or two prior.. In this movie they showed a Bidet.. (butt washer) and after explaing to my sis, what this did, she was a bit wiser.. Not so!! I heard all kinds of comotion, going on, on the other side of the divider, I step out, and find her w/ her little pink sweat pants, in the Bill Clinton position.. sitting in the wall mounted urinal!!!! Her feet dangled about 3 feet above the floor, she was freaking out, shouting "the water is freezing" ""get me out of this!!!!"" I was horrified!! I mean my god.. my sister is sitting in a pisser!!!! I almost wet myself, laughing.. And I should have helped her get out of it... However.. being the older brother that I am... rather go round up some spectators, to witness this hilarious mess, she got her self into!! She is now 20, and to this day, has not lived this down!!!!!!!
I always seemed to get in trouble, when it was our turn to clean the Hall.. I insisted that when all the fraidy old ladies, were out of sight, downstairs, or cleaning the second school, in the back of the bldg.. was a great opportunity, for me to entertain the youngsters w/ my ability to play "Chopstix" on the Hall's piano, up on the platform.. Well this one night, one of the sisters I thought was cool, and wouldnt tell my mom, ratted me out, upon my moms return! The bitch will pay!!!! and she did! Several years later I got my revenge on this slut!! I told her husband what she was doing to the meat cutter down at the local Piggly Wiggly!!! My real mothers (not a JW) friend... the wife of the meat cutter.. out of shear madness, mentioned the name of the woman her husband was cheating on her, with!!! Boy did I have some inside information!!!!.. Now this woman was so mad at being busted.. that she wouldn't even give the chairs back, owned by the KH.. that she had at her house for the bookstudy!!!! Enjoy your Pork Chops bitch!!!
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More Captions
by Stephanus inthis is a rather mundane pic of the penshurst (sydney) kh, taken earlier today.
your captions please: .
edited by - stephanus on 7 august 2002 7:43:40.
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Knotty_boy
Pessimist- Typical Kingdom Hall... Seating Capacity of 150... Ample parking for 4 vehicles.
Optimist- Maybe I will miss most of the public talk, while I drive around waiting for a parking spot!!!
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Remember the food tokens at conventions!!
by haujobbz inthey were the good old days, in the uk about 10 years ago were able to purchase food tokens to get our lovely hot food supplied at conventions i used to really look forward conventions then,then all of a sudden voila no hot food supplied at assemblys no more i was "gutted" i really missed the currys and sunday veg mmmmmmmmm.
but why did they stop doing it, i think this really upset most having to bring your own grub.they do give free water at them now though
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Knotty_boy
Oh yes!! I remember the only way my parents could drag me out of the hotel swimming pool, from an early morning swim, to go sit for hours, was w/ the promise of hot egg and cheese muffins, and Vanilla Swiss Miss puddin'!!!
My family always carried that infamous super sized book bag, that must have weighed about 300 lbs.. was like a big box.. and kept the assembly food coupons inside, and during the mornings when they would go around visiting w/ all the people, I would help myself to $10 worth, to spend at my leisure throughout the day!!!! After the convention was over on Sunday, I didnt ever want to see another hoagie sandwich for months!!!!!!!
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Where did you look at, at the conventions?
by fulano in.
not at the platform.. i always looked around if there were any nice coloured sisters (and i was married and an elder)...
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Knotty_boy
whoops! why did it do it 2 times?
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Where did you look at, at the conventions?
by fulano in.
not at the platform.. i always looked around if there were any nice coloured sisters (and i was married and an elder)...
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Knotty_boy
I would stare at the great big American flags hanging all around the Coliseum, and the cigarette advertisement signs... wishing I had one!!!! The funniest thing I ever seen at a assembly, was at a District Convention in Kansas City.. I was watching a poor blind sister, who had her seeing eye dog next to her.. through out the day, she would munch on a sandwich.. Well I saw her take a bite out of the sandwich, and set it on top of her Iqloo cooler, and her dog snatched it all up in one bite!!!!!!!! About 30 secs. passed, she reached for her sandwich, much to her dismay.. it was GONE!!!!! I watched this poor sister feel under her chair, in front, behind, everywhere!! She made another attempt w/ a new sandwich, in which the same thing happened... I really think she thought the kids next to her was stealing them.. I busted out laughing, I couldnt help myself... I know it's not right to get amusement out of a disabled persons mishaps.. but by-god, it was the most exciting part of the assembly!! (besides those poor children, who would stand in the stadium seats, and they would fold up on them.. but thats a different story)
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Where did you look at, at the conventions?
by fulano in.
not at the platform.. i always looked around if there were any nice coloured sisters (and i was married and an elder)...
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Knotty_boy
I would stare at the great big American flags hanging all around the Coliseum, and the cigarette advertisement signs... wishing I had one!!!! The funniest thing I ever seen at a assembly, was at a District Convention in Kansas City.. I was watching a poor blind sister, who had her seeing eye dog next to her.. through out the day, she would munch on a sandwich.. Well I saw her take a bite out of the sandwich, and set it on top of her Iqloo cooler, and her dog snatched it all up in one bite!!!!!!!! About 30 secs. passed, she reached for her sandwich, much to her dismay.. it was GONE!!!!! I watched this poor sister feel under her chair, in front, behind, everywhere!! She made another attempt w/ a new sandwich, in which the same thing happened... I really think she thought the kids next to her was stealing them.. I busted out laughing, I couldnt help myself... I know it's not right to get amusement out of a disabled persons mishaps.. but by-god, it was the most exciting part of the assembly!! (besides those poor children, who would stand in the stadium seats, and they would fold up on them.. but thats a different story)
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Alternative Definitions To WTS-Related Terms
by NewWay inalternative definitions to wts-related words and terms .
* 'great crowd' - a large group of people who turned up too late to catch the bus to heaven.. .
* 'prophetic date' - a type of fruit that may look good on the outside, but which some people find leaves a bitter after-taste, and others find too hard to swallow.. .
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Knotty_boy
Drama- 45 minutes alloted at Conventions, to get sleep in superb conditions, w/ the lights dimmed in the auditorium.. unlike the rest of the 6 or 7 hours, where one must attempt to sleep w/ bright lights, noisy kids, and people clapping their hands.. (this only applies to the lucky ones attending air-conditioned, indoor arenas.. my sympathy to those who must go to the hot, outdoor stadiums)
Womens restroom- A small room, usually located in the rear of the hall, most often recognized by the stench of really old "Stick-Up" air freshners... The room is primarily used to whip the asses of young victims, who can't sit perfectly still, listening to a old geezer ramble on for an hour, or was caught w/ a stick of chewing gum in their mouth..
Memorial- An annual event held at the Hall, simply to observe 120 men and women share a couple of stale crackers, and some really cheap wine!!!.. Sometimes as an Encore, you can see eldery sisters fighting over the floral arrangements after the services!!!
Morning service meeting- A small get together of people who actually dragged their ass out of bed at 7 in the morn on their day off work... Used for a decision maker, of where to go to get Coffee, and donuts, and to remain out of sight-out of mind untill noon.. Usually.. at the chosen donut shop, you can witness 16 "big-boned" sisters, pile out of the back of a 1980's era mini van!!
Not at Home- a term used on ones field service report, to describe a non answered door.. Almost always means that the home owner is peeking thru the curtains of a upper level window, hoping they just will goooo away!
Return Visit- Back to the donunt shop!!!