IRG everyone has pretty much touched on it but im super happy that your wife is starting to show some signs of letting her guards down. I know you are excited too but keep that excitementvcontained for now. I pray that she eventually sees the true light! This post gives me hope for the same eventuality with my husband :)
Lostwun
JoinedPosts by Lostwun
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23
Baby steps taken with a grain of salt
by Israel Ricky Gonzales inseeing how my jw wife nearly lost it when i woke up to ttatt and was df'd just over a year ago, she has been showing cracks in her armor.. 1. she has stopped pioneering to resume her good-paying career, working full-time.. 2. she suggested marriage counseling.. 3. she suggested going to a latin rap concert at a casino for our anniversary.. 4. when we reconciled recently and began living together as a family again, she agreed to alternate weeks of jw activity with the kids, one week doing the jw thing with her and the next week not doing the jw thing with me .
5. she hasn't had perfect attendance at meetings or for field service since she started working full-time.
just last night, she skipped meeting to help co-workers prepare food for an employee appreciation luncheon held today.
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21
Wife Equates Having A Good Marriage With Being "Spiritual"
by JW_Rogue inso i've noticed lately that my wife seems to think that in order to have a good marriage both people must be "spiritual".
she thinks being close as a family is all about family worship night, field service and praying together.
i know where these ideas are coming from but it is very hard to combat them.
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Lostwun
JW-Rogue I can relate to your situation because I was just like your wife in how i dealt with my husband when we were dating and first married. I equated having a successful marriage only to having a spiritual head willing and zealous to take the lead in all aspects spiritually. I think I overburdened him with my desire for him to reach out and to always be on top of our family study. It's funny to see how the roles have reversed now that i am the one who is out of the cult and he is still in. lol
anyways... In your situation
Quite honestly this is something your wife has to come around to in her own head on getting over. Just continue showing her that you can be a good mate without all that WT crap they feed her mind with. If she sees that you will love her unconditionally and still treat her just as good then eventually she will settle down with all that overbearing jw stuff. It may take a long time but with patience and love and continued commitment to her, it can eventually lead to a change in her mindset.
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Lostwun
Do what I did when stuck by having to carpool with my in-laws.
Insist on taking your own car, when you arrive find your own seats away from relatives. Try and just bare through the morning session then when lunch time hits, bounce out of the convention back to your hotel or wherever else and dont return until the closing song when its time to pick up everyone to leave lol
Worked like a charm for me and saved me from those repetitive boring lectures and mindless clapping at everything the speakers says.. -
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The conventions and the memorial are a pain in the butt for me.
by John Aquila ini can imagine those of you who have a spouse that is not awake and how hard it must be.
i have a 90 year old mom who is a jw and still puts in 12 hrs a month in field service.
the brothers and sisters are always picking her up for conventions, meetings and memorials and as much as i try to avoid them, there are times when i just cant.
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Lostwun
John i love how you handled that situation. and when it was clear they couldnt give you a bible response how you simply thanked them for dropping your mom of and kept it moving. lol classic! you put the ball back in their court. I will have to use that one :) -
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You have to be strong
by troubled mind instanding up for yourself,and deciding to follow your own path takes strength .
you have to be strong especially if you were raised in a way of life that dictated so much of who you were .
while being raised as a jehovah's witness i was taught to follow ,unquestionally follow .i was told to put others before myself ,serve,don't stand out ,don't be independent .
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Lostwun
Troubled mind This was just the encouragement i needed today to lift my spirits again as it was a tough one dealing with all my emotions today. Thank you for words of encouragement to us all. -
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New Inactive One Saying Hello to all
by Lostwun inlostwun here, i joined 2 months ago but am now just finding the courage after doing more research to formally introduce myself to the board and embrace my new beginnings as an ex-jw.
i am a second-generation jw.
i grew up with parents who are well known and very respected in many circuits.
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Lostwun
truthlover good suggestions. A few individuals in the hall know that last month was a very rough month for me. I had a death in the family so that's been helping keep some at bay for awhile. It is interesting though, how only one couple has come to visit since then. Whenever my husband returns from the meeting he tells me how all the "friends" say they miss me and hope i feel better. And i say to him "oh yeah, well they all have my number if they miss me so much why don't they call my phone?" He just rolls his eyes. lol
Also whenever one of the elders or someone in the congregation calls, they never call my phone for info they always call him and tell him to tell me that they said hello.
yeah concerned (pssh).... more like looking for info... my husband may be naive but i sure ain't.
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New Inactive One Saying Hello to all
by Lostwun inlostwun here, i joined 2 months ago but am now just finding the courage after doing more research to formally introduce myself to the board and embrace my new beginnings as an ex-jw.
i am a second-generation jw.
i grew up with parents who are well known and very respected in many circuits.
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Lostwun
Thank you all for your comments and encouragement in dealing with this situation. it seems the common consensus is that it can be done with time patience and love. Im willimg to do all those things and I know he is too. I think he's more concerned now about what people think since we dont attend functions together or the hall. I dont want him to feel like he has to stay behind with me for my sake but he feels uncomfortable going to gatherings if im not with him so in turn it makes me feel guilty as if im stunting his social outlet. Ive tried to explain that he will have to learn to start doing things without me but this whole situation has just rocked his world to the extent he wasnt prepared for. I myself feel like im hiding out in my house out of fear of doing anything without running into a jw and being questioned or prompted for a shepherding call and I hate that feeling and feeling paranoid. I seriously need to find a hobby quick because besides my husband and his family I really dont trust going out with any other jw for the simple fact questions may be asked. His parents already know I dont attend the meetings but they havent asked a single thing and are not judgemental of me just yet. its such a small town here that even if I try to go out after work with some of the girl coworkers at mý job that im starting to make friends with, there is a high possiblity I will be seen by a jw at any establishment and I just dont know how to deal with that yet. So for the most part im tucked away in the house :( ive been conditioned so long to care what other people think about me that to finally step out on my own and not care is nervewrecking!! -
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The Religion Of Rejection - And Now That Includes Me
by dubstepped indue to some recent developments i find myself in a new place, and at this point i've lost all of my family and fri....oh that's right, i never really had any friends in the organization anyway.
just people that wanted something from me and a few people that i would invite to do things that occasionally said yes.
the recent rejections of me got me thinking, so let's take a rejection inventory.. i had to reject all of the holidays when my parents started studying.. i had to reject any worldly friends that i already had.. even family became rejected, and the new religion had some place in that.. i was rejected in school and bullied all of the time, not just because we were poor and i made good grades, but for jw reasons too.
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Lostwun
Bravo Dubstepped!
On so many levels your post resonated with me. having a disfellowshipped sibling i used to shun him thinking i was being oh so loving, but little did i know all the emotional trauma he went through especially being df'd at an early age and having everything that he ever knew ripped away from him... We have just started reconnecting now that im fading and i hate the way i used to treat him and all the years wasted that I could have spent getting to know him better. only now can i truly understand how damaging this cult is to families and on peoples mental health. I applaud you on so many levels breaking free of the bonds and sharing your experiences.
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New Inactive One Saying Hello to all
by Lostwun inlostwun here, i joined 2 months ago but am now just finding the courage after doing more research to formally introduce myself to the board and embrace my new beginnings as an ex-jw.
i am a second-generation jw.
i grew up with parents who are well known and very respected in many circuits.
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Lostwun
dubstepped I really liked your analogy on not pulling someones eyelids but letting them wake up on their own. It made me chuckle but yes that is true and i realize i will have to step back and not overwhelm him with what i have learned but let him wake up for himself.
Many Congrats to you and your wife for taking that leap and DA. Hopefully one day i will be strong enough to do the same and with my husband by my side. I can so relate on that "freeing" feeling that you described you and your wife having after leaving the org.
I too feel so liberated! I find that i have more mental peace outside of the Org than when i was ever in. I don't struggle with all the anxiety that i had and feelings of never being good enough anymore and that within itself tells me that there is something very wrong with this organization when so many within are struggling with depression issues and other deep-seated problems. I truly hold the Organization responsible for the problems that millions face both mentally and physically.
Thank you for your input and thank you to all that have taken time to read my story and respond. I feel like i received a virtual hug when i needed it the most. :)
Regards,
LostWun
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51
Leaving the org and marriage possibly ending
by atacrossroads ini was raised a witness, baptized at 16, vacation pioneered, got married, etc.
i was very much your typical witness and believed it was the truth until last summer.
a very close relative of mine left the witnesses.
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Lostwun
atacrossroads I truly empathize with you because we are both in a very similar circumstance. When I first expressed to my husband my true feelings about the organization he too blamed himself for my spiritual decline. Although he wasn't as adamant as your husband about seeking help from an elder i still have this nagging feeling in the back of my head that my husband will one day let the fact that i dont believe anymore slip in one of his conversations with the elders or to someone at the hall and i will be summoned to a JC.
I pray that you and your spouse can get to a point where you can have a successful marriage without religion attached to it and that eventually he will come around to the real truth.
Hang in there!