Hi Misery,
I can relate to the thoughts you expressed here. My experience was this: The more tasks I took on, the less I was able to actually sit in a meeting and absorb what was being discussed. If I was running the sound box I was focused on the microphones and what was going on with them or song preparation etc. I wasn't really focused on the lesson being discussed.
There seems to be a free pass if you're putting in certain kinds of "work service". I usually gave 2-3 talks per week either on the School or Service meeting. Add up prep time and then time spent during the meeting thinking about the delivery of them and delivering them and you can see how one's focus is centered on the task or work at hand vs. the entire menu of the meeting.
KH builds ...enjoyable for sure. I enjoyed everyone and there was a "credit" for time spent there towards my hours as a pioneer. I forget now what it was. (Been a while.) If I missed a meeting to build a KH no problem. If I had been missing meetings to build a habitat for humanity house or some other community service like working at a local food bank - I guarantee they wouldn't have let that slide.
Bethel was the same way. I spent a month out there on temp work. As long as you showed up on top for morning worship wearing a suit and got to work on time, and did a proper "hospital corner" when you made your bed in the morning, it was easy to disappear in the sea of brothers and sisters out there. No one had a clue whether the temps were making the meetings, going in service, or going down to China Town. What would get noticed is if you weren't showing up for work. You were there to work and don't forget it.
The WTBTS and JW's are a "task oriented" /"works based" organization. Now I have no problem with work or works.Both have merit as long as they're kept in perspective. Like I said, I enjoyed much of what I was assigned to do at that time in my life. Here's the problem, what good was I doing? Do you know that I have had more meaningful opportunities to "witness" since I left the "organization"?
Time is our most valuable asset. It is finite. It's the only thing we can't buy more of or replace once it's gone. So ask yourself, "How do I want to spend my time in this life?"
I'm not sure if you have a family or not, but if you do, wouldn't your time be better spent being a good dad or husband and looking after the needs of your household vs. spending 10-15 hours a week preparing talks or sitting on committees for the "organization" and it's agenda? If you have surplus time left after taking care of family needs, probably the next best thing to spend it on is the ministry (if we really wanted to present a contradictory argument to your dad about how best to spend your time). But I don't mean going out with the goal of putting literature in the hands of people. I'm talking about having conversations with people you meet in everyday life, getting to know them, what's good or bad in their life, sharing some hope with them from the scriptures out of genuine concern, becoming the person in your community that people look to for unbiased comfort and truth. I've found that every person I've ever met has their own story, and for the most part they want to tell it. So let them. One of my CO's said once that "People need to know how much you care before they care how much you know." He was one of the few who had a clue. Most are dismissive about what the householder or fellow member of the congregation may say, quick to quote a scripture or article as to what they need to "do". Sometimes people just need us to listen.
Do you realize that about the only thing an individual can't do in the "organization" if they're not an elder is participate in judicial committees? As far as looking after our brothers and strengthening them or participating in the any facet of the ministry - that could all be done as a publisher. A regular pioneer in my time was just a publisher who spent 90 hours each month in the field service. I think now it's like 70?
You don't have to have a title to be the guy that people need. I'm pretty sure Jehovah would agree with that. That raod that you're getting ready to embark on isn't cold and it certainly doesn't have to be lonely. The notion of lonely stems from that dang seed they plant in our heads that we'll lose everyone in our life because they'll tell them they can't talk to us etc. Guess what? People are human, they'll talk to you at some point. If they don't let them own that not you. They're schmucks if that's the choice they make. I don't have a ton of friendships outside my family today just because of the obligations it can present on my time. Plenty of offers though to go hunting, fishing, travelling etc. I just make it a point now to do everything I can with my wife. What spare time I have after that is available for others.
You're the man. You'll be fine.
The_Present_Truth